To have DH's location visible at all times?

[Algor1thm]

This should really be AWBU because it's the same for both of us. We've had location sharing on between us 24/7 for a couple of years now. I can always see where DH is and vice versa. It's hugely helpful and we turned it on for very practical reasons. No more messaging each other where are you, having to explain that we're stuck in traffic, worrying about each other if we're running late etc. It's certainly not to 'check up on each other', there has never been a hint of suspicion of infidelity in the relationship and we both trust each other fully. Days go by without me checking his location, but it's very handy to have there when we need it.

We're both happy with the arrangement, but I said to a friend the other day that I'd just quickly check whether DH was home yet and looked at my phone, and she reacted like what I was doing was really awful. She was gobsmacked and sort of acted like it was a controlling/abusive thing (despite it being both ways). I've mentioned it to several friends since and I've had very mixed reactions. Some couples do the same, some thought it was very odd.

AWBU? Is this a weird invasion of each other's privacy?

I find it fascinating how divisive this issue is.

We are exactly the same as you OP - DH and I have been sharing locations for years without a second thought. It's really useful when we are working away from house and we can see when each other are likely to be back, so we can judge cooking, who is taking the kids to sports etc. Persoanlly I HATE having to check in with a text or call and find it really freeing to know that if my plans change I don't have to tell DH, he can just see that I've decided to stay at the pub. Its great.

However I have a visceral reaction to the idea of my mum or sibling knowing my location. NO NO NO, absolutely not!! So I can understand how some people must feel that about their partners.

We use Life360. Me, DH and 2 x DC are all on a family group. We find it really helpful.

I don't regard it as tracking someone as we all just have a quick look when we need to know where someone is.

The kids use it when I'm collecting them from school or a club so they can see where I am. The traffic can be bad so they know if I'm still on the way or I'm parked up the road waiting for them.

DH and I always tell each other where we're going that day anyway. We've been using it for years without any issues at all.

Works for us too -DH has a trip back which is easily delayed by roadworks or crashes. Means I can time dinner right.

I also quite like that my location is visible when I'm out dog walking

Me and my partner have ours switched on but only use it for find my iPhone because I'm always forgetting where I've put mine 🤦🏼‍♀️

I have the Life 360 app, so I can see where DS (11) is. This means he can see me, too. But DH flat refused to download it and be part of the group. Like PPs, he doesn't like the idea of being tracked. He's got nothing to hide. It's just something he's uncomfortable with. I don't care personally, and like you, I find it useful.

It's interesting to read the replies to see how many people agree with my DH.

Oh no that would not be for me either!

What was his plan re the kids? Stuck in a work meeting wouldn't cut it at nurseries/schools I know!

Sorry, to the point of the thread. I think the fact this is becoming the norm is very dangerous to society. My children's generation have so much more to deal with than I did due to technology such as this, and social media., I would think about what you are demonstrating is acceptable to your children, as imo being able to know where someone else is at any time is not.

Our whole family has it on. It’s extremely helpful when you’re trying to plan meals, make sure nobody has forgotten school/club pick ups, want to see if it would be a pain to ask someone to pop by the shop for bread etc.

Nobody has anything to hide so why would it be an issue?

We do this too with Life 360. Its really useful and doesn't bother me in the slightest.

the excuse that you know when to put the tea on is bizarre.. are people expecting to be served a plate of food or a hot cup the minute they walk through the door?

Well this is probably quite specific to me, but it’s handy to know if DH will be home in time for the DCs’ dinner or if he and I will eat separately later.

It’s not essential, it’s just one of those mildly helpful things that can make life a bit smoother/easier.

Also to a PP saying they would address the anxiety, I have spent 20+ years with my mother worrying about whether I’ve arrived safely from every car journey I’ve ever been on. We lost a family member to a car accident when he was a teenager. I’d rather just give her the easy reassurance tbh.

I see that the Life360 app has been down for a while, all the comments on Twitter from angry people amazes me .

I work in various locations all through the week and do alot of driving. While I'm out and about, I always send my OH my location. For me, it means he can check how close to home I am, whether I made it there safely, and whether I'm on my way home etc without needing to ask. It also means that if something was to happen (as I work alone) someone would have a rough idea of where I am which makes me feel a bit of relief.

On the flip side i dont have OH's location but he works much more locally and I don't really need to know where he is. If I did though, it would be an easy way of knowing. If you're both happy with it and it works for you, it's great.

DH and I share location. Completely practical. Started I think when we had our first child. Useful to check how someone’s commute is going. It works when signal would be out for texting. If one of us was out with baby easy to see without other having to text back the answer whilst wrangling a child. Don’t in anyway use it constantly. Can see why people wouldn’t want to. That’s fine. It isn’t and shouldn’t be compulsory! But we find it useful.

This took me back to being 16. I would have been in exactly the same situation!! With my now DH…

We all have this on, but we don’t use it - we text. We just have it in case we lose the phone … or I suppose in an emergency if we can’t contact someone.
I can see how it could be seen as controlling. Everything depends on the nature of the relationship. If my DH ever used to comment on where I’d been, I’d switch it off.

It doesn't need to be an issue I just don't need to track people

I don't understand why it is so hard to understand without some big saga back story to why people don't track

I don't use tiktok either same I don't track there is lots of things I don't do there is no issues I just don't do them

It's not a message I want my children to have. I want them to feel entitled to their privacy and not to be monitored 24/7.

Individual actions have effects beyond the individual. As 24/7 tracking becomes normalised, its use will spread.

Do I want my kids new boyfriend or girlfriend controlling their movements? No. How are they supposed to stand up for themselves if their parents have normalised tracking them.

Some people need to deal with their anxieties which are causing controlling behaviours. Others need to revisit what boundaries look like. There are a lot of people using these features in unhealthy ways

I don't really see how that works out. You see them stationary on a road somewhere - how do you know if they are stuck in traffic or in a ditch for example. You'd still need the message surely?

I have DH, my dad and 4 friends on Find My Friends 🤷🏻‍♀️ I like to use it occasionally to tell DH gleefully that he’s got the wrong train home again. If that makes me weird, controlling and dysfunction, I’m totally down with that. Sorry not sorry.

My wife and I turned our’s on on our iPhones years ago when we were away somewhere and have never turned it off.

it’s never been used for evil by either of us.

Sometimes if she is out with the kids I will have a look and see if they are on their way home or not to see how much peace I have left and when she is on her way home from the airport for a work trip I will see how close she is so I can have a cup of tea ready for her coming in the door.

I wonder if it's generational. I'm late 40s and DH late 50s, DCs in their early 20s. I remember the tracking apps being introduced and asking DS, (who would have been in his teens, I guess) if he would feel safer if we had it and he laughed and said something along the lines of 'mind your own business'. Both had been travelling to school alone by train since 11 with no issues. It's not my business what DH does before or after work, nor if the kids wanted to go for a walk somewhere after school. If they're late home and there's a problem, I'll find out soon enough. However, I was young and so were my kids during a time when there were bus and train conductors, people always around to help. It would seem that these services are being eroded so perhaps it is inevitable that there is less trust in society and more responsibility on the individual.

I assume he's in traffic not stuck in a ditch. If I happened to see he was in the same spot 15 mins later I'd probably call him... that's never happened.

Tracking is not part of an open and transparent relationship, and I don't not have a close relationship because I fundamentally disagree with it.

This is such a dangerous view. Just think about how vulnerable people can be controlled because of your narrative.

I find it really reassuring. We live rurally and also rely on the M6 which is always suffering from something.

The only time o came unstuck was when I was busted at McDonald’s on the M6 when he’d actually made a lovely dinner - oopsy

It comes down to consent. If you both agree to be tracked then no problem. However for anyone over 18 if someone is tracking you via your phone without your consent then no!

I have friend who tracks their DC at Uni and the DC would be furious if they discovered!