What would you say to crying mother if you were MIL?

[ferryi]

I've been having a very stressful time with my DC. They have both been sick for ages and especially the older one just didn't seem to be recovering. I have been worrying that something is seriously wrong. I have a toddler and a baby.

I've just been so on edge and down about it all and broke down in tears in front of MIL. I thought her response was very cold and now I feel a bit better, I just think she could do better. I'm embarrassed about it and shouldn't have let her see me this way, but I really was at my lowest point and just breaking down crying without any control over it.

It happened twice. Anyhow, she just said- why are you crying ? I replied, I'm just so tired, it's been hard, I'm worried about older one. She replied you need to be strong for your kids and not cry and then changed the subject.

We don't have a particularly good relationship, but she always claims she likes me ( she doesn't and I think her treatment about me crying and other stuff she does, shows this ). We've had several fights where I've called her out on being out and out hurtful towards me and she's never owned up to it or even apologised for upsetting me, but rather always attacked me for being too sensitive / crazy / not well intentioned etc.

Anyway, I totally understand that not everyone can deal with someone else's crying well. But I really think people can try a bit harder in general ? Especially if you're ' family '

TBH I don’t have enough left in the tank to be some sort of faux therapist to people who I can’t actually give any sort of practical help to. At times I have gone through things you can’t imagine - think of the worst thing that could happen to you - and I think it’s have little tolerance for someone breaking down because they have a solvable temporary problem like a child who sometimes gets ill

Mutual support is one of the things which helps create bonds and strong relationships.
If you can't give it, you can't give it. 🤷
Some people have the capacity, so could give it if they wanted, but not the inclination.
But the absence of the option of mutual support means it is one of the elements missing from the fabric of your relationships and that will naturally mean there are limits to do with that on the relationships in your life.
I imagine for those who can't or won't give mutual support, or are more selective then most on what is worthy of their support, that they are at peace with the natural result.

Fair comment. What I said was based more on the general lack of empathy/willingness to support those they do claim to care about that I see around MN a lot. But I still think the OP's MIL could have tried harder to show her some understanding/empathy.

Well, it's hard to say based on a one sided telling of an interaction which didn't happen without context. Just to look from the other side, it might be hard for the mil to know what she can say. We can see the op is a bit touchy and she thinks that the mil dislikes her, has brought it up repeatedly and has reacted to other situations by calling the mil out but also wants emotional support. It might be hard to know how to respond for the least possible come back. I know I might hesitate to get overly involved if that is the point of view of the mil.