AIBU to be upset about this - DH and dentist?

[ToothHurtie]

I had really bad HG during my pregnancy with DD. As a result of being sick so much, I got awful damage to my teeth and gums. I saw a dentist who tried to do a filling but I was bleeding too much (not sure if this was caused by the anaemia I had or the bad gums) and so he had to stop, temporarily patch it up and booked me an appointed for six months later (January, next week). He gave me some prescription toothpaste and I've had iron infusions since so I'm supposed to be getting the filling sorted next week and then hopefully my non-stop tooth pain will be over.

Since June (when I was last at the dentist) we've moved house and we're now two hours away from the dentist but no dentists anywhere near us are taking on NHS patients so we want to keep our membership at the old dentist until something opens up here. Because DH uses the car for work, this means I need to get public transport next week which means going via central London and it's a ball-ache but it is what it is. It'll take pretty much the whole day.

There's a job that needs doing on our house that's urgent. It's needed doing for about three months but the company that has to do it are very difficult and evasive. It was booked in for the end of November and I waited in all day but they didn't show up. We're renovating our house so we have a lot of tradespeople coming and going, I WFH. DH and I have had multiple discussions about him not booking people when I'm supposed to be working and just expecting me to stop work to deal with them. It's never a case of just opening the door - there's always long discussions about this-and-that and where things go or needing to move things or needing to make decisions that I don't know the answer to. DH and I literally had a row last weekend when I'd begged him to stop having people popping by during my work hours to discuss things, he promised to stop and then booked yet another person because it's was just one person.

Anyway, he's just messaged me now saying "[Company] just called. [The job] Jan 18th between 8am and 12". That's the whole message. This means I can't go to my dentist appointment and it'll take months to get another because they're so booked up! It also means I risk losing my NHS place because I know they remove people if they don't attend appointments or cancel with too little notice. I appreciate that this job needs doing urgently and that this company are arseholes so I know this job has to take precedence over my dentist appointment but AIBU to think DH could say "please" or ask me first or show any consideration or appreciation?

To avoid a "cancel the cheque" I'll be clear that you shouldn't have cancelled the dentist given you've done it. At the very least I would pretent to dh you hadn't for a while so he can panic about trying to sort something.

There are always other alternatives - him calling in sick (i.e. pretending hes the one with a dental emergency or need to get antibiotics so doesn't have to take the full day), getting a friend or family member to be in the house for the tradespeople (I doubt they'll care about if they are the account holder - I always used to be the one to stay in for trades when I was a student and parents were working, and even if they do they aren't going to ask for ID!). If schools are desperate for teachers in his subject (and just generally!) they won't cancel his contract for one half day missed!

As others said why will he change if there are never any consequences?

You've explained that on this particular occasion the work was very necessary, fine but every time after this MAKE SURE YOU ARE UNAVAILABLE every single time when he books things in without consulting you. even for things like him ordering parcels, don't answer the door and say "you know I am wfh I can't leave if I'm in a meeting."

From my experience lots of people who don't wfh really really don't get that sometimes you are still unavailable! Although presumably if your husband is a teacher he did some teaching over lockdown so surely he should understand that when he was doing that at home he couldn't just stop his class half way through to chat to the plumber??

Surely if you both work and can afford renovations on a new house you can afford to pay for a private dentist? Why have all the arsehole if schlepping across London on a two hour journey just to save a few quid?

OP, locate your spine and make it start working for you!

Remind DH that you have dental appointment then, so you won't be at home and he'll need to make other arrangements - either change the date and time or he'll need to take a day of work himself. I presume he gets annual leave, as it's a statutory requirement?

It was sorted 24 hours ago

Can’t he be there - you can have the car then!
if it was his tooth….

He stays home to deal with them, you get the car to go to the dentist. Win win!

tell him you are going to the dentist. End of. Either he stays at home for tradesperson or makes alternative arrangements

Your health takes precedence, DH takes a day/morning off... not sure what the problem is here.

Omg find your bloody back bone. TELL him you ARE going to the dentist that day and HE will have to deal with the fall out. Stop being such an absolute mug

He needs to take the day off work then. And you should have the car as he won't need it that day, what with him staying at home.

You don’t have a relative/friend to come and stay at yours for the company to do the work?

You go to the dentist, DH stays at h e

its already in the diary and he chose to ignore, he sorts

I'd be going to the dentist, no question

Tell DH you have your dentist appointment and will still be going, so he will have to take the day off work to deal with it. If he does that, then you can have the can as well.

You need to go to the dentist! He should not have booked it that day - he either reschedules or takes the day off - those are the only options - don’t cancel your appointment you have already waited 6 months and your teeth are a priority!

Do not be a doormat. Your husband is responsible so he should fix it. Is he normally this selfish?

Have you tried tooth mousse. It is excellent at strengthening enamel. You put a pea shaped blob smeared round your teeth. I am not sure what might fix your husband though.

Go to the dentist. Tell OH he must take some time off work.

Sorry OP, I don't understand what you're hoping to achieve with this thread?

Do you want us to tell you whether to prioritise your filling or the work at home?

Could you have a deeper think about why you're unable to make basic decisions?

Actually he can. Most schools offer two ‘moving days’ per year for absolute emergencies which don’t fall in school holidays. It’s not advertised as such but he should speak to his head.
Or change the appointment.
Get your tooth sorted.

I've not Rtft sorry but does anyone need to be home for the tradie? Just leave a key/drop a key to them at some stage in the coming days, they can let themselves in, get the work done, get outta there, drop the keys through the letterbox. All done, no impact on your dentist appointment

"Ok, no problem. Who are you going to ask to be here or have work said you can have the morning off?" Play him at his own game and 'assume' he's going to resolve the situation.

Yes DH stays at home that day. You take the car to drive to your dentist appointment. Good luck with your filling.

Then you just reply 'I can't be at home, I have the dentist. You will have to reorganise the tradesperson.'

I would tell him that it’s fine but he had better be at home as you are attending your long awaited dental appointment. But if he wants you to be there then I’m sure he won’t mind paying for you to go private. And that would be that. What a selfish prick.