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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have DH's location visible at all times?

582 replies

Algor1thm · 14/01/2023 07:44

This should really be AWBU because it's the same for both of us. We've had location sharing on between us 24/7 for a couple of years now. I can always see where DH is and vice versa. It's hugely helpful and we turned it on for very practical reasons. No more messaging each other where are you, having to explain that we're stuck in traffic, worrying about each other if we're running late etc. It's certainly not to 'check up on each other', there has never been a hint of suspicion of infidelity in the relationship and we both trust each other fully. Days go by without me checking his location, but it's very handy to have there when we need it.

We're both happy with the arrangement, but I said to a friend the other day that I'd just quickly check whether DH was home yet and looked at my phone, and she reacted like what I was doing was really awful. She was gobsmacked and sort of acted like it was a controlling/abusive thing (despite it being both ways). I've mentioned it to several friends since and I've had very mixed reactions. Some couples do the same, some thought it was very odd.

AWBU? Is this a weird invasion of each other's privacy?

OP posts:
CrackersCheeseAndWinePlease · 14/01/2023 07:46

I don't have my DH's location and he doesn't have mine. I do however have my dd15 location and she has mine.
DH has never asked for my location but if he did I'd share it

Woeman · 14/01/2023 07:47

I could think of nothing worse than someone knowing where I am at all times, and generally I'm not that bothered about where dh is. It's just too much, but you're OK with it so...

Akite · 14/01/2023 07:48

We have the same, our whole family shares locations for entirely practical purposes.
In a safe and trusting relationship, it's fine. But it does also have the potential to be used in a controlling way as well so I am not surprised some people think of it like that either.

Slimjimtobe · 14/01/2023 07:48

I wouldn’t like it to be honest but if it works for you and dh / then go for it

The problem is telling people your business. then they feel they have a right to an opinion

Zanatdy · 14/01/2023 07:48

Not something I’d ever do personally.

oviraptor21 · 14/01/2023 07:48

As long as you're both happy with that arrangement yanbu.
I wouldn't like it and would refuse if someone suggested it.

Onnabugeisha · 14/01/2023 07:49

So long as there is 100% mutual consent it’s fine.

amiold · 14/01/2023 07:50

Works for you.
Works for your husband.

No one is feeling controlled.

It would be wrong if you were using it it to control him but doesn't sound like that to me and he's willingly shared it.

tigger1001 · 14/01/2023 07:50

It's not for me.

We just text each other if we are going to be late.

grayhairdontcare · 14/01/2023 07:50

It's not for me. I couldn't be doing with being tracked

allthelittlelights · 14/01/2023 07:50

It's not something I would do but if you are both happy then it's fine.

LlynTegid · 14/01/2023 07:50

If agreed and not coerced by one person to another, reasonable to me. Especially if your job or the local level of traffic makes journey times unpredictable.

HandsOffMyCarrierBags · 14/01/2023 07:53

i think it’s a bit weird. Handy for teens maybe if they are vulnerable and lost in the city and want to find you. Personally I’d hate to have my every moment monitored, I want to flit around freely without explanation and our relationship is based on trust. It’s open to abuse yes and controlling tendencies.

WoWsers16 · 14/01/2023 07:54

Me and my husband are the same - it's so useful and realistically it's not like we are somewhere we aren't supposed to be so I don't see the problem. It's also only checked if and when needed which isn't often to be fair. We also have my 2 sons location and I have my mum and dad (they have mine). Mainly dad as he loses his phone a lot so always good to check it's near him and mum just does.
I don't mind at all - the only time I turned it off was when I went to tescos during covid as I had cancer so didn't want my mum to know 😂
So for me I don't have a problem with it at all but understand it's not for everyone x

ColouringPencils · 14/01/2023 07:54

I would hate someone to know where I was at all times, and therefore I wouldn't ask them to share their location. I can see it does work well in some relationships, but I also hope it doesn't become the norm. Eg thinking of new relationships between young adults, I think that is a new creepy thing a boyfriend can ask you to do and you may find it hard to say no.

HandsOffMyCarrierBags · 14/01/2023 07:55

I’ve never felt the need to monitor DH, we just text or chat

selck · 14/01/2023 07:55

I have mine, my sister's and my mum's all on a family location group thing, but there's no way I'd want my partner on there. But that's a me and him thing, not any other reason. It's definitely open to being used for abuse but so are joint bank accounts, cctv/doorbells etc. You need to trust your partner not to take advantage if it all as some people would.

AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair · 14/01/2023 07:56

I also thinks it's weird but I grew up. Before mobile phones were invented all family life worked just fine but why would you care what I or anyone else thinks?

You do you

Quincythequince · 14/01/2023 07:56

I never have my location on by default.
If my husband were to insist on it (and he hasn’t ever asked once), I would tell him where to go.

I don’t know his location by default either.

It’s weird and controlling and frankly awful to suggest that anytime, real time tracking should be the norm!

DrMarciaFieldstone · 14/01/2023 07:57

Me and my DH have this, so do me and my sister!

Used for the same reasons as you.

KatyN · 14/01/2023 07:58

We share locations. I get the same reaction if horror quite a lot.

I think it's genius.

WhatsErFace2020 · 14/01/2023 07:58

I have both kids (teens) and DH and they each can track me. It’s checked to see when people are coming home/still at work/events etc. For the teens it’s so so handy, they take forever to respond sometimes and I just want to know they’re safe.

having said this I’m glad this wasn’t available when I was a teen - my parents would have found out I was in a field rather than having a sleepover 🤣😂

Original poster
Algor1thm · 14/01/2023 07:58

HandsOffMyCarrierBags · 14/01/2023 07:53

i think it’s a bit weird. Handy for teens maybe if they are vulnerable and lost in the city and want to find you. Personally I’d hate to have my every moment monitored, I want to flit around freely without explanation and our relationship is based on trust. It’s open to abuse yes and controlling tendencies.

Just to be clear, it doesn't feel like monitoring at all. Neither of us have ever texted each other and said why are you here or there (if we did it would be turned off straight away I'm sure). I can totally see how it could be used like that by some people or how it might come across like that from the outside, but it just isn't like that. I would happily tell DH anywhere I'd been in a given day anyway, I can't imagine lying about it. I guess it helps that neither of us are controlling or jealous types at all - just two scatty people prone to having our phones on silent and worrying each other from time to time when we go AWOL 😂

OP posts:
PuttingDownRoots · 14/01/2023 08:00

We have a security camera outside our house. A side effect of this is DH knows when I leave the house, when I put the bins out etc. Honestly... I hate it. I would hate him being able to look to see where I was too.

Quincythequince · 14/01/2023 08:00

Akite · 14/01/2023 07:48

We have the same, our whole family shares locations for entirely practical purposes.
In a safe and trusting relationship, it's fine. But it does also have the potential to be used in a controlling way as well so I am not surprised some people think of it like that either.

My husband and have been together 2- years and have a safe and trusting relationship, and it’s still bloody weird.

This is akin to ‘well if you’re not going to commit a crime, why be worried if the state has a record of it’ style mentality.

It is dysfunctional to need to know where another person is at any one time, and equally so to acquiesce to it.

Minors and other vulnerable dependents excepted here.