To leave my 9 year old home alone

[greenapplesredpeppers]

I went to the gym today around 2pm and left my 9 year old home while I went - as usual. I'm gone for like 40 mins as the gym is local.

While I'm gone, he's in his room on his laptop, watching TV. He has a phone which he FaceTimes me on.

He's knows the deal as to:

Not open the door
Not touch cooker etc
Go to neighbours house in emergency
Call me if you need anything.

He spoke to his dad on the phone while I was at out and DS told him I was at the gym. His dad hates me, and reported me to the police who came and asked my questions and said it's against the law to do that but they are happy DS is happy and cared for. They basically said, don't give his dad anything to get one over me. We are in the middle of a toxic court battle/

I have checked the law around this before on the GOV & NSPCC websites and checked MM - there is no age limit. It's down to the parent to decide. Personally, I feel DS feel is mature enough for short periods as he doesn't leave his room and FaceTimes me when he wants and most importantly, is comfortable with it. I understand there can be cases where a fire randomly starts which obviously would be a situation I wouldn't want my son to be in alone.

When they spoke to DS, it also came out that his dad used to leave him home alone when he was five years old, which they will be passing onto social services as well as the fact that I left him alone today.

I obviously won't do this until he is older now, but I wanted to ask MN.

So, have you left your 9 year old home alone? WIBU? What age is right? And aren't police incorrect that it's illegal to leave a kid under 12 alone? They said even to go to the shop, is illegal....

I think you'd feel awful if something happened. It probably won't but I wouldn't regularly leave them for more than 20 mins or so

Wow! I'm really surprised at the number of people who wouldn't leave a 9 year old! I think I'm a bit overprotective! And I've left DS2 at home alone since turning 8, starting with a few minutes and now he can be left up to an hour or hour and a half at a stretch. I think it's fine! He enjoys it!

When I was a kid I played out all day from much younger! I also remember letting myself in after school from about age 9 or 10 and getting some toast and a cup of tea and watching TV til my mum came home!!

My DS's aren't allowed to use the kettle like I was, or the toaster and we have lots of rules about not answering the door etc.. but they r v sensible.boys (older one is 11 and still not left more than 1 or 2 hours). They get cereal if hungry.

I do wonder if we Molly coddle children a bit nowadays?

It wasn't ideal but my ds was 8 (nearly 9) when he had to be on his own for about 40 minutes after school.

The fact you did something riskier at the age of 11 doesn't negate the risk of leaving a 9 year old home alone.

My 9yo walks a short and safe route home from school while I collect his (autistic) sibling from secondary school. He's on his own for about 15 minutes before I come in. He's happy with the arrangement and likes the independence.

There is no minimum legal age on being left, and it's about are you exposing the child to harm. Mine have always had it drilled into them about what to do if there are problems, supported by going through things like Scouting. On camps, he is able to roam on a closed site without direct adult supervision; adults supervise the activities, but the children are able to dip in and out freely-that's from 8.

The police saying 12 are wrong and illogical. There is no childcare for y7 and that means many 11yos will take themselves home and be unsupervised until parents return home from work. Many y6s stop going to afterschool clubs and become more independent.

My criteria is that I'm pretty local and DS is happy for about 30 minutes.

Whilst it’s not illegal, I was reported to ss for leaving my 9 year old home alone for 20 mins and yes ss did contact me about it even though it’s “not illegal”

9 is far too young to be left at home for that amount of time. I think that you were being irresponsible and I’m afraid that I would have reported you too.

There’s no problem if your child is mature enough. I have one that would be mature enough to be left for short periods. I have a younger child who I don’t think would be comfortable being left alone at that age.

it’s all to do with the child imo.

The responses make me feel a bit reassured about this. I agree that it comes down to the child and what the parent determines, however, as his dad has started malicious claims against me, it's probably best I watch it atm.

I'm expecting a call from social services tomorrow and know this will be something flagged against me but his dad leaving him alone at five years old is definitely worse than that.

I agree that we are too overprotective with our kids in the UK as at 9 I was out and about playing and like others have said, in one year, they will be expected to walk to school alone. How are we setting them up for that, if they can't even be home alone at that age?

My kid wouldn't leave his room other than to get a snack - which he would FaceTime me first to ask if he's allowed, fruit or something easy to grab - or to go to the loo.

Agreed that the gym isn't an emergency! I don't normally do it over the weekend but had no time during the school hours. His dad has had him for just one weekend since the beginning of October (doesn't see him any more) and I have no childcare options so I was a bit happy that now DS is older, I can leave him for a workout but according to the police, that's a no!

I think it's perfectly age appropriate to leave a 9yo for 40 minutes. It's also not illegal - but the caveat is if there's an accident and the police decide it's because there was no adult there, you can then be prosecuted for neglect.

I was walking a mile to/from the bus stop to get to school alone at the age of 11 and home alone all day during the holidays from 12 - 40 minutes sat at home watching TV is absolutely fine for a 9yo. I'd be more worried if mine wasn't able to be left (disabilities etc. aside, obviously).

I think it's fine, I have left my children at that age for up to an hour, as long as they are happy and have a way to contact me if needed, phone/iPad. It's just your ex trying to get one over on you.

I wouldn't leave my (just) 9yr old on her own, even though she's v sensible. She doesn't have a phone though, which would be a big part of the reason. I don't know many friends who would either tbh but I wouldn't report someone for it!

At 9 i would be starting to leave mine at home, but it would be 5-10 mins eg to nip to corner shop, i don't think i'd have progressed to 40 mins every week for a gym session. It will really depend on the child and how sensible they are. To be fair though, I'd also be sending mine to the corner shop 3 mins away on their own once 8 or 9, i do think we need to give kids a little more independence.

At our school they allow kids to walk home without an adult at age 10 but it's a very small village, everywhere is within 10 minutes walk and they won't allow it if there's not a parent/adult waiting at home (i.e. you can't do it to avoid paying for asc/childminder if you are out at work).

The thing is for a sensible 9 year old who you feel very sure you can trust, what are the risks? A fire - unlikely if no appliances running, and we’ve briefed many times about what to do, checked that he can unlock all doors easily etc. even if trapped upstairs he would be able to climb out on to a single storey roof. And a fire is highly unlikely.

In the even less likely someone could break in, but unlikely in the day in a street where our neighbour is constantly pootling about.

For me 9 is the age where for many children they’re fine for 30 mins or so on their own. Some won’t be ready but the world is really not that dangerous!

It’s fine, and actually great parenting. By age ten children are supposed to be able to walk to primary school alone. How are they going to cope with stranger danger and crossing roads with speeding cars if they’ve never even been left alone for 40 minutes?!

You have to build up to it. A few minutes alone at age 8 while mum posts a letter. An hour alone at age 9 watching tv while mum pops to shop and with a plan of what to do if mum is delayed (ie mum’s mobile number and confidence to call others if needed).

I have a 9 year old and whilst she’s sensible, I wouldn’t be comfortable with leaving her home alone to go to the gym. I can understand if it was for an emergency or something. My friend who is a single mother registered her daughter for swimming at a leisure center so she then goes to gym at the same time as well. That seem like a good idea or maybe you find him a Saturday activity that lasts more than an hour where you can drop off, go to the gym, etc and then pick up after until police and SS are off your back and he’s older

There is no legal limit but the guidance from NSPCC recommend that any child under 12 should not be left alone especially for longer periods.

Further to this if your child is hurt or injured due to being left alone at the age of 9 for example you could actually be charged and arrested for neglect. So there is other laws that come into this.

I mean I wouldn't do it personally

I think the nspcc advice is a bit meh - what do they even mean by linger periods? And I do think for some children being overprotective really raises their anxiety, it has been notable that trusting DC1 and teaching him some life skills about what to do it’s has really improved his mental health and confidence.

Wow. I don't really care what 'the law' says but leaving a 9 year old at home alone, come on!!??
This is batshit crazy on so many levels.
This HAS TO BE a troll post 🙄

When my DS was 9 I left him for 13 minutes while I dropped his sister to the school gate. During those 13 minutes the doctors surgery had called me back twice and I’d missed the calls, DS had Shingles. As I opened the door DS was in the hallway looking very worried, he wasn’t at all sick with Shingles, he said “the doctor called”. I could feel the blood draining from my body, SS would surely have to be involved, I’d left a sick child alone. “What did you say?”, I asked. “I told him I was your husband” he said.

I don't think you've done anything wrong but if your in the middle of a toxic court case with your ex, I wouldn't give him any reason to use against you.

I wouldn’t have left any of mine home alone at 9. I don’t think they were mature enough to cope in the event of an unforeseen emergency. I agree that you shouldn’t give his father any ammunition to use against you in a court case.

^^This.

Although some 9 yr olds are more mature, it's still very young to be left at home for the best part of an hour in a non-emergency situation.

There's lots of "well I used to do X, Y, Z and I was OK...." on this thread. There were lots of things that used to be common practice, but aren't acceptable today. Also, the world is very different today than it was 20, 30 or 40 years ago.

I don't think it's a shocking thing to do, but I don't think it's particularly advisable either - and it goes against the advice from the NSPCC. Plus if you are already in the middle of an acrimonious battle with the ex, it wasn't very smart. The fact you looked it up online suggests that you knew it might be a bit dubious and you've now handed the ex ammunition.

Also, there are plenty of PP on this thread saying they wouldn't do it but you seem to only be acknowledging the ones who agree with you.....

40 mins for a sensible child should be fine