To have DH's location visible at all times?

[Algor1thm]

This should really be AWBU because it's the same for both of us. We've had location sharing on between us 24/7 for a couple of years now. I can always see where DH is and vice versa. It's hugely helpful and we turned it on for very practical reasons. No more messaging each other where are you, having to explain that we're stuck in traffic, worrying about each other if we're running late etc. It's certainly not to 'check up on each other', there has never been a hint of suspicion of infidelity in the relationship and we both trust each other fully. Days go by without me checking his location, but it's very handy to have there when we need it.

We're both happy with the arrangement, but I said to a friend the other day that I'd just quickly check whether DH was home yet and looked at my phone, and she reacted like what I was doing was really awful. She was gobsmacked and sort of acted like it was a controlling/abusive thing (despite it being both ways). I've mentioned it to several friends since and I've had very mixed reactions. Some couples do the same, some thought it was very odd.

AWBU? Is this a weird invasion of each other's privacy?

Do I want my kids new boyfriend or girlfriend controlling their movements? No. How are they supposed to stand up for themselves if their parents have normalised tracking them.

Same with lots of modern things, by parents modelling using it in a healthy way. My DC have never heard DH and me have a conversation of the “why weren’t you where you said you’d be” type, because there’s no need. They’ve seen it used like “okay Daddy’s/Mummy’s going to be a while yet, you two get on and eat your tea” or when they are bouncing up and down in front of me going “Is Grandma nearly here yet?? Look on your phone and see!”

We have this, no problem. Its mainly for me, as he is building a house (ours) and therefore often not able to actually answer the phone if he is up a ladder, carrying wood etc etc. And I like to know if he is there so if I have a break or am driving past I can pop over to see how he is doing, take him coffee etc. I don't know if he ever looks at my location...

Very much like us. Just such a practical tool to organise stuff and keep day to day tasks managed better.

If you're both happy then I think it's fine. I personally wouldn't like it and wouldn't do it. Not sure why. I have nothing to hide and live a boring life! I go to the shops, to work, to see friends etc. DH always knows where I am. However, I'd just hate to have my every movement tracked. There's something scarily big brother about it. I also wouldn't want to track my DH.

But it doesn't work for you all... it works for your DH!

I cannot imagine a life where my DH was due to collect the kids but I was the one checking HIS whereabouts to make sure he was on time. And then realising I'd have to do it because he wasn't where he should be.

In your scenario what's happening is you have ALL the responsibility and he literally has none. He doesn't even have to try and make alternative arrangements. What if you had plans, work or a commitment you couldn't get out of? It's 100% your DH's responsibility to say 'I have school pick up' or 'I just need to make a quick call to rearrange my childcare'.

This has made my head spin!

When my kids were at nursery and I was collecting them I would be occasionally late due to being caught up before leaving work or traffic etc.
We could then both keep an eye on the situation and then my wife might go and get them. Happened the other way too.

as for the nursery, ours was private and for the very rare occasions we were a few minutes they had to just fucking lump it. We paid nurseries about £100k in total across both kids.

I don't see why it's useful for meal planning. I just get the meal ready and everybody who is there eats it and anyone who is not repeats it when they get in. I'm not going to faff around with checking locations and changing meal times as a result.

In terms of why I don't like it, it's not that I'm not trustworthy(!), I just am in my mind a free and independent person and I would feel horrible tethered by someone like this. I'm not joined at the hip to anyone and never will be.
If I wanted to see where my DC are (they're older now so we only do this when arranging pickups from random places) they just share their location on Google maps.

*reheats

I’m not somewhere I’m not supposed to be or lying about where I am.

I am simply a person who places a high value on privacy and independence.

I find it quite odd that you make these assumptions about people who would not like this. The reason you and your husband aren’t bothered by this isn’t because you’re doing the right thing and others aren’t, it’s because you have different ideas about privacy and independence. Nobody is wrong.

I think if it's mutually agreed and works for you it's fine (and also none of your friend's business). Personally, it wouldn't be something that I'd want to do, and it could definitely be used in a controlling and abusive way but it doesn't sound like that's the case for you.

We don’t have it all the time but we frequently share locations on days when it is important.

i don’t think it’s particularly weird, but it depends which generation you are I think.

also need to be careful to ensure no one feels controlled.

Westernesse

My point was he carried on with his meeting, not knowing his kids had been collected. No nursery I know keeps your kids indefinitely because you were stuck in a work meeting and can't contact them to let them know!

It is in no way dysfunctional. If it is practical and all parties are happy then by definition is functional.

A couple of people seem to use it to make sure DH has remembered things or is in the right place. For me, that's a reason not to have it all by itself. Not my job to monitor DHs doings - he can call me if there's a problem. I'm not his mother.

The normalising of this is what puts vulnerable women at risk. Because saying no to being tracked is soon going to be the weird thing. Which leaves them no protection from a coercive or abusive partner.

"But why won't you share location? Everyone else does"

It freaks me out that so many people on this thread think it's absolutely fine 'because we trust each other'.

Who mentioned indefinitely? Why did you add that little nugget in there?

sometimes you’ve got to make a judgement call. “Ok, I don’t want to walk out of this meeting right this second, worst case is I might be a few minutes late to the nursery. Maybe if the journey doesn’t go well wife and I can check in and she can also see my progress and we can make a judgement call.”

normal thought process. All normal life stuff.

I'd find it weirdly needy. I also think it sets an odd precedent for young people for them to be used to being tracked because someone cares about them- it will make it tricky to establish boundaries around this sort of thing when navigating new relationships etc.
If someone cba to send me a text then they can wait for a cup of tea or their dinner.

We have ours shared and my DB and I also share. Very rarely need to check but super helpful when you do.

We have this along with 2 young teens. No thought of control or abuse, it’s handy for dinner prep, walking home from places etc.

We all have it. I think it’s great. There is no reason why I would not want my dh to know where I am. And vice versa.
I enjoy watching him hike. I’m at home on the sofa. I watch his wee icon flying up the side of a mountain.

My whole family (me, my adult children and spouses, grandparents and teens) share location. Never thought it was weird or controlling (because it isn't 🤷‍♀️). I guess it's different for everyone. My family are not using this to check up on anyone...it's merely a practical thing for us.

Each to their own 👍

I don't think it's weird - we have the "find my iPhone" thing that works for either of us. I mainly use it to see how far out from home DH is after work so I know if I can start tea or to find DHs phone for him (at his request) as he's always dropping it down the back of the sofa or forgetting where he's put it down. I'm not bothered that he can find out where my phone is. It's not like we're sitting tracking each other all day.

@SunsetBlue Not at all. I gave one example last week that benefitted DH. It's usually me stuck at work and DH gets them.

Countless other little uses including DH detouring his way back from somewhere to pick me up as had seen where I was and it was raining (one car)

I can see why others would use it but it works for us and is never used for monitoring or reasons other than helping each other out

DH is a keen cyclist so I have his location on as a default (it’s also useful in terms of knowing if he’s delayed re:dinner etc). I share mine more sporadically (mostly because I use the battery saving mode on my phone a lot, and that sometimes turns it off). So I switch it on if I’m going out on my bike, going for an evening out, or travelling with work. I WFH and he doesn’t so I guess that’s part of it - I’m mostly around, he doesn’t always get home from work at the same time (and works at different sites).

We have this. I love it, tea ready when I get home.