To despair at the NHS re hospital scan

[Jessandtess]

This is part AIBU part desperate plea for advice.

i am currently 37 weeks pregnant and having a c-section in 13 days time. Im having regular growth scans and need one before the section goes ahead, which my consultant has insisted on. And he needs it done before our pre op appt late next week.

I’ve had childcare fall through for DD18 months so can no longer make my planned 38 week scan date, I’ve called to rearrange and been told scans are like gold dust and they can’t offer me a different date until the 2nd of March! Which is a teeny bit late.

I’ve asked if they can wave the no children coming with you rule since I need the scan, it’s not really a case of being able to just cancel and leave it. But alas the reply I got from the lady at the hospital was ‘well you’re just going to have to figure something out, you can’t not have the scan and we can’t get a different date’

DH is currently in hospital and will be for the next week at least (had a mini stroke) my mum was due to have DD but has had to cancel, I have no one else to take her and local childcare options are slim to none (and need more notice than I can give)

AIBU to wonder how on earth there is no wiggle room for such situations re taking a child into a scan, or to not quite believe there aren’t appts held back for emergencies, I had to go to maternity triage a couple of months ago and had a scan performed within 20 mins, not in the formal scan rooms but an ultrasound was conducted and they could see and measure all the same shit. I’m just a bit confused at the response being ‘well you have to come for the scan so figure something out’ response, and it was said like that (the lady was quite curt)

Onto the advice, what would you do in this situation? I’m genuinely flummoxed.

Your sense of entitlement is off. You need a scan, they have offered you a scan and you e had plenty of notice to arrange childcare. It's issues at your end not theirs.
Stressful given your DHs position, but you just need to find alternative childcare.

Good for you and st Thomas, but the OP’s hospital doesn’t allow children in.

Pay a babysitter from e.g. sitters.co.uk

Ok for all the people saying ‘the matron won’t do anything’ they may if they are helpful. They may be able to help just by making the exception that DD can be in the department and not being stopped by security/reception, with the caveat that if she can’t sit quietly in the corner something will need to be rearranged.

It may be that the person in charge can wangle a slot elsewhere that wouldn’t be open to just calling up and booking.

They are two things that would have possibly happened at both (large) hospitals where I’ve worked and where I currently work. I’ve sat with small children for 20 mins in the past myself if it’s the difference between a vital scan and a woman possibly not being able to access care.

I'm sorry you're in this situation but unfortunately if they made an exception for you they'd have to do it for everyone else.

@ThroughThickAndThin01 well that's my point, isn't it, they should do. Other NHS hospitals manage it, so all those banging on like it's such an insane suggestion, aren't really right, are they. As I said, it's not a revolutionary concept, despite how some are overreacting on here

Whereabouts are you or what hospital are you having the scan at? Maybe one of us could meet you there and help with childcare whilst you have the scan.

Whether they should or shouldn’t is a moot point though. If the op’s hospital doesn’t, then she has a problem she needs to solve. I feel for her, she’s having a tough time, but the problem is there which needs solving by her. Rocking up with toddler dd may work and they still go ahead, but theres a risk they won’t do the scan.

What a nightmare for you OP. I guess the temptation is to show up and hope but if they don’t let you in then I guess you’re back to square 1.

However, I’ve helped out a school mum who I didn’t know particularly well in this situation. People exchanging pleasantries at the school gate and she was stuck and I volunteered as I lived a few houses away. Slightly different as we were already passing acquaintances but the kindness of people is sometimes underestimated especially as you’re going through a tough time.
Sitters.co.uk can be good, our local Facebook group is full of DBSed babysitters with references. You could ask one to come with you and then sit in the waiting room whilst you go for the scan, you might feel more confident with that rather than leaving your DD with someone she doesn’t know.

They won't do the scan

It will be a complete waste of time

If you need childcare do you have a Facebook toddler group page or school wassap page you can put out a plea on.

I know I would be happy to come along and sit in the waiting room for a known mum in the community and safeguarding wise is a lot safer than having some random babysitter at short notice. I'm pretty sure I am not the only one who would do this either if the need was there.

Why do you NEED to have a scan? What do you think happened years ago, before all this technology? My sons are 42 and 39 (Yes, I'm old haha) and I had ONE scan with the 2nd, NO scans with the 1st. No problem with either birth.

I think in your situation I’d put a plea out on our local fb group. For a teenager to come with you / meet you there and just watch the child for an hour. I’d have totally been up for that at 15/16 Obviously you’d pay them
but you really can’t take your child with you even strapped into the pushchair - they’re really strict about it

Would your consultant accept a private scan?

You could take you dd with you if you book a private one

It's really unfair on the sonography staff to be out in this position, in my hospital we are not allowed look after children on this situation and it's very difficult to concentrate on your job with a toddler in the room . The NHS is stretched enough without using its staff as babysitters. I vent believe you have no one to ask , have you really no fiends or acquaintances at all?

Someone will help you - neighbour, friend, another mum from the school gates. You’re going to have to look further afield. It would only be for a short time, someone will help out.

You are twisting this to try and make it look like it’s the fault of the NHS. This is your problem, not theirs. Most scans have a several week wait so they’re not being inflexible, they genuinely don’t have an appointment to offer. You’re expecting too much.

Which hospital? I would be willing as would many others to meet at the hospital and entertain an 18 month old for half an hour while you have your scan. Is that a viable option or am I missing something?

When you have small children it's really important to build a network so you have people who can help out in situations like this. I would ask on my local FB group if there were any local local babysitters who were willing to come with you to the appointment and be with your toddler outside while you had the scan. It would be easy money for a college teenager, and lots of them aren't in college every day.

Or as said, try Sitters.

Do you have any local Mum friends at all, do you go to any baby groups? I found people were more than happy to help me in these situations and it put emergency child care in the bank for them.

Will you be driving? If so, could you pay a teen babysitter to come with you and sit in the car while you go in? Or the cafe area of the hospital?

Bit rubbish but trying to think of the cheapest solution that involves leaving your child for the shortest time?

I bet you do have someone who’d do this for you (I would!) but I realise it can be hard to ask. My WhatsApp group of school mum friends has been a miracle at times, deffo try and cultivate some mum friends as your kids grow up (most of mine I met at at breastfeeding group at sure start ten years ago!)

You can't take your toddler because the staff need to be able to entirely focus on your unborn child and it's well being.

It's not the norm to have an 18 month old at a place of work, which this is for the staff carrying out your scan

Do you have neighbours or friends who can maybe come along and then wait outside the room with your toddler ?

Put on FB and ask if there is anyone who can take your dd for an hour, maybe in the hospital café while you have it.
I've done that a couple of times for people. I sit in the café and read to the dc, and they have what they think of as an amazing treat of a cake. At 18 months it's even easier, as they can stay in the buggy and be pushed round as an alternative.

This is a pretty flimsy reason to criticise the NHS!

I’m really sorry about your husband etc but it does frighten me how in many situations today we try to make our problem other people’s problem. It is your problem to solve - not the NHS. There have been many suitable suggestions made but still some think the overworked member of staff at the hospital either needs to suck it up or sort it. Why?

Are you going to ask to bring your toddler to your c-section if your childcare falls through? Or ask them to move the appointment for that too? It’s the same thing.

I’m sorry your husband has been unwell but you need to sort out alternative childcare.

There was a no children rule when I had my scans but women would still turn up with their children, I doubt they’d turn them away just try and keep her entertained/well behaved for the scan.