PIL treats SILs dog as a Grandchild.

[SnickersTwix]

Will say at the outset I am not a person who has ever owned a dog. Nothing against them but would not be classed as a “dog” person.
I have young DCs. SIL does not have children but has a dog- let’s call him Fred. Would like children in the future and still has time.

My AIBU is the PIL treat Fred as a grandchild and refer to their GCs as my DCs and Fred. Fred is part of the family and has birthdays, cards and presents and is generally celebrated in the same way as GC. If we go for a celebration meal the restaurant needs to be dog friendly so “Fred feels included”. SIL appears to like and go along with this. SIL says Fred is her child and her relationship with Fred is the same as mine with DC.

Am I wrong to find this all OTT? Borderline creepy? Disrespectful to my DC? I know dogs are part of the family and are deeply loved family pets to many. But surely there is a distinction to be drawn between GC and Fred? Won’t it be odd if SIL has a child in the future and that child is seen as “level” with Fred. Or am I missing the point as I don’t have and have never had a dog?

I sometimes wish I'd never had kids and got a dog instead so I can see where they're coming from

Meh, up to them.

If they see Fred as a grandchild then it’s up to them.

I’d draw the line at a dog in a restaurant, though…

Tbf dogs are cute I'd love a grandog 😃 they just enjoy the dog as well as their grandchildren it's not a big deal really .

It's up to them what they do really. It's okay to not want to go to a dog birthday party though

It definitely ott to say its disrespectful of your children

I have a dog and no DCs. I prefer dogs so am biased and on the side of the IL's.

Why would you think it's disrespectful to your DCs. Would you prefer that they treated an animal that they took in to care for worse than they would treat a human?

I'd find it weird, but I find any adult calling their pet a furbaby weird so I'm no judge. It's not harming you so you can think what you like about it, but it's not really any of your business. And it's definitely not disadvantageous to your children.

YABU does it matter if they’re happy? As long as they’re happy to take on the responsibility of finding dog friendly restaurants let them. You don’t need to buy him a stack of presents for his birthday but you can let dcs pick a cheap toy or bag of treats to wrap up and let them enjoy his parties.
YANBU to not get it but YABU to sneer at them or expect them to stop just because you’re not a dog person

I've got a dog and this is weird.

I buy my dog birthday / Christmas presents, like a new bone, or a toy, but I don't compare him to my children.

It's completely different.

I couldn't get worked up about this. You have children and they're celebrated and loved. Your SIL has a dog, and it's celebrated and loved. Everyone is winning in this situation, I don't see why your nose is out of joint.

I wish my family had treated my ddog like this. He was never allowed in their houses. He was a beautiful well behaved boy but I was allowed to take him round for one Christmas out of 13 years and they made him stay in the garden. I stopped going altogether in the end at Christmas as I'd rather spend it with my boy. Now I've recently lost him all they do is ask when I'm getting another, as if he could be so easily replaced.

It’s weird frankly - but hey it’s harmless!

if you are not a dog person you will never get it.

I think this put it better that I did.

You're jealous of Dogs?!

How is it any problem of yours how much your relatives love Fred?

"Disrespectful" to your DC? 😂😂😂

Are you not aware that it's possible to love more than one being simultaneously? Or that love is exponential - the more you give, the more it grows? Asking about what level Fred is perceived on compared with GC makes it seem like you are obsessing about status, & worried that there is only a specific amount of love to go round.

Chill your boots.
It's nothing to do with you how much a family dog is loved, it bears no reflection on you or your DC, & the only creepy I can see here is somebody measuring how much love ought to be doled out, & imagining it is detracting from the love her DC receive.

Our youngest child is a beagle

I think personally that's crazy. They can love the dog, but centering family events around it so its feelings aren't hurt is a bit crazy.

I think having the same feelings for an animal as a person is fine. Treating an animal the same as a person is a bit ott. For example a child would be gutted not to have a birthday acknowledged and a dog has absolutely no understanding of the concept of a birthday

Would you prefer that they treated an animal that they took in to care for worse than they would treat a human?

This is where the dog lovers get my goat.

She's saying that dogs should be treated differently to humans. Dogs shouldn't be allowed on soft furniture, in beds, shouldn't be included in any and all celebrations. Sure a baby won't know what's going on - but a baby will grow up and enjoy looking back. A dog is never going to know what the hell it's looking at (other than 'that's my owner').

Differently does not mean worse. Would you extend the same courtesy to a beloved pet snake or tarantula? Or even a cat?! Madness.

I don't think anybody in OP's family is comparing Fred to the children.
Except OP herself.

My mum thinks of my dog as her grand-dog and I think of him as DS’s furry brother and my second child. He’s a massive part of my family and gets treated as such.

If they're treating the dog exactly the same - yes I'd find it disrespectful if for example my parents decided to give my children a generous sum of money....and then the same to the dog!

Might be a ridiculous idea but it's a ridiculous concept. Dogs are not humans.

Maybe SIL is infertile so they all see this as a way of celebrating her having a 'child' because she may never have a human one so they're treating it fairly to be extra kind. You never know peoples struggles and should therefore yourself -be kind.

My AIBU is the PIL treat Fred as a grandchild and refer to their GCs as my DCs and Fred. Fred is part of the family and has birthdays, cards and presents and is generally celebrated in the same way as GC.

Cute.

If we go for a celebration meal the restaurant needs to be dog friendly so “Fred feels included”. SIL appears to like and go along with this. SIL says Fred is her child and her relationship with Fred is the same as mine with DC.

Weird.

Glad it’s not just me 🤣

She's saying that dogs should be treated differently to humans.

But OP can treat a dog differently but doesn't get to say how other people should treat them. If OP wants to treat them differently that's fine but they don't want to.