To despair at the NHS re hospital scan

[Jessandtess]

This is part AIBU part desperate plea for advice.

i am currently 37 weeks pregnant and having a c-section in 13 days time. Im having regular growth scans and need one before the section goes ahead, which my consultant has insisted on. And he needs it done before our pre op appt late next week.

I’ve had childcare fall through for DD18 months so can no longer make my planned 38 week scan date, I’ve called to rearrange and been told scans are like gold dust and they can’t offer me a different date until the 2nd of March! Which is a teeny bit late.

I’ve asked if they can wave the no children coming with you rule since I need the scan, it’s not really a case of being able to just cancel and leave it. But alas the reply I got from the lady at the hospital was ‘well you’re just going to have to figure something out, you can’t not have the scan and we can’t get a different date’

DH is currently in hospital and will be for the next week at least (had a mini stroke) my mum was due to have DD but has had to cancel, I have no one else to take her and local childcare options are slim to none (and need more notice than I can give)

AIBU to wonder how on earth there is no wiggle room for such situations re taking a child into a scan, or to not quite believe there aren’t appts held back for emergencies, I had to go to maternity triage a couple of months ago and had a scan performed within 20 mins, not in the formal scan rooms but an ultrasound was conducted and they could see and measure all the same shit. I’m just a bit confused at the response being ‘well you have to come for the scan so figure something out’ response, and it was said like that (the lady was quite curt)

Onto the advice, what would you do in this situation? I’m genuinely flummoxed.

What about DH's side of the family? Do you have in laws who could come over for the day or a few days if they would have to travel to watch your DC whilst you go to the scan?

Sorry you are dealing with all this but you really can't turn up with a toddler in tow. Have you talked to your consultant about it? They can probably pull strings to get you another appointment or be scanned on ward with the portable scanner at a different date to your appointment.

Emergency appointment are there for literal emergencies - people arriving in maternity triage or at othe antenatal appointments and the midwives/ doctors deciding they need a scan now. The receptionist isn't allowed to book those before hand as they can't predict what is going to happen on the day and have to keep them free.

Go on sitters.co.uk. Problem solved.

I appreciate you’re stressed but you’re directing it at the NHS and it’s really not their fault.

You say the timing is awkward but have you actually asked on local Facebook groups? I used to work in a pre school mornings only and did one ad hoc babysitting and “mothers help” type work. There may be out of work childcare professionals or even those who don’t work but volunteers and would actually help.

I would take a friends toddler on the school run as a favour. You really need to double check that nobody would do you a favour.

I would absolutely help out someone I don’t know well in a case like this and I doubt I’m unique. You’ve had strangers on here offer to sit in the waiting room and they don’t even know you!

People are usually kind and helpful.

I don’t think they do scans for the fun of it, and I hardly think you can use your experience as a benchmark. Why the OP needs the scan is nobody else’s business, and totally irrelevant to the thread!

Could your mom friends but take your daughter with them on the school run?

This solution is far too straightforward.

Doing this would prevent the opportunity to blast the NHS for not being all things, to all people.

All people including those who consider the NHS responsible for their own lack of childcare arrangements. 😂

Yes handing her toddler to some random off the internet is a great idea.

Ask mum again, dad, aunties, uncles, cousins - on both sides of family. This is a problem not down to the NHS but to lack of a local support network which is really needed if you decide to have children. That or you ensure you have access to and can afford paid help. What will happen to your eldest if you are stuck in hospital for a week after the new baby is born?

It’s not an emergency though is it, it’s your childcare issue.

What if you booked a private scan elsewhere? They are usually around £80-£90 and offer more flexible appointments in the evenings and at weekends. Would the hospital consultant accept it?

Does your DD go to nursery or preschool? My DS’s preschool has taken him on ad hoc days in an emergency. Or do you go to a regular playgroup? I’m sure there are people happy to help in this situation. I’d do it for a mum at playgroup even if I didn’t know them very well.

Do you not have a single friend or neighbour or friend of your Mum's who could help?

Hope your DH is OK.

Sorry OP I know how shit it is to have no childcare and to be honest it sounds like you would ordinarily have a better support system than I ever have. I had to have my 12 week old baby with me when I was blue lighted to hospital with suspected sepsis - and she was with me in resuss because I has nobody else to come and get her. Doctors weren't happy and I suspect they would have phoned social services if I had taken a turn for the worse (thankfully I was discharged after being treated). But the point is that it really does happen to people. They do also have portable machines that they can do growth scans on - I had one before my emergency c-section, it took 5 minutes so worst case scenario if you miss the appointment they're not going to leave you on your own, you clearly need the c-section. You have a lot to deal with right now and everything probably feels very overwhelming, but honestly if nobody gets back to you about babysitting then I'd take your child to the appointment with you, that way you know you have done everything you could have.

Is it that you don’t really trust anyone but your Mum to have your toddler for half an hour or so?

Id ask anyone I knew to help it that situation, you'd fine most people willing to help out. If you really can't find anyone, just take her with you.

You need to work on finding a support network though. Neighbours, school mums etc. Most people are kind enough to help out in an emergency.

I had a similar problem.

I do see their POV for concentration etc, but when I tried to use sitters.co uk for a scan appointment, they couldn't help. I had a friend take ds and two years later that friend threw back at me how she hadn't wanted to. I don't like relying on friends for this very reason.

I have long felt the NHS could open a creche next to every labour ward. Even if it's paid for - I am not rich at all but I would consider it a necessary cost to pay to put my child in a creche whilst in labour or during a scan. Even at £20 an hour, for my health I'd pay it.

People will come along and say that's not affordable for some, but that shouldn't be. Reason to not do it at all.

Turn up and hope for sympathetic staff to entertain your child whilst your scanned. If they wont do it I wouldn't worry you can get a scan on the day before your section. You don't really have a choice do you.

But in the nicest possible way that was an emergency scan sounding like performed by an on call doctor or radiographer that you needed and it happened with a mobile scanner. This isn’t an emergency in the same way, teh only issue is your child care.

Still ask your mum friends, they can take your DD with them on the school run no issue. Is your DH in the same hospital? Could he have a visit from DD in the day room or is he capable of having a drink with her in the coffee shop?

But any mum doing teh school run will be set up to have another kid in an emergency if you ask and there is room for your car seat,.

it does sound a very stressful time.

@Jessandtess I know nursery workers are on there, nannies as well. It's worth a shot. Hope you get sorted

Honestly mumsnet is just mental sometimes.

Do any of you suggesting it actually leave your child with a random teenager? Or a stranger from a local Facebook group 🤯🤣

OP I hope you get sorted I would just take her with you. As long as she’s sat in her pram
and not running around the room I’m sure it will be fine, take snacks and a tablet to keep her entertained. You don’t really have any other option what can they do?

People saying find a babysitter online are disgusting! Since when has taking children to scans not been allowed due to H&S or the sake of the sonographers concentration? I call BS on that, it’s all down to using covid as an excuse for anything they fancy. Oh and you absolutely aren’t using the NHS for childcare by requesting to take a toddler to a scan when it was always the done thing a matter of 2 years ago.

I personally would phone your consultant to discuss and if you aren’t brave enough to just show up at the scan with your little one I would contact PALS who I’ve found to be very supportive in the past.

Good luck with your scan, section, new family and husbands recovery!

An example of what we have to put up with on just a typical day in the nhs!

The reason why many of us come home stressed and many have left! Stuck between a rock and a hard place. (Risk assessments and departmental rules vs ever demanding members of the public)!

As a mother of 2 with no family around, I think you are being ridiculous and entitled. This is the reality of life with 2 kids. There will often be things you can't take both children to and you'll have to make other arrangements. Your predicament is a very common one, and it is really not hard to pay for a babysitter. They could literally meet you st the hospital and look after your child for 20 mins while you have the scan. I honestly can't see the problem.

Can't 2 mum friends buddy up to help? One takes your DD/ comes to hospital the other collects relevant DC from school and drops them home/ runs a play date.
Not that hard

🙈🙄