To have DH's location visible at all times?

[Algor1thm]

This should really be AWBU because it's the same for both of us. We've had location sharing on between us 24/7 for a couple of years now. I can always see where DH is and vice versa. It's hugely helpful and we turned it on for very practical reasons. No more messaging each other where are you, having to explain that we're stuck in traffic, worrying about each other if we're running late etc. It's certainly not to 'check up on each other', there has never been a hint of suspicion of infidelity in the relationship and we both trust each other fully. Days go by without me checking his location, but it's very handy to have there when we need it.

We're both happy with the arrangement, but I said to a friend the other day that I'd just quickly check whether DH was home yet and looked at my phone, and she reacted like what I was doing was really awful. She was gobsmacked and sort of acted like it was a controlling/abusive thing (despite it being both ways). I've mentioned it to several friends since and I've had very mixed reactions. Some couples do the same, some thought it was very odd.

AWBU? Is this a weird invasion of each other's privacy?

Yep, agree with this entirely.

I also don’t think I should check my husbands email, or open his post.

It’s his! Why would it be ok to do that?!

He knows the pin to my phone, and I his. But I simply wouldn’t ever check it. It wouldn’t occur to me to.

@Westernesse have you read the post I was referring to? In my opinion it is not acceptable for a parent to use an excuse of stuck in a meeting, without making an alternative arrangement once they realised the meeting was running over.

I never realised that dinner prep was such a complex thing. I don't know how I managed to get my family for decades without tracking them.

The only time I've had it was with a friend through mutual agreement who was actively suicidal and prone to disappearing.

My husband and I just text each other when we're heading home if the other one of us is cooking. No need to track each other normally!

FEED my family for decades....

If you’re both fine with it then there’s nothing to justify, but I’d hate it - as would my partner.

I am surprised that everyone doesn’t do it, mainly because I loose my phone several times a week and I need the location service turned on so dh or ds can use find my phone to find it for me 😀.

We’ve got it on but most of the time I forget it is. I’ve just reminded DH and he didn’t realise it was.

DDIL set it up for us after she and DS2 were here a couple of months ago. DH and DS2 had gone to pick up a takeaway and she told me they were just turning into the close, I asked how she knew and she told me because of this. I suppose it would come in handy in those situations if I remember it’s on.

How on earth did food happen before mobiles?

I do find the idea of in a new relationship a bf/gf saying to other 'if you are not doing anything wrong why can't I put a tracker on your phone' scary

It is not normal to expect that somebody should be able to know where you are at all times.

It is dysfunctional behaviour to expect to have this level of intrusion into somebody else’s life by way of knowing where they are at all times.

It also normalises this in our younger generations. How do they say no to a bf or GF wanting to track them? And they do have that right tbh!

If it’s mutual agreed then it’s great. You can’t text to say you’re running late if you’re stuck in traffic on the motorway or driving across town.

Yep! Open to all sorts of abuse.

I agree re dinner… I mean, it’s just dinner.

Humans have cooked it for their families and eaten it together (or missing one if they’re a little late) since time immemorial.

Why the need to micro-control things down to what will sometimes be a 20 min time span.

Its insane!

We do this. Mainly when DP worked frat away and traveled by motor bike so not so easy to call and ask how far away he is. It's never been an issue. For similar reasons I have non DC family members on it.

Voice activated texts are a thing btw.
And it’s also just good manners to contact someone to say if you’re going to be late too.

You can also (shock horror) pick up the phone for a 20 second call (also voice activated) when driving.

I can see the location of several family members and a friend, and obviously they can see mine too.

If I don't want one or more of them to see where I am going then I turn off the location sharing (pretty rare, but not unheard of). They do the same. No pressure to have it turned on, it's just useful sometimes to be able to see where someone is.

Another couple here who do this. We don’t monitor each other and spy as such but like OP said if someone is late home we check where they are in the traffic etc.

We also go one step further and all our family have access aswell to each other. I can see where my mum / MIL / sisters / brothers are at all times. Honestly it’s quite boring and I hardly check on their locations. Again mainly if we are meeting or visiting each other it’s super handy.

Me and DH have this. He finishes work later than me so I use it to see where he is in relation to starting making dinner etc.
I don’t use it to check where he is any other time so it’s not an issue for us.

My brother and I share locations as he lives alone.
But my DH and DCs don’t like to share locations.
I wish my DD who lives alone in a city would though as she often walks home late at night from the bus stop. Once she was talking to me while walking home and I heard a male voice and a bit of noise/scuffle. I asked “what was that?” She said “oh some junkie just asked me for money, I didn’t give him any” and then the line went dead. Silence. She had earlier said she was 5mins from her flat, almost home. So I call her back…nothing. I call every ten minutes for two hours and still nothing. I text as well.

I’m thinking ok, if her phone died and she got home in 5mins, surely she would have put it on a charger and sent me a quick text by now? Or answered one of the times it’s rung? There’s been time for her to get home, plug it in, have a shower, etc etc. It’s been two hours!

So I called the police on the nonemergency number and they went round to do a welfare check at 2am to make sure she made it home ok. And she had. And she was flipping furious with me for worrying and called me paranoid and said she wasn’t a child and she was only calling because the police treated her like an asshole for not calling her mum.

But honestly, she calls me on these late night walks because she feels safer…but feeling safer doesn’t mean you are safer. And having been accosted by a male “junkie” (her words) asking for money mere seconds before the phone goes dead? And she’s a tiny 21yr old…she’s the size of a 16yr old… And then nothing for two hours?!

I’d do it again, I don’t care how angry it might make her. What happened on my end would be no different if that man had decided to attack her, rob her and do god knows what else to her in a back alley at 11:30pm. The line would have gone dead and no response for hours. Yes I can’t prevent anything, but for example Zara Aleena was attacked earlier on a night, and because no one noticed or found her until the next morning, it was too late to save her from the injuries she had suffered. Every hour matters.

But if she shared locations with me, I’d have been able to see she’d made it home and not had the worry and she wouldn’t have had the police at her door either. It can be turned on and off whenever. I do wish she’d agree to turn it on when she’s on her way home after a late night and then turn it off next morning.

@JonSnowsCupbearer what's acceptable or not is really up to the couple

Not to drag a short story out but we usually compare diaries in the week but back each other up for pick ups

So in that very specific scenario, I knew DH had a meeting that was supposed to finish at 4.45. I didn't have a meeting but needed to finish a project off that is easier done in the office than at home so had some flexibility. I text DH when I realised he was stuck which pinged to his Apple Watch so he saw I was getting them.

If that hadn't have happened, he would have made his excuses to leave, text me and gone back in. I am closer to the nursery so he could have text me as late as 5.30 and I still would have got them in time. I then finished my project at home while DH did bedtime

Not sure the explanation was necessary but as I said, this works for us but I understand it won't work for everyone

Are there a lot of women on here who have dinner on the table when their presumably male DP walks in?

Is that what I’m reading.

1950s style, but with a modern twist.

Because is they’re only twenty minutes late, why would it matter re prep time, and if not than that, wouldn’t it be courteous to call?

My DH, DD and I all have Google location on. None of us are bothered if someone else knows where we are because we are all pretty much boring creatures of habit and we can usually guess where someone will be at any given point of the day. My DH works overseas and works very long hours so I tend to just check if he's left work / got home before sending a message just to save him having to send a message replying he's still at work. DH on the other hand is a bit rubbish at thinking he could just look where I am instead of sending a message. I think it's each to their own.

So I called the police on the nonemergency number and they went round to do a welfare check at 2am to make sure she made it home ok. And she had. And she was flipping furious with me for worrying and called me paranoid and said she wasn’t a child and she was only calling because the police treated her like an asshole for not calling her mum.

I don’t blame her.

Dh and I and our three children use it. It works for us, although I get why it doesn’t for other people. I use it to see where people are for logistics, I have never questioned anyone on why they were here or there.

This is just another example of what works for some, doesn't work for others. Me and my children use it, because we are all happy to. My husband chooses not to have it on his phone.

However, does take my children's phone from them when I'm not home to track and question where I am. He's definitely an example of why not to share your location!
However, I will continue to share with my children as it works for us.

It's like bringing a police state into your home. Adults have the right to do whatever they decide to do without being tracked 24/7, even if that involves disappearing for a few hours. They have the right to go on a detour without explanation, to do something unplanned, not to have to account for why they were here or there at any given time. I can see that there may be odd occasions when this might be useful but to have it on permanently seems to me extremely unhealthy. If my partner's going to be late I'd expect a call or a message or I'd call or message. Monitoring them is infringing on their independence. We are allowed to have secrets, even in devoted relationships. We are not accountable to our partners or families 24/7. The idea of my partner being able to see where I am at any time makes me shudder — not because I'm up to anything, but because this is totally unnatural. I have the right to privacy, I've earned the right to be trusted. Horrible.