To have DH's location visible at all times?

[Algor1thm]

This should really be AWBU because it's the same for both of us. We've had location sharing on between us 24/7 for a couple of years now. I can always see where DH is and vice versa. It's hugely helpful and we turned it on for very practical reasons. No more messaging each other where are you, having to explain that we're stuck in traffic, worrying about each other if we're running late etc. It's certainly not to 'check up on each other', there has never been a hint of suspicion of infidelity in the relationship and we both trust each other fully. Days go by without me checking his location, but it's very handy to have there when we need it.

We're both happy with the arrangement, but I said to a friend the other day that I'd just quickly check whether DH was home yet and looked at my phone, and she reacted like what I was doing was really awful. She was gobsmacked and sort of acted like it was a controlling/abusive thing (despite it being both ways). I've mentioned it to several friends since and I've had very mixed reactions. Some couples do the same, some thought it was very odd.

AWBU? Is this a weird invasion of each other's privacy?

Me neither.

If you were my mum, I’d have told the police you were crazy!

Oh no...I'd hate this. Even though I really don't get out much other than work 😄. It doesn't sound like an abusive thing in your case, but I think the technology is almost designed for coercive controllers. Since you're both happy with it and find it helpful though, there's no problem.

So you’re saying, I should ignore my DDs phone going dead mid-sentence only seconds after a man that she identified as ‘a junkie’ tried to get money off her? At 11:30pm in a city not known for safety?

Just be like 🤷‍♀️ And go to bed?

I don’t think that happened.

I find it a bit weird, especially when the idea that it can sometimes be 'days' between checking is held up as proof it's not intrusive.

It feels close to the argument we trust each other and are honest so why wouldn't we go through each others messages, which also doesn't ring true with me.

The police didn’t think I was. They said I was right to call. The area she walks through isn’t a safe one.

We have it turned on as well, including for DS17.
We rarely use it but an example of when it is useful is when I go into the office, last week I went out after work and came home quite late, the motorway was partly closed so I took longer to get home than usual.
Rather than having to pull over to text/call DH I knew if he was worried he could track me, see i was off course and then see why.

Same and I would never tell you anything again

@Westernesse it didn't... I knew there was a possibility he'd be stuck and he knew I was flexible for pick ups

It really wasn't a drama

I don’t find it intrusive to share my location, or in any way an invasion of my privacy. I can say I’m going upstairs to the bedroom for a bit of peace and quiet for a while - the fact my location is known (I’m in the bedroom) doesn’t make me feel like I don’t have privacy while I’m in there.

I can be a work, it is known that I’m at work, but I’m on my own in a meeting room I’ve booked. I don’t feel any less sense of privacy.

maybe I’m doing it wrong, but knowing that someone I trust can have knowledge of my location doesn’t change my behaviour or my perception of my privacy.

I suppose it is a bit like getting changed in front of each other - for most of the world that is something we would do “privately”, but we don’t give a second thought about doing it in front of each other. It never feels like a weird invasion of privacy to do that, and neither does location sharing.

I would hate this and never agree to it. But if you are both genuinely ok with it, crack on.

I try to do that for my wife where feasible. It’s normal and convenient for both parties.

So many people just desperate to see an issue in everything.

We don't currently but I am planning on subscribing to a tracking service before we do our big motorbike trip, for my parents and kids' peace of mind. Not sure when but plan to ride to Australia!

Tracking for when dp goes out alone on his bike might be a good idea too I suppose, just in case. The country roads here have lots of drainage rivers and people drive into them regularly in cars, on a bike you could probably disappear

We do it. Useful for seeing how long til DH is home when he's travelling.

DH has his mum and dad as well. I sometimes share mine with a friend when I'm driving to her (you can share for a limited time on 'find my').

You can turn it off, and it's spotty enough that it wouldn't be 'suspicious' if you did. Not that I ever do.

What a faff for him, having to buy a second phone and leave his home phone at work when he wants to go out for some fun.

I think it’s a bit strange - but you do you

i share my location with my husband temporarily while cycling home in winter as I go through a really dark canal bit and I feel a bit better about it if someone knows where I am

but that’s it

In the context of OPs given context no not at all dysfunctional. It is functional for OP.

Monitoring them is infringing on their independence. We are allowed to have secrets, even in devoted relationships. We are not accountable to our partners or families 24/7. The idea of my partner being able to see where I am at any time makes me shudder — not because I'm up to anything, but because this is totally unnatural. I have the right to privacy, I've earned the right to be trusted. Horrible.

I couldn't agree more. Privacy seems to be a thing of the past, and I find that really disturbing.

TBH I can't imagine needed/wanting to know so often that this is helpful for practical reasons more than very occasionally.

That in itself seems odd to me. I'm all for transparency, but really weird to never have any secrets. You can't going a shop without him knowing? What if it's a present for him?

'It's hugely helpful and we turned it on for very practical reasons. No more messaging each other where are you, having to explain that we're stuck in traffic, worrying about each other if we're running late etc.'

What is wrong with a quick text or phone call?

I thought the location apps were more for worries parents.

I do get a weird vibe from it, but not sure what reason. It's just lazy?

I have my dh location all the time. I have severe psychological issues and a fear of abandonment etc and it was his idea to put my mind at rest and it’s really helped . He says it doesn’t bother him at all because he has nothing to hide and knows it helps me

From your OP it just sounded like he had no responsibility towards the situation, so apologies for the derail!

Indeed.

I think if you trust the person and they aren’t the type of person to be a pain in the arse and misuse it is is absolutely fine to have location sharing.

I wouldn’t share it with the poster who did this either.

if I was a woman I would be so sick of being infantilised by other women for the sake of their own emotional pay off.

We share location in Google maps. It is just for convenience so we can see if the other is home yet, or left work etc... Nothing weird or controlling about it. We both just find it convenient.

You say lazy, I say convenient. I have a busy life and so does my wife. If you think making things easier for ourselves in a way that suits us when we possibly can is lazy then I would say your thinking is dysfunctional.