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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be upset about this - DH and dentist?

222 replies

ToothHurtie · 11/01/2023 15:26

I had really bad HG during my pregnancy with DD. As a result of being sick so much, I got awful damage to my teeth and gums. I saw a dentist who tried to do a filling but I was bleeding too much (not sure if this was caused by the anaemia I had or the bad gums) and so he had to stop, temporarily patch it up and booked me an appointed for six months later (January, next week). He gave me some prescription toothpaste and I've had iron infusions since so I'm supposed to be getting the filling sorted next week and then hopefully my non-stop tooth pain will be over.

Since June (when I was last at the dentist) we've moved house and we're now two hours away from the dentist but no dentists anywhere near us are taking on NHS patients so we want to keep our membership at the old dentist until something opens up here. Because DH uses the car for work, this means I need to get public transport next week which means going via central London and it's a ball-ache but it is what it is. It'll take pretty much the whole day.

There's a job that needs doing on our house that's urgent. It's needed doing for about three months but the company that has to do it are very difficult and evasive. It was booked in for the end of November and I waited in all day but they didn't show up. We're renovating our house so we have a lot of tradespeople coming and going, I WFH. DH and I have had multiple discussions about him not booking people when I'm supposed to be working and just expecting me to stop work to deal with them. It's never a case of just opening the door - there's always long discussions about this-and-that and where things go or needing to move things or needing to make decisions that I don't know the answer to. DH and I literally had a row last weekend when I'd begged him to stop having people popping by during my work hours to discuss things, he promised to stop and then booked yet another person because it's was just one person.

Anyway, he's just messaged me now saying "[Company] just called. [The job] Jan 18th between 8am and 12". That's the whole message. This means I can't go to my dentist appointment and it'll take months to get another because they're so booked up! It also means I risk losing my NHS place because I know they remove people if they don't attend appointments or cancel with too little notice. I appreciate that this job needs doing urgently and that this company are arseholes so I know this job has to take precedence over my dentist appointment but AIBU to think DH could say "please" or ask me first or show any consideration or appreciation?

OP posts:
threatmatrix · 12/01/2023 20:44

Mackymacmacface · 12/01/2023 19:56

I've not Rtft sorry but does anyone need to be home for the tradie? Just leave a key/drop a key to them at some stage in the coming days, they can let themselves in, get the work done, get outta there, drop the keys through the letterbox. All done, no impact on your dentist appointment

And when you come home and they’ve done it all wrong?

Desertbarncat · 12/01/2023 21:09

You are letting him get away with not respecting you. Reschedule the workers to a different day.

Soosi · 12/01/2023 21:44

You said this company had not turned up once before, what if you cancel Dentist and they don’t turn up again ! You cancel and rebook the builder then tell your husband .

MMAS · 12/01/2023 21:54

Your DH sounds very controlling and not the least bit interested in your welfare. Can you ring the company yourself and ask to reschedule or have you left all these arrangements to your husband to do - if you have, take back control. If you haven't, then ask for the number and call them or, is there a neighbour that can be around to let them in? Failing that as am pretty sure you are going to miss your appointment, best advice ever given to me from a Dentist was to use mouthwash - Oraldene is particularly good but hard to get - Superdrug and Boots do it but sells out quickly. Can be also got via Amazon and I've found the original one is the better of them all. Hope that helps you - nothing worse than dentistry issues. Given your DH is a teacher - it smacks a bit that he needs some up-to-date training if he is treating you like this.

BaconChops · 12/01/2023 22:25

Are you mad?! He either takes the day off work to deal with it or he re-arranges the appointment. Unless you stand your ground and mean what you say you’re in for a life of misery with this guy who clearly thinks it’s acceptable. I’d be saying sorry hun, have to go to the dentist that day none negotiable, see what you can sort!

Sartre · 12/01/2023 22:29

I can’t stress enough how important your dental health is. No idea why people are worried about their organs, their weight or whatever else but totally neglect their mouths. You shouldn’t have to live in constant pain and the decay will just be getting worse. Please go to the dentist, he can stay off work to let the tradesmen in and you can subsequently take the car. Everyone wins.

samqueens · 12/01/2023 22:46

Rayna37 · 11/01/2023 15:33

You have a joint calendar, he should have been aware, so he needs to take the day off if he can't WFH. Added bonus, you can have the car for your appt.

^^ This - absolutely this!

Yourcatisnotsorry · 12/01/2023 23:47

Your reply: “Great, you’ll be taking the day off work then to deal with it and I can use the car for the dentist, thanks for remembering my important appointment and making it easier for me to get there :-)”

fatsocatso · 12/01/2023 23:57

Assume you don't have children yet? See you back here in a year or two. And that will make this pale in comparison.

KTMeetsTheRsUptown · 13/01/2023 00:07

I don't think you should cancel your dentist appt. You waited far too long for it and if the company doing the work have messed you around before sods law they won't come. I'd be so annoyed at DH.

KateKateLee · 13/01/2023 01:30

Health stuff comes above anything else. Remind DH you said not to book anything when you are working and say he’ll have to be there or rearrange.

My ‘D’H expects me to book any sort of tradesman and deal with them while working from home. I don’t always have the time. Recently there has been an issue with the dishwasher and I got someone to look at it. I relayed what they said and he got mad because he didn’t agree. When they came back to fit the part I said he didn’t agree and they suggested an alternative. He didn’t agree with that either so I told him well you will have to book them to come out and discuss with you. I’m not being the go between.

Autumn61 · 13/01/2023 03:51

You have suffered toothache for 6 months !! Fuck that, end of .

PonyPals · 13/01/2023 04:06

Cancel the cheque

DappledThings · 13/01/2023 07:13

fatsocatso · 12/01/2023 23:57

Assume you don't have children yet? See you back here in a year or two. And that will make this pale in comparison.

Sure, I don't think she has children. I mean it's not like "I had really bad HG during my pregnancy with DD" is the very first line of the OP or anything.

RunnerBum · 13/01/2023 13:04

DappledThings · 13/01/2023 07:13

Sure, I don't think she has children. I mean it's not like "I had really bad HG during my pregnancy with DD" is the very first line of the OP or anything.

😂😂😂

fatsocatso · 13/01/2023 16:43

@DappledThings omg! Yep, hands up to being an idiot there 😂

HowzAboutIt · 14/01/2023 10:26

fatsocatso · 13/01/2023 16:43

@DappledThings omg! Yep, hands up to being an idiot there 😂

Don't worry - you and everyone else who CBA to read the OP's updates and realise THIS WAS SORTED OUT DAYS AGO!!

But carry on everyone with your oh so helpful advice that the OP has been waiting for 2 days with bated breath for 🙄

Regularsizedrudy · 14/01/2023 14:45

HowzAboutIt · 14/01/2023 10:26

Don't worry - you and everyone else who CBA to read the OP's updates and realise THIS WAS SORTED OUT DAYS AGO!!

But carry on everyone with your oh so helpful advice that the OP has been waiting for 2 days with bated breath for 🙄

To be fair she did sneak the update that she’s moved the appointment in a load of other waffle about how impossible it all was. And it isn’t really resolved because she’s just pandered to her arse of a husband.

HangerLaneGyratorySystem · 14/01/2023 17:22

Has anybody cancelled the cheque yet? I mean not OP's DH obviously (don't be silly FFS he's important menz) - but yeah, needs doing ... Hmm

fatsocatso · 14/01/2023 23:09

@HowzAboutIt I may have forgotten/not read properly the info in the first line but I think you'll find I wasn't actually offering advice. Just commenting on what a twat her husband is.

RachaelN · 16/01/2023 11:46

Husband will have to stay home while you go to the dentist. Because your health is the priority here. Period.

lieselotte · 16/01/2023 15:26

RachaelN · 16/01/2023 11:46

Husband will have to stay home while you go to the dentist. Because your health is the priority here. Period.

He won't because the OP capitulated like the well behaved little wifey she is.

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