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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To despair at the NHS re hospital scan

420 replies

Jessandtess · 14/01/2023 12:41

This is part AIBU part desperate plea for advice.

i am currently 37 weeks pregnant and having a c-section in 13 days time. Im having regular growth scans and need one before the section goes ahead, which my consultant has insisted on. And he needs it done before our pre op appt late next week.

I’ve had childcare fall through for DD18 months so can no longer make my planned 38 week scan date, I’ve called to rearrange and been told scans are like gold dust and they can’t offer me a different date until the 2nd of March! Which is a teeny bit late.

I’ve asked if they can wave the no children coming with you rule since I need the scan, it’s not really a case of being able to just cancel and leave it. But alas the reply I got from the lady at the hospital was ‘well you’re just going to have to figure something out, you can’t not have the scan and we can’t get a different date’

DH is currently in hospital and will be for the next week at least (had a mini stroke) my mum was due to have DD but has had to cancel, I have no one else to take her and local childcare options are slim to none (and need more notice than I can give)

AIBU to wonder how on earth there is no wiggle room for such situations re taking a child into a scan, or to not quite believe there aren’t appts held back for emergencies, I had to go to maternity triage a couple of months ago and had a scan performed within 20 mins, not in the formal scan rooms but an ultrasound was conducted and they could see and measure all the same shit. I’m just a bit confused at the response being ‘well you have to come for the scan so figure something out’ response, and it was said like that (the lady was quite curt)

Onto the advice, what would you do in this situation? I’m genuinely flummoxed.

OP posts:
stopbeeping · 14/01/2023 13:07

Call maternity and ask to speak to the matron
Ask for one of the hcas to sit with your baby whilst you have the scan
The matron can arrange it

Not ideal but best option if they won't change their mind on the baby in the room nonsense

It's not like she's 9 fully able to understand what's going on and be worried and you're having a scan at 8 weeks to check for a heart beat.

Also the section can and would go ahead even if you didn't have this scan. What do you think happens in emergencies? I've had two cat 1 emergency sections and a lot of the things you do before a section are nice or best to have not vital to have

They have portable scanners anyway and can have a look in theatre at your placenta or whatever they may be worried about

I know it's such a stressful time but try to keep calm and just call the matron and give her those two options. She will sort something for you.

Ps. I've had three sections 3 were planned.. but
1, came prem and I had a ga cat 1 crash

  1. Scheduled and was in labour that day so became a cat 2 emergency
  2. Scheduled 39 weeks but went into labour 36 weeks, cat 1 section done in 40 mins I had even driven myself to hospital and had no bag and no husband!!!

You'll be ok I promise

WhatLikeItsHard · 14/01/2023 13:08

I work in the NHS. This is a common problem.

The lady was probably curt because she hears this a lot, but people usually manage to organise childcare in the end.

In an ideal world, there would be a creche in the hospital which could be used by parents/caregivers who genuinely have no one that they can rely on for childcare. Or CRB checked babysitters who could wait in the hospital waiting room while you have your scan. I would actually love it if this was an option.

I'm sympathetic that it is shit and stressful if you have no one you can ask. But many departments have a strict no babies or children policy because of health and safety etc, so not sure what you can do. The staff will be twitchy about potentially being left to look after your child (happened to me a few times!).

BeepBeenBop · 14/01/2023 13:08

I would ask any friends or neighbours. It won’t be ideal but I would do it for someone if asked. DD might be upset but you need that scan on a certain time frame

DorothyCannoli · 14/01/2023 13:09

I'd be on Facebook asking for a friend, acquaintance, neighbour to help. I'd help someone in this situation even someone I didn't know well. My mum is well known in her immediate area for being an emergency last minute babysitter

oviraptor21 · 14/01/2023 13:10

NewIdeasToday · 14/01/2023 12:53

It’s not unreasonable for the hospital to ask you to find childcare. What would your plan be if you suddenly went into labour earlier than planned?

The children come in with you. Speaking from experience 😉

CellophaneIsTheName · 14/01/2023 13:10

Surely at 18 months she can sit in the pram in the corner of the room? Yes she may not be happy about it but she'll be safe and out the way

TheOtherHotstepper · 14/01/2023 13:11

If you're local to me OP and it's not on. Thursday, I'd be happy to meet you at the hospital and entertain your toddler while you have your scan.

BarbedButterfly · 14/01/2023 13:11

I work at the NHS and we are strictly no children in certain areas as it goes against our Health and Safety policy and senior staff would say the same unfortunately. We are understaffed too and don't have any staff to spare to sit with a child. You can of course contact someone else but just wanted to prepare you. If you turned up with a child we would have to cancel your appointment

MrsH497 · 14/01/2023 13:12

Try bubble it's a babysitting app I've used it before.

Friend to walk round outside the hospital while you have the scan? The scan won't take long, ask on local groups of a childminder could help out?

1FootInTheRave · 14/01/2023 13:13

They won't just see you if you turn up with your child.

Nor will a matron arrange a hca to babysit.

Ffs. Some stupid advice on here.

WhatLikeItsHard · 14/01/2023 13:13

Call maternity and ask to speak to the matron
Ask for one of the hcas to sit with your baby whilst you have the scan
The matron can arrange it

I'm 99.9% the matron won't.

Maybe years ago, but not now. What if something happens to the toddler while she is being looked after by the HCA? Who isn't trained, insured etc etc. And who is going to do the HCAs job while she is looking after toddler? And who looks after toddler if something happens to the OP and she goes into labour?

Beachsidesunset · 14/01/2023 13:14

What area are you in, OP?

EdwardianDream · 14/01/2023 13:14

ExtraOnions · 14/01/2023 13:02

This will be unpopular … but I would just rock up with the 18 month old, plead ignorance … they aren’t going to send you home once you are there.

They would refuse to do the scan and rebook it.

titchy · 14/01/2023 13:14

What's preventing your asking a friend or asking for a local teenager on FB or paying sitters.co.Uk?

harrysbeard · 14/01/2023 13:16

You should "despair" at you lack of childcare not the NHS.
You sound very entitled.

sexnotgenders · 14/01/2023 13:16

I took my toddler DD to an ultrasound during my current pregnancy. I didn't even ask in advance. I am a SAHM and had no other childcare options (apparently this is impossible to believe in the MN universe of endless relatives and helpful friends with no jobs). I simply politely explained the situation to the receptionist when I arrived and said it was either scan me, or I would have to leave. They did the scan no problem and were very kind and understanding of my circumstances. My DD causes no bother and the sonographer was great. If you really don't get anywhere on the phone, I would turn up at your time slot and see what happens. You are getting a blanket 'no' from the receptionist because they are (rightfully) trying to dissuade those who use scans like a film screening and being a whole entourage - they expect you to solve the problem (because they probably don't think it's an actual problem and get spun a load of lines daily by others). So turn up and then explain there were no other options

MillenialAvocado · 14/01/2023 13:19

YANBU but you're going to need it sorted anyway. Try asking round friends/family, Facebook community groups for registered childminders, sitters.co.uk. There's also a website called childcare.co.uk where you can search for all types of childcare, including emergency childcare. I would just message everyone on there. Good luck, I hope it gets sorted.

Lolojojonesi · 14/01/2023 13:20

What an awful situation to be in - so sorry about your husband - but it's not the NHS's fault at all that this has happened and it's not their responsibility to sort out your childcare. Your thread title is unnecessarily NHS bashing.

I agree with othres that you need to ask around friends for someone to look after your lo for an hour or so when you're having the scan - or pay for a service to do this. You'll find someone.

CoffeeInTheClouds · 14/01/2023 13:20

I volunteer for a charity called Safe Families For Children, providing short term respite care to children who are not in the care system but do need support. Referrals usually come from social services, but sometimes directly through local churches etc.

There are often one off support placements where trained and vetted volunteers help out in cases just like yours. Safe Families have regional offices, and if they work in your area may be able to help.

sidsgranny · 14/01/2023 13:21

This might be a completely stupid thought but if the scan is at the same hospital that your husband is could he have her in a relatives room or somewhere while you have your scan?

BakedTattie · 14/01/2023 13:21

Agree with pp.

despair at your lack of childcare. Not the nhs. It’s not their fault.

you need back up plans.

ThreeChildrenWithSEN · 14/01/2023 13:22

Can you put a plea out locally for a friend or a neighbour or even a stranger ( sahm / babysitting teen ) to come with you and dd and sit in the waiting room / hospital cafe for the few minutes of the scan? Offer them some cash in hand? Expenses for the journey time and time waiting at hospital. This way dd not out of your sight any longer than absolutely necessary

QuinnofHearts · 14/01/2023 13:23

I had to take my 5yr old to a scan a few months ago; my husband was admitted to hospital urgently and I had no childcare. I rang the department, explained, and my son sat with headphone on in the corner watching cbeebies.

Look at every way to get childcare, and ring for permission

HomemadePickle · 14/01/2023 13:23

I’m really sorry about your DH but the despair is at your personal lack of options not the NHS. I’m sorry you have such limited support and few friends and family, and are lacking the means to book a babysitter through sitters.co.uk or similar. But I work for the nhs and while there is a lot to despair over, it can’t take the blame for your predicament.

sexnotgenders · 14/01/2023 13:23

The OP doesn't need childcare so I don't know why people keep banging on saying it's not the NHS's responsibility to provide it. She just needs to be allowed to have a small toddler in a pram in a room while a scan takes place. There are no health and safety reasons why this can't happen. My hospital, St Thomas's in London, allows children into such scans. It is not a revolutionary concept 🙄🙄

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