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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To despair at the NHS re hospital scan

420 replies

Jessandtess · 14/01/2023 12:41

This is part AIBU part desperate plea for advice.

i am currently 37 weeks pregnant and having a c-section in 13 days time. Im having regular growth scans and need one before the section goes ahead, which my consultant has insisted on. And he needs it done before our pre op appt late next week.

I’ve had childcare fall through for DD18 months so can no longer make my planned 38 week scan date, I’ve called to rearrange and been told scans are like gold dust and they can’t offer me a different date until the 2nd of March! Which is a teeny bit late.

I’ve asked if they can wave the no children coming with you rule since I need the scan, it’s not really a case of being able to just cancel and leave it. But alas the reply I got from the lady at the hospital was ‘well you’re just going to have to figure something out, you can’t not have the scan and we can’t get a different date’

DH is currently in hospital and will be for the next week at least (had a mini stroke) my mum was due to have DD but has had to cancel, I have no one else to take her and local childcare options are slim to none (and need more notice than I can give)

AIBU to wonder how on earth there is no wiggle room for such situations re taking a child into a scan, or to not quite believe there aren’t appts held back for emergencies, I had to go to maternity triage a couple of months ago and had a scan performed within 20 mins, not in the formal scan rooms but an ultrasound was conducted and they could see and measure all the same shit. I’m just a bit confused at the response being ‘well you have to come for the scan so figure something out’ response, and it was said like that (the lady was quite curt)

Onto the advice, what would you do in this situation? I’m genuinely flummoxed.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jessandtess · 14/01/2023 13:49

MrsH497 · 14/01/2023 13:12

Try bubble it's a babysitting app I've used it before.

Friend to walk round outside the hospital while you have the scan? The scan won't take long, ask on local groups of a childminder could help out?

Thank you for these, will try them out.

Have put requests through childcare and babysitters.com sites and nothing so got nothing to lose!

It’s annoyingly at an awkward time (14:30) so all my ‘mum’ friends with DD have older kids in school that need picking up, the teens that live next door (who’d be perfect for this imo) are in school themselves and due to how long sometimes it takes to be seen at the scans I couldn’t even guarantee people would be free at 15:30 to collect from late school club!

OP posts:
AxolotlEars · 14/01/2023 13:49

This is what I would do....long experience with NHS both in and out and many complicated pregnancies.....turn up the appointment with your daughter in a pushchair. Do not apologise for her being there. If they comment respond with a question such "what shall we do now?' or "Are you saying you won't do the scan?" If you get obstruction from reception then ask to speak face to face with the sonographer. If they won't scan you then you didn't DNR. I think that you are more less likely to be turned down in this situation than if you call and ask them to change the rules. If you don't get a scan before you are admitted for section and your consultant wants one they will make it happen.

OntarioBagnet · 14/01/2023 13:49

oviraptor21 · 14/01/2023 13:10

The children come in with you. Speaking from experience 😉

Show quote history

And speaking from experience the healthcare professionals call social services and arrange emergency foster care so not an ideal solution.

lking679 · 14/01/2023 13:50

Otherwise could you download the bubble babysitting app or find out if there’s any local nurseries or childminders that will do a few hours of emergency care?

MavisMcMinty · 14/01/2023 13:50

just try and keep her entertained/well behaved for the scan.

How do you entertain a toddler when you’re lying on your back with a scan probe up yer chuff/pressing on your belly?

Strictly1 · 14/01/2023 13:51

AxolotlEars · 14/01/2023 13:49

This is what I would do....long experience with NHS both in and out and many complicated pregnancies.....turn up the appointment with your daughter in a pushchair. Do not apologise for her being there. If they comment respond with a question such "what shall we do now?' or "Are you saying you won't do the scan?" If you get obstruction from reception then ask to speak face to face with the sonographer. If they won't scan you then you didn't DNR. I think that you are more less likely to be turned down in this situation than if you call and ask them to change the rules. If you don't get a scan before you are admitted for section and your consultant wants one they will make it happen.

If you do this you are beyond rude! Talk about bulldozing to get your own way.

Original poster
Jessandtess · 14/01/2023 13:51

titchy · 14/01/2023 13:14

What's preventing your asking a friend or asking for a local teenager on FB or paying sitters.co.Uk?

Nothing

its odd you think I’d not have tried that first.

the time of the appt means no one is able to help (14:30, so local teen neighbours are in school, my mum friends need to pick up their older kids from school and none of the 4 people locally on sitters.com have come back to me)

OP posts:
Original poster
Jessandtess · 14/01/2023 13:52

harrysbeard · 14/01/2023 13:16

You should "despair" at you lack of childcare not the NHS.
You sound very entitled.

Ooh entitled to necessary healthcare am I. How awful

OP posts:
MavisMcMinty · 14/01/2023 13:53

Please don’t listen to @AxolotlEars - don’t make this the hospital’s problem when they’re already on their knees.

ProblemsBacktoback · 14/01/2023 13:53

I had similar recently. The scan was vital . The rules were no dc and strict. I went there with dd in the pushchair (it was nap time she was asleep) and said I had the notes saying it was important and if they were then refusing to do it could they please add that to my notes in case anything happened . They decided they would do the scan

Original poster
Jessandtess · 14/01/2023 13:53

Lolojojonesi · 14/01/2023 13:20

What an awful situation to be in - so sorry about your husband - but it's not the NHS's fault at all that this has happened and it's not their responsibility to sort out your childcare. Your thread title is unnecessarily NHS bashing.

I agree with othres that you need to ask around friends for someone to look after your lo for an hour or so when you're having the scan - or pay for a service to do this. You'll find someone.

Considering they were able to perform an ultrasound with 20 mins notice just 6 weeks ago on me I’m not sure it’s unnecessary.

Its odd to think there is no planning in place for emergencies.

OP posts:
Mamoun · 14/01/2023 13:53

Do you have a friend who could take your daughter... maybe come with you and wait at a coffee near the hospital while you get it done?

RainbowsLemonDrop · 14/01/2023 13:53

If you're in nottingham, I can help. I have a 7 month old but happy to sit in the cafe with your DD. :)

MrsWhites · 14/01/2023 13:53

Some very strange responses on here.

The OP has a sick hospitalised husband, a mum who can’t make one day and people are saying things like ‘you need to sort your childcare’ - helpful! Do people really leave their 18 month old with a random teenager from Facebook?

Of course it’s not for the NHS to sort childcare for patients either but they could show a little empathy for the OP’s situation and a toddler in a pushchair to be allowed to attend.

I’d ask them if you could be made aware of any cancellations that week that might come up or would give the consultants secretary a call to see if they can help move the date or even contact PALS and ask them if given your husbands situation whether they could help with a relaxation of the rules or a change of date.

Scoobyblue · 14/01/2023 13:53

You can still ask your Mum friends. Drop the toddler with them and they can take her with them for pick up. It's what they would do with a younger child anyway.

Viviennemary · 14/01/2023 13:53

It's very difficult but you are going to have to find childcare. There is no other solution it would seem if the hospital won't bend its rules. Your Mum needs to step up and do that day I would say.

Lj8893 · 14/01/2023 13:54

Hi OP. First of all I’m really sorry to hear about your DH, I hope he is fighting fit soon.

I am a midwife so have a little knowledge/experience.

Im not entirely sure I know of a situation where a CS won’t go ahead without a growth scan first? But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have your scan.

I have looked after clients children before in situations like yours where they have no childcare for a scan/appt, but only if I have had availability to do so myself. Equally I would do it for a colleagues client if they were not available, I am doing so on Monday. But that doesn’t mean the midwives in your hospital have capacity to do this.

Contacting your outpatient matron or even head of midwifery is not a bad idea, they may be able to make arrangements.

Definitely look into sitters, they are brilliant.

teapotfullofsquash · 14/01/2023 13:55

I've been to scans before where other people have had their child. And I mean there's been a dad and mum and the kid. Nothing has been said to them.

I have also had to take my own three children for a scan at the EPU. I rang them on the day in absolute floods of tears, my dh couldn't get home to me (working away) I had nobody to have my children and I needed the follow up scan for a missed miscarriage. The nurse said, just come and bring them and don't worry. I walked into the reception and she whisked me straight through. The three kids sat at her desk eating the kinder egg I bought them. I had my scan and she watched them while I dressed and redressed.

Flowersonthewall123 · 14/01/2023 13:55

My SIL is a midwife, just take your child with you and they will let you in for the scan. Just take lots of snacks and an iPad etc. Apologise and explain. We don’t have many options for child care due to family being multiple hours away. So I asked these questions too.

Shes had women rock up in labour with little kids then someone has come and collected them. It happens every so often and they are understanding. It’s not great but it’s better you make it to hospital and they kids are there for 30 mins while someone collects them than not making it in.

emmathedilemma · 14/01/2023 13:55

If you really can’t find childcare then I’d ring first thing Monday morning and ask to speak to your consultant’s secretary and explain the situation to them. They’re usually pretty good at sorting out bureaucracy.

titchy · 14/01/2023 13:58

the time of the appt means no one is able to help (14:30, so local teen neighbours are in school, my mum friends need to pick up their older kids from school and none of the 4 people locally on sitters.com have come back to me)

Can your mum friends not just take your toddler with them to do the pick up? Older teens in sixth form - there are always loads of responses when people post needing a babysitter for a couple of hours in the day. Use another agency. Other thought - is your mum going to be at an in person court session? Many are still online.

RewildingAmbridge · 14/01/2023 14:00

If you have mum friends surely they will take your child and just do school pick up with her in tow? That's what I'd do happily for a friend, tbh in these circumstances for pretty much everyone I had a passing knowledge of

Ionacat · 14/01/2023 14:01

Nightmare timing. If you are near me in the south depending on the day, I would be happy to meet you at the hospital complete with ID and my enhanced DBS and keep an eye on your DD in the waiting room whilst you have the scan.

Jedsnewstar · 14/01/2023 14:02

ExtraOnions · 14/01/2023 13:02

This will be unpopular … but I would just rock up with the 18 month old, plead ignorance … they aren’t going to send you home once you are there.

What I was thinking.

Original poster
Jessandtess · 14/01/2023 14:02

ProblemsBacktoback · 14/01/2023 13:53

I had similar recently. The scan was vital . The rules were no dc and strict. I went there with dd in the pushchair (it was nap time she was asleep) and said I had the notes saying it was important and if they were then refusing to do it could they please add that to my notes in case anything happened . They decided they would do the scan

This is reassuring thank you! If I can’t find something online I’m going to have to give it a try and see if they let her in. Thankfully she is quite placid so will just sit in her pram and entertain herself. Not sure what I’d do if I had a whirlwind toddler!

and I hope your scan went well Flowers

OP posts: