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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have DH's location visible at all times?

582 replies

Algor1thm · 14/01/2023 07:44

This should really be AWBU because it's the same for both of us. We've had location sharing on between us 24/7 for a couple of years now. I can always see where DH is and vice versa. It's hugely helpful and we turned it on for very practical reasons. No more messaging each other where are you, having to explain that we're stuck in traffic, worrying about each other if we're running late etc. It's certainly not to 'check up on each other', there has never been a hint of suspicion of infidelity in the relationship and we both trust each other fully. Days go by without me checking his location, but it's very handy to have there when we need it.

We're both happy with the arrangement, but I said to a friend the other day that I'd just quickly check whether DH was home yet and looked at my phone, and she reacted like what I was doing was really awful. She was gobsmacked and sort of acted like it was a controlling/abusive thing (despite it being both ways). I've mentioned it to several friends since and I've had very mixed reactions. Some couples do the same, some thought it was very odd.

AWBU? Is this a weird invasion of each other's privacy?

OP posts:
WitchesCauldron · 17/01/2023 21:43

If it works for you then fine. We have friends who have it for their spouses and their grown up children-which is odd to my mind.

thecatsmum12346 · 20/01/2023 22:56

I get annoyed with dh when his icon doesn’t move quickly enough. Lazy bastard

fancydressjess · 24/01/2023 14:55

StalkedByASpider · 17/01/2023 07:59

That's definitely the case for us. I have ADHD (and autism) and I have a tendency to lose track of time when I'm out. If I've been a while, DP can have a look and see where I am - it's especially useful as I tend to pop to the supermarkets late at night when DC are in bed.

I've used it occasionally for DP too eg/when we were meeting him off the train and wanted to know when to leave so he wouldn't be hanging around in the cold.

In fairness we rarely check it, and DP keeps forgetting it's on there (it was his idea). But he's the least controlling man I've ever met and he's never once tried to tell me where I can and can't go so I feel very comfortable with him being able to see it all.

It actually gives me freedom because I don't have to try and remember to send him messages if I get a mad brainwave while I'm out. I know he can check to see where I am if he needs to and honestly that's just way easier for me. I do have a habit of getting caught up in what I'm doing and time slipping away.

Maybe if he was constantly checking my location and making snide comments, I'd feel differently. But I can't understand how in a balanced, loving relationship that being able to see where your partner is could possible be detrimental? If they're the kind of person to track your every move, then fair enough, that's invasive but a quick check if you're late home etc - surely that's just a) good for safety and b) just more convenient?

I really don't understand the issue - unless there are problems within the relationship.

I so agree with you... Neither my partner nor I have the drive or time to be obsessively checking up on each other, we're just struggling to manage ourselves, lol, and we're both completely trusting...
I'd be exhausted and appalled by a relationship with drama...
I have probable adhd and autistic traits too.

Twinsforthewin · 24/01/2023 15:43

Totally depends on the couple! I have a friend whose DH is a lorry driver and they both have it on, definitely a really useful tool. Other people, could be really grim/controlling/abusive 🤷🏻‍♀️

I wouldn't want to but if you're fine with it, brilliant, much better than worrying someone's fallen down a hole....

Saracen · 24/01/2023 16:14

I wouldn't want to do it myself, but the two of you seem happy with the arrangement and that's all that matters!

Luxembourgmama · 24/01/2023 16:16

We're the same it's convenient to know if he'll be home to say goodnight to the kids. But other people think its weird

SarahAshley2 · 24/01/2023 16:22

DH and I have it. I think it’s a great idea assuming you trust each other. There’s times when he hasn’t told me he’s left work and I’ve worried why I’ve not heard from him. Bad things happen all the time and whilst I don’t check it constantly, it’s nice and reassuring to have. I jog at night and feel comforted knowing my DH can see where I am and that I’m safe.
Each to their own but we both have it and see no issue.

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