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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To despair at the NHS re hospital scan

420 replies

Jessandtess · 14/01/2023 12:41

This is part AIBU part desperate plea for advice.

i am currently 37 weeks pregnant and having a c-section in 13 days time. Im having regular growth scans and need one before the section goes ahead, which my consultant has insisted on. And he needs it done before our pre op appt late next week.

I’ve had childcare fall through for DD18 months so can no longer make my planned 38 week scan date, I’ve called to rearrange and been told scans are like gold dust and they can’t offer me a different date until the 2nd of March! Which is a teeny bit late.

I’ve asked if they can wave the no children coming with you rule since I need the scan, it’s not really a case of being able to just cancel and leave it. But alas the reply I got from the lady at the hospital was ‘well you’re just going to have to figure something out, you can’t not have the scan and we can’t get a different date’

DH is currently in hospital and will be for the next week at least (had a mini stroke) my mum was due to have DD but has had to cancel, I have no one else to take her and local childcare options are slim to none (and need more notice than I can give)

AIBU to wonder how on earth there is no wiggle room for such situations re taking a child into a scan, or to not quite believe there aren’t appts held back for emergencies, I had to go to maternity triage a couple of months ago and had a scan performed within 20 mins, not in the formal scan rooms but an ultrasound was conducted and they could see and measure all the same shit. I’m just a bit confused at the response being ‘well you have to come for the scan so figure something out’ response, and it was said like that (the lady was quite curt)

Onto the advice, what would you do in this situation? I’m genuinely flummoxed.

OP posts:
minopd · 14/01/2023 12:51

They HAVE been flexible by fitting you in at your consultants request. (I'm on a waiting list that is one year long for a MRI). Sorry but You need to sort child care.

The staff member may have been curt because he/she knows how little flex their is in the system.

Ask anyone you know from playgroups, friends, relatives etc.

Iwouldlikesomecake · 14/01/2023 12:52

I would ring and ask to speak to the matron in charge of outpatients as in both units I’ve worked in they would be the ones who could help. If you literally have nobody else who could help you will have to bring your child, your DH has had a stroke ffs. If your child will sit quietly through the scan that is.

If your DD won’t be ‘left’ with anyone is there a friend who can come to the appointment with you and take her for a walk round the block just while you have it done? That works well sometimes.

I work in this area and it’s really difficult because it’s important for sonographers to be able to concentrate and if a toddler is wailing or trying to escape the buggy etc they really can’t see what they need to - but similarly sometimes people just have no other option and by saying no other children EVER it stops women from accessing very necessary healthcare. Hope you find a solution.

NewIdeasToday · 14/01/2023 12:53

It’s not unreasonable for the hospital to ask you to find childcare. What would your plan be if you suddenly went into labour earlier than planned?

Iwouldlikesomecake · 14/01/2023 12:53

And no, this is not the same as something with a waiting list (!) 18 week targets don’t apply in pregnancy where if you need a scan at 37 weeks, you need a scan at 37 weeks- it’s not something you can just push back

titchy · 14/01/2023 12:56

The NHS really isn't responsible for providing solutions to your childcare issues. You either find a solution or don't go. It's as simple as that.

It does sound like you've got a huge amount on your plate, and I'm sorry to hear about your dh, but those are the choices I'm afraid.

DDivaStar · 14/01/2023 12:57

I'm so sorry your H is in hospital your head must be all over the place.

Is there honestly no one else to ask ? Does your mum know how important this scan is ? I would expect your friends and family to be more supportive at this time.

Original poster
Jessandtess · 14/01/2023 12:57

minopd · 14/01/2023 12:51

They HAVE been flexible by fitting you in at your consultants request. (I'm on a waiting list that is one year long for a MRI). Sorry but You need to sort child care.

The staff member may have been curt because he/she knows how little flex their is in the system.

Ask anyone you know from playgroups, friends, relatives etc.

Not sure how they’ve been flexible by honouring a medical requirement to book the scan. The section will not go ahead without the scan, I can’t Labour naturally, so I’m not sure what they expect to happen.

would you consider them flexible for booking in the 12 and 20 weeks scans?

OP posts:
Addymontgomeryfan · 14/01/2023 12:57

I would ring and ask to speak to the person in charge, and then you can explain your situation to them and they may be able to allow you to take your child in your circumstances.

The receptionist probably was wrong to be curt, but they will have to constantly deal with people asking them to bend the rules for them and making up all sorts of excuses why it should be done. You have a genuine need to take your child. I hope you get it sorted and your DH gets home soon.

Notonthestairs · 14/01/2023 12:57

In an ideal world you'd have a friend wait outside the doors with your child. But given that's not possible try sitters.co.uk - we used them when we had moved house (so kids were 2 & 3) and they were really helpful.

I hope your husband makes a good recovery. You must be exhausted and stressed.

Tricolette · 14/01/2023 12:58

Why has your dm cancelled?
There can't be anything more important than your pre cs scan surely.

Namechange828492 · 14/01/2023 12:58

Tbh i would try every other avenue and if it's literally impossible i would just bring D C along. Ive taken DC along to multiple appts, if you cant get childcare there's nothing you can do. However my DC are pretty good at zoning out to peppa and it's never caused an issue

Original poster
Jessandtess · 14/01/2023 12:58

titchy · 14/01/2023 12:56

The NHS really isn't responsible for providing solutions to your childcare issues. You either find a solution or don't go. It's as simple as that.

It does sound like you've got a huge amount on your plate, and I'm sorry to hear about your dh, but those are the choices I'm afraid.

I can’t not go, that’s the entire issue here. The lady even said as much on the phone. I can’t not have the scan but genuinely can’t make it on that date.

OP posts:
cocolemonad · 14/01/2023 12:59

Do you not have a single friend / relative / acquaintance who would come with you and wait wait with dd in the waiting room? I can see why they won't allow her in, they need to concentrate to get correct measurements and with no one to hold your dd they can't have her toddling round the room or being disruptive.

Coffeeandchocs · 14/01/2023 13:00

NewIdeasToday · 14/01/2023 12:53

It’s not unreasonable for the hospital to ask you to find childcare. What would your plan be if you suddenly went into labour earlier than planned?

This.

OP, you may despair at the NHS, the NHS despairs at people cancelling appointments. There’s valid reasons why children aren’t allowed at scans. If something was detected at the scan, say for example requiring an emergency c-section, do you think the sonographer will moonlight as a babysitter for you?

Eleanorbeleanor · 14/01/2023 13:00

I’ve used these people many times and they have always been great:
www.sitters.co.uk

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 14/01/2023 13:01

You just seem to think they will fold on this and let you take her. You really need to get a plan in place if they don’t. Even if a friend just takes her to the coffee shop for a cake. You need it done. She can’t go in with you. Get it sorted.

ExtraOnions · 14/01/2023 13:02

This will be unpopular … but I would just rock up with the 18 month old, plead ignorance … they aren’t going to send you home once you are there.

ThreeLittleDots · 14/01/2023 13:04

If you went into labour today where would your DD go? The NHS would place her with an emergency foster carer, does your mother really have no other option than to cancel on you?

Inkpotlover · 14/01/2023 13:04

Knowing the predicament you're in, how crucial the scan is and your DH being in hospital after a stroke, why has your mum pulled out of helping? Ideally you want a babysitter who could come to the hospital and push the buggy round outside for the time it would take. There are agencies you could try, or maybe ring the local nurseries to see if they know of someone. There has to be someone who can help.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 14/01/2023 13:04

ExtraOnions · 14/01/2023 13:02

This will be unpopular … but I would just rock up with the 18 month old, plead ignorance … they aren’t going to send you home once you are there.

Is this right? I could see them refusing.

Eleanorbeleanor · 14/01/2023 13:04

Eleanorbeleanor · 14/01/2023 13:00

I’ve used these people many times and they have always been great:
www.sitters.co.uk

FFS - link looked fine in the preview 🙄. It is sitters.co.uk as suggested by a PP.
i’m sorry you are having such a stressful time and hope your DH recovers very soon .

OntarioBagnet · 14/01/2023 13:05

Why has your mum cancelled.¿

100thname · 14/01/2023 13:05

You need to ask somebody to come with you to watch dd as PP have said. If they won’t do it for free, you’ll need to pay them. Older teenage child of a friend who would welcome £25?

Original poster
Jessandtess · 14/01/2023 13:05

Tricolette · 14/01/2023 12:58

Why has your dm cancelled?
There can't be anything more important than your pre cs scan surely.

She has had a court summons so can’t get out of it (she has tried but as it’s not ‘her’ medical needs being met it doesn’t count under their criteria for rearrangement)

She isn’t the criminal in the case though! Just want to make that clear Blush

Ive been wondering what kind of build up of bad karma I’ve had to get so much shit luck in one go recently Angry

OP posts:
Original poster
Jessandtess · 14/01/2023 13:06

ThreeLittleDots · 14/01/2023 13:04

If you went into labour today where would your DD go? The NHS would place her with an emergency foster carer, does your mother really have no other option than to cancel on you?

If I went into labour today she would go to mum. It’s one date she can’t make, not weeks.

OP posts:
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