Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To despair at the NHS re hospital scan

420 replies

Jessandtess · 14/01/2023 12:41

This is part AIBU part desperate plea for advice.

i am currently 37 weeks pregnant and having a c-section in 13 days time. Im having regular growth scans and need one before the section goes ahead, which my consultant has insisted on. And he needs it done before our pre op appt late next week.

I’ve had childcare fall through for DD18 months so can no longer make my planned 38 week scan date, I’ve called to rearrange and been told scans are like gold dust and they can’t offer me a different date until the 2nd of March! Which is a teeny bit late.

I’ve asked if they can wave the no children coming with you rule since I need the scan, it’s not really a case of being able to just cancel and leave it. But alas the reply I got from the lady at the hospital was ‘well you’re just going to have to figure something out, you can’t not have the scan and we can’t get a different date’

DH is currently in hospital and will be for the next week at least (had a mini stroke) my mum was due to have DD but has had to cancel, I have no one else to take her and local childcare options are slim to none (and need more notice than I can give)

AIBU to wonder how on earth there is no wiggle room for such situations re taking a child into a scan, or to not quite believe there aren’t appts held back for emergencies, I had to go to maternity triage a couple of months ago and had a scan performed within 20 mins, not in the formal scan rooms but an ultrasound was conducted and they could see and measure all the same shit. I’m just a bit confused at the response being ‘well you have to come for the scan so figure something out’ response, and it was said like that (the lady was quite curt)

Onto the advice, what would you do in this situation? I’m genuinely flummoxed.

OP posts:
NoNewsIsGoodNews · 14/01/2023 14:05

A good friend will need to take your toddler on their school run. I am sure most decent people would help as a one-off.

bearhugs22 · 14/01/2023 14:10

I find it frustrating that you keep saying how you ‘can’t believe they don’t have scans available for emergencies’… they do, but your situation IS NOT AN EMERGENCY! I do sympathise with you situation and I would also be stressed up to my eyeballs if I were in your shoes, but you are VVVU to expect them to treat this an an emergency

JimJimJim · 14/01/2023 14:12

Does your mum have any friends herself who could help you out? I have made the assumption that she lives fairly locally if she was helping you out so does she know anyone who could help?

YouJustDoYou · 14/01/2023 14:12

Jessandtess · 14/01/2023 13:52

Ooh entitled to necessary healthcare am I. How awful

Show quote history

You don't sound entitled OP, you're just trying to ask for solutions. Ignore them.

WhenIAmOldIShallWearPurple · 14/01/2023 14:14

This is yet another example of how the NHS is a patriarchal system that fails to provide for the needs of women. Women are the default carers and it is not always easy to get childcare. It's why so many women who are carers end up ignoring health concerns.

Patineur · 14/01/2023 14:16

It’s annoyingly at an awkward time (14:30) so all my ‘mum’ friends with DD have older kids in school that need picking up,

Can't they take your toddler in a buggy with them to do school pickup? If she's placed as you say it shouldn't be any extra trouble.

oneredeemingfeature · 14/01/2023 14:17

stopbeeping · 14/01/2023 13:07

Call maternity and ask to speak to the matron
Ask for one of the hcas to sit with your baby whilst you have the scan
The matron can arrange it

Not ideal but best option if they won't change their mind on the baby in the room nonsense

It's not like she's 9 fully able to understand what's going on and be worried and you're having a scan at 8 weeks to check for a heart beat.

Also the section can and would go ahead even if you didn't have this scan. What do you think happens in emergencies? I've had two cat 1 emergency sections and a lot of the things you do before a section are nice or best to have not vital to have

They have portable scanners anyway and can have a look in theatre at your placenta or whatever they may be worried about

I know it's such a stressful time but try to keep calm and just call the matron and give her those two options. She will sort something for you.

Ps. I've had three sections 3 were planned.. but
1, came prem and I had a ga cat 1 crash

  1. Scheduled and was in labour that day so became a cat 2 emergency
  2. Scheduled 39 weeks but went into labour 36 weeks, cat 1 section done in 40 mins I had even driven myself to hospital and had no bag and no husband!!!

You'll be ok I promise

Do you honestly think HCAs have nothing better to do than babysit when at work? You've no idea how busy that unit is. Imagine if everyone decided to bring their children?

Pipsquiggle · 14/01/2023 14:18

You need to ask friends /nct class mates /nursery workers /colleagues to help you for an hour.

Or use sitters or have a look on local FB groups or Google 'emergency nannies' in your area.

You need to build up a network other than your DM. There are loads of other options. You will also need back up plans for your c section.

I would only take your DC to your appointment as an absolute last resort

I hope your DH gets better and your scan goes well.

WishIwasElsa · 14/01/2023 14:19

@harrysbeard

Entitled! Did you read her dh is in hospital have g had a mini stroke op is heavily pregnant. Her mum has a court summons.
I would be in despair long before this.
Where are you maybe one of us could help out.

SpottyBalloons · 14/01/2023 14:20

@Jessandtess Considering they were able to perform an ultrasound with 20 mins notice just 6 weeks ago on me I’m not sure it’s unnecessary.
Its odd to think there is no planning in place for emergencies.

Yes, it's odd and completely wrong to think that. Planning obviously does take place to ensure the necessary resources are available in an emergency. This isn't an emergency though, hence it isn't being treated the same. Why does the school run stop one of your friends from looking after your child - surely they could manage to take her with them?

GrinAndVomit · 14/01/2023 14:21

MrsWhites · 14/01/2023 13:53

Some very strange responses on here.

The OP has a sick hospitalised husband, a mum who can’t make one day and people are saying things like ‘you need to sort your childcare’ - helpful! Do people really leave their 18 month old with a random teenager from Facebook?

Of course it’s not for the NHS to sort childcare for patients either but they could show a little empathy for the OP’s situation and a toddler in a pushchair to be allowed to attend.

I’d ask them if you could be made aware of any cancellations that week that might come up or would give the consultants secretary a call to see if they can help move the date or even contact PALS and ask them if given your husbands situation whether they could help with a relaxation of the rules or a change of date.

Totally agree.
Mine aren’t allowed iPads out and about, or at that age, but I would happily make an exception in this case. Stick CBeebies on and I might even stretch to some chocolate buttons for maximum quiet.

A blanket ban on allowing pre-schoolers to appointments just makes already marginalised women (mums with little or no support) further marginalised.

TheaBrandt · 14/01/2023 14:21

You definitely need a network of fellow local mums both for your own sanity and mental health and to fill gaps like this in an emergency.

Maytodecember · 14/01/2023 14:22

I think you’ve exhausted all possibilities but you could try calling your local college and ask if there is a responsible ( they should all be!) childcare student who’d be able to babysit for a couple of hours?

olympicsrock · 14/01/2023 14:23

Scoobyblue · 14/01/2023 13:53

You can still ask your Mum friends. Drop the toddler with them and they can take her with them for pick up. It's what they would do with a younger child anyway.

This

GrinAndVomit · 14/01/2023 14:24

Is there any way you could contact your consultant and get them to change the appointment?

Perhaps phone and cancel it and then phone and tell the consultant why. They would probably authorise a new appointment.

Don’t leave your baby with a stranger found on Facebook or mumsnet.

Busybody2022 · 14/01/2023 14:25

The obvious solution is to take the child in their buggy. The hospital will have to get over it.

MichelleScarn · 14/01/2023 14:25

Call maternity and ask to speak to the matron
Ask for one of the hcas to sit with your baby whilst you have the scan
The matron can arrange it
not sure whether to laugh or cry at this idea!* *

GrinAndVomit · 14/01/2023 14:25

WhenIAmOldIShallWearPurple · 14/01/2023 14:14

This is yet another example of how the NHS is a patriarchal system that fails to provide for the needs of women. Women are the default carers and it is not always easy to get childcare. It's why so many women who are carers end up ignoring health concerns.

Well said!

khaa2091 · 14/01/2023 14:28

There are scan rooms in my local hospital where you would not physically be able to fit a pram in the room and close the door (and therefore see the screen). Reception staff (many scan departments don't have HCA)are not DRB checked to work with children and cannot legally be left in charge of them (and you are theoretically putting their job at risk if they try and help).
If the scan is as important as you say, there is the potential for something concerning to be found and be sent to labour ward / DAU for a CTG / bloods or other investigations.

I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time but the hospital have made their policy clear.

strawbfield · 14/01/2023 14:29

Send a message on WhatsApp to your neighbours. Can anyone accompany me
And stay with child in waiting room
For 20 mins

Also Facebook local community group

People are always happy to help: even strangers

staybyyou · 14/01/2023 14:29

You could try nanny agencies locally. Or local nanny/childminder pages on facebook. I'm a nanny and would be happy to help in a situation like this. Or I second asking another mum friend to take her with them on their school run.

Is your child in nursery? They may be able to take her for an afternoon session. Sorry if this has been suggested, I haven't read every comment.

ELL2478 · 14/01/2023 14:30

MichelleScarn · 14/01/2023 14:25

Call maternity and ask to speak to the matron
Ask for one of the hcas to sit with your baby whilst you have the scan
The matron can arrange it
not sure whether to laugh or cry at this idea!* *

This. Some people are clueless.

Nocutenamesleft · 14/01/2023 14:30

I’m the same. I had to have emergency growth scans. My husband was really sick in hospital. I had no one to have my child and like someone else said. I had my child in a pushchair and a sister looked after her. Apparently really against the rules but they were amazing. They bent over backwards to help. I just wouldn’t have had the scan my doctor would have given me a c section and they actually did end up given me an emergency c section.

my child had to go with my mum and everyone was really sick. Was one of the worst times of my life. I had a newborn baby in neo natal. A husband who I was told was dying and a child who was sick and all my family members so sick they were all on the verge of hospital

i then had a bleed on the brain…..so yeah. Shit time!

Nocutenamesleft · 14/01/2023 14:31

Jessandtess · 14/01/2023 13:52

Ooh entitled to necessary healthcare am I. How awful

Show quote history

Have a private scan at a different time?

ThingsChristmasJumper · 14/01/2023 14:33

Patineur · 14/01/2023 14:16

It’s annoyingly at an awkward time (14:30) so all my ‘mum’ friends with DD have older kids in school that need picking up,

Can't they take your toddler in a buggy with them to do school pickup? If she's placed as you say it shouldn't be any extra trouble.

This. It isn’t an emergency, you’ve got plenty of notice.