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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave my 9 year old home alone

203 replies

greenapplesredpeppers · 15/01/2023 20:29

I went to the gym today around 2pm and left my 9 year old home while I went - as usual. I'm gone for like 40 mins as the gym is local.

While I'm gone, he's in his room on his laptop, watching TV. He has a phone which he FaceTimes me on.

He's knows the deal as to:

Not open the door
Not touch cooker etc
Go to neighbours house in emergency
Call me if you need anything.

He spoke to his dad on the phone while I was at out and DS told him I was at the gym. His dad hates me, and reported me to the police who came and asked my questions and said it's against the law to do that but they are happy DS is happy and cared for. They basically said, don't give his dad anything to get one over me. We are in the middle of a toxic court battle/

I have checked the law around this before on the GOV & NSPCC websites and checked MM - there is no age limit. It's down to the parent to decide. Personally, I feel DS feel is mature enough for short periods as he doesn't leave his room and FaceTimes me when he wants and most importantly, is comfortable with it. I understand there can be cases where a fire randomly starts which obviously would be a situation I wouldn't want my son to be in alone.

When they spoke to DS, it also came out that his dad used to leave him home alone when he was five years old, which they will be passing onto social services as well as the fact that I left him alone today.

I obviously won't do this until he is older now, but I wanted to ask MN.

So, have you left your 9 year old home alone? WIBU? What age is right? And aren't police incorrect that it's illegal to leave a kid under 12 alone? They said even to go to the shop, is illegal....

OP posts:
hadntbeen · 15/01/2023 21:23

I Ieave my 9 year old at home alone for an hour or two.

dementedpixie · 15/01/2023 21:24

When mine were younger I used to take them to the sports centre and leave them outside the studio with their Nintendo or set them up in the cafe.

Bloopsie · 15/01/2023 21:25

Depends on a child, I was at home on my own all day as a 6 year old and luckily nothing serious happened (grew up in another country) but there is no way i would leave my nearly 9 year old on her own (autistic and adhd)

Teaandtoast3 · 15/01/2023 21:25

TwoPointFourCatsAndDogs · 15/01/2023 21:19

When my DS was 9 I left him for 13 minutes while I dropped his sister to the school gate. During those 13 minutes the doctors surgery had called me back twice and I’d missed the calls, DS had Shingles. As I opened the door DS was in the hallway looking very worried, he wasn’t at all sick with Shingles, he said “the doctor called”. I could feel the blood draining from my body, SS would surely have to be involved, I’d left a sick child alone. “What did you say?”, I asked. “I told him I was your husband” he said.

This made me chuckle. Your sons very quick witted… but the doctor probably wondered why he sounded so young 😆

Hollyhead · 15/01/2023 21:26

The thing is people say the world is different now but it’s significantly safer than previous decades, and everyone has mobile phones. It’s a much more favourable environment for DC to learn independence yet people are more fearful.

autienotnaughty · 15/01/2023 21:29

I wouldn't have left my children alone at that age. When my eldest was 11 (year six) I started going park with her sister over the road and would leave her for half hour. When eldest was 14 and youngest was 12 I started a job that meant they were home alone an hour after school.

Eatentoomanyroses · 15/01/2023 21:29

I wouldn’t and my 9 year old is very sensible. Maybe when she’s 11 or 12

KylieCharlene · 15/01/2023 21:31

No way I'd leave a 9yr old for 40minutes to go to the gym.
I am anxious leaving my 12&13yr olds.

Candymay · 15/01/2023 21:35

I wouldn’t do it. 9 is too young in my opinion but it’s definitely something a parent can judge for themselves

SpaceRaiders · 15/01/2023 21:40

I leave my 11 & nearly 8 year old at home alone if I have to pop to the shop or supermarket. I’d leave Dd1 alone but not Dd2. They’re both sensible, they know the neighbours well if they need help. I’m a single parent so needs must sometimes.

Original poster
greenapplesredpeppers · 15/01/2023 21:40

@StalkedByASpider yes I guess I am looking for justification of my actions from others who do similar because there are different types of 9 year olds. Some who are quite immature and would be scared to be alone.

My kid is the opposite and he has a phone and a laptop which he can contact me on if there are any issues. It's not like I'm leaving him overnight to party and I have built this up gradually- I grab a coffee without him sometimes and that's a 15 minute round trip.

Thankfully he is starting football on a Saturday from next week so I can go then!

I feel like sometimes the home is the safest place they can be. I'm only worried about this from a social services point of view as the risk of fire is small I believe. I have a ring camera also so can keep an eye on anyone who knocks.

OP posts:
CitronVert22 · 15/01/2023 21:42

9 is the age I started coming home from school alone. Hour or so before anyone else. My choice. Perfectly fine. You should be building up the independence before secondary school. They will have to navigate the world outside at that point with cancelled buses or whatever. And the major reason kids are so constrained these days is the real danger of cars. That's hardly a problem in the house!

Wonderwoman333 · 15/01/2023 21:45

Too young in my opinion, no way would I do this especially for non essential reasons. I would be upset and concerned if it was my child and the other parent did this.

GreenIsle · 15/01/2023 21:46

greenapplesredpeppers · 15/01/2023 21:40

@StalkedByASpider yes I guess I am looking for justification of my actions from others who do similar because there are different types of 9 year olds. Some who are quite immature and would be scared to be alone.

My kid is the opposite and he has a phone and a laptop which he can contact me on if there are any issues. It's not like I'm leaving him overnight to party and I have built this up gradually- I grab a coffee without him sometimes and that's a 15 minute round trip.

Thankfully he is starting football on a Saturday from next week so I can go then!

I feel like sometimes the home is the safest place they can be. I'm only worried about this from a social services point of view as the risk of fire is small I believe. I have a ring camera also so can keep an eye on anyone who knocks.

I'm a Social Worker op and the police and others refer into us regarding similar circumstances and yes I would contact you to discuss this as a concern. 9 is too young.

Iknowthis1 · 15/01/2023 21:53

9 is too young to leave for 40 mins.

VeniVidiWeeWee · 15/01/2023 21:54

FFS. when I was 7 my mum worked and I got left in the house by myself for 4 hours.

What is wrong with everyone saying it's not ok?

pantjog · 15/01/2023 21:56

There’s a big difference between walking to school and being left alone in a house. It’s not obvious to me which is the more “dangerous” scenario. FWIW I wouldn’t leave a 9 year old alone in the house but I might be happy with a 9 year old doing a familiar journey on foot — depending on the child and the journey.

JammiDodgers · 15/01/2023 21:56

Babyclb · 15/01/2023 20:36

I think being left alone regularly at 9 to do something like the gym is unnecessary and too young.

Agree. Can’t you do it at a time when he’s at school, for example. Or on your lunch break??

JammiDodgers · 15/01/2023 21:59

KylieCharlene · 15/01/2023 21:31

No way I'd leave a 9yr old for 40minutes to go to the gym.
I am anxious leaving my 12&13yr olds.

Exactly.

babsanderson · 15/01/2023 22:00

Thesonglastslonger · 15/01/2023 21:10

It’s fine, and actually great parenting. By age ten children are supposed to be able to walk to primary school alone. How are they going to cope with stranger danger and crossing roads with speeding cars if they’ve never even been left alone for 40 minutes?!

You have to build up to it. A few minutes alone at age 8 while mum posts a letter. An hour alone at age 9 watching tv while mum pops to shop and with a plan of what to do if mum is delayed (ie mum’s mobile number and confidence to call others if needed).

I agree. I also wonder what people think will happen while a 9 year old is on their screen in their own bedroom.

babsanderson · 15/01/2023 22:01

@JammiDodgers I assume the OP works like me and most people now get 30 minutes max lunch break.

BeforeIforget · 15/01/2023 22:02

Too young imo, and unreasonable for the reason you did. 10 minutes to pop to the shop not as bad.
Probably not so bad if you have good neighbours to keep an eye on them.

Having said all that, it’s still probably safer to leave a 9 year old at home for 40 minutes, than to let them walk to school alone.

babsanderson · 15/01/2023 22:02

@GreenIsle Why is it dangerous? What is going to happen?

Hollyhead · 15/01/2023 22:04

@pantjog lol, walking around outside is definitely riskier. A car can drive into you, cyclists run pedestrians over, ‘stranger danger’, or they get spooked by older kids, encounter someone with mental health issues etc.

Pickle1512 · 15/01/2023 22:04

My kids primary allow kids to walk home in year 5 and 6. Aged 9-11.