Page 7 | PIL treats SILs dog as a Grandchild.

SnickersTwix · 2023-01-11T14:36:08+00:00

Will say at the outset I am not a person who has ever owned a dog. Nothing against them but would not be classed as a “dog” person. I have young DCs. SIL does not have children but has a dog- let’s call him Fred. Would like children in the future and still has time. My AIBU is the PIL treat Fred as a grandchild and refer to their GCs as my DCs and Fred. Fred is part of the family and has birthdays, cards and presents and is generally celebrated in the same way as GC. If we go for a celebration meal the restaurant needs to be dog friendly so “Fred feels included”. SIL appears to like and go along with this. SIL says Fred is her child and her relationship with Fred is the same as mine with DC. Am I wrong to find this all OTT? Borderline creepy? Disrespectful to my DC? I know dogs are part of the family and are deeply loved family pets to many. But surely there is a distinction to be drawn between GC and Fred? Won’t it be odd if SIL has a child in the future and that child is seen as “level” with Fred. Or am I missing the point as I don’t have and have never had a dog?

Bagsundermyeyestoday · 12/01/2023 01:27

Justcallmebebes · 11/01/2023 14:37

I sometimes wish I'd never had kids and got a dog instead so I can see where they're coming from

🤣🤣🤣

StrandedStarfish · 12/01/2023 02:04

I prefer the company of our daughter’s dog to that of our now adult children. He knows us as Granny and Granddad. He is an utter delight (the dog, not the husband)

MotherofDogs3 · 12/01/2023 02:33

Yes, you sound like am idiot 🙄

If people in my life had an issue with how me or any my family members treat our dogs/animals I'd simply tell them to fuck off 🤣

This is another reason why I would pick dogs over humans anyday.

Womencanlift · 12/01/2023 05:01

There are dogs and cats in my wider family but the humans will always come first. The animals fit amongst us, definitely not the other way round

If I am going out for a meal then I would never book a dog friendly place and luckily my dog owning friends and family never decline the invite or comment that the wish their DDog could have been here too. To me that is just batshit

garlictwist · 12/01/2023 05:50

I agree. I think the way people venerate their dogs is really weird.

siucra · 12/01/2023 06:11

They all sound like nice people, enjoying life. Why don't you appreciate you have a lovely family who bring fun and celebration into life? Dogs are amazing.

Tearsndears · 12/01/2023 06:14

Wind up

WandaWonder · 12/01/2023 06:30

I am really not a dog person but I don't see the issue, it doesn't have to be about you or your children

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 12/01/2023 07:45

Dogs shouldn't be allowed on soft furniture, in beds, shouldn't be included in any and all celebrations.

What has it got to do with you if people let their dogs get on the sofa or sleep on the bed? I have a cat rather than a dog but he goes where he wants and sleeps where he wants. It would be the same with a dog. I'm sure a dog on the sofa couldn't be any worse than a friends kid climbing on it in their shoes with buckles!

Butchyrestingface · 12/01/2023 07:49

God bless Fred. May he live long and prosper. 😀

pawprintseverywhere · 12/01/2023 07:57

We have dogs and a DS. DS is now 12 but when he was a baby/toddler upto about 7 Yr old or something whatever, didn't keep track. My PILs whenever they would visit would greet the dogs before their GC , like litrally go up, pet them, say "Hello x, hello y, hello z" ect then turn to DS and say "hello sons name" .... baffled me until DS reached the age of 9 or so when they came round one day and he buggered off upstairs, when FIL shouted him down for a hug and hello ect him and his mommas attitude let rip with "Oh are you sure you can see me? Do you have time? Have you done with the dogs now then?" I didn't correct him, tbh PILs are epic epic GPs and it was just this one thing that used to get my back up, thankfully the reactionship between the dogs and DS never suffered he is ultra close to them and I dread to image the day when we loose one, he has known them since he opened he was born. Love dogs but no they ain't kids.

whataboutsecondbreakfast · 12/01/2023 07:58

My in-laws look after our dog while we work - we don't have children but they do have DC and GDC.

FIL has bought the dog a bed and blankets. He has a whole cupboard filled with treats, spare food, leads and bowls etc. even though we happily supply those things.

They adore him and I think it's really sweet. They're too old to have a dog of their own but they love dog-sitting ours and will even ask to have him if we've not needed him to go in a while

I'm glad my in-laws aren't like you.

ChubbyMorticia · 12/01/2023 08:06

I think it depends on how much participation they expect of you.

Your SIL wanting validation that her experience of finding a dog is equal to your pregnancies, labour, C-section, postpartum? No.

Expecting you to plan events around the dog? No.

But for them to do it for events/gatherings they host is their choice.

What would happen if you refused to have the dog in your home or on your furniture? Or opted not to attend the dog’s birthday party? That’s where I get stuck. People can choose to do as they please for their pets, but when they try and dictate that others must do the same, it crosses a line, imo

Original poster

SnickersTwix · 12/01/2023 08:27

Yikes. Getting flamed abit now. I think there is clear divide between dog and non-dog people and never the twain shall meet!

When Fred comes to our house there are boundaries- he sheds hair and I don’t like that on our sofa so he sits in a dog bed on the floor. But obviously I do not have any issue with PILs letting him do that at their house.

With regard to the way Fred is treated as having a full range of emotions and experiences, in my view it goes too far but I get that for others it doesn’t. Just to be clear I do not dictate or pass comment or give indication of my views of PILs and SILs behaviour to them.

In terms of it going too far- at PILs House family meal of sticky ribs etc. Fred present on floor with his own bowl of (dog) food. Fine. However SIL would then allow Fred to lick her fingers whilst at the table and then go on to pick food from communal plates. For me that is too far. I wouldn’t let my DC lick my fingers let alone a dog.

OP posts:

ReneBumsWombats · 12/01/2023 08:30

SnickersTwix · 12/01/2023 08:27

Yikes. Getting flamed abit now. I think there is clear divide between dog and non-dog people and never the twain shall meet!

When Fred comes to our house there are boundaries- he sheds hair and I don’t like that on our sofa so he sits in a dog bed on the floor. But obviously I do not have any issue with PILs letting him do that at their house.

With regard to the way Fred is treated as having a full range of emotions and experiences, in my view it goes too far but I get that for others it doesn’t. Just to be clear I do not dictate or pass comment or give indication of my views of PILs and SILs behaviour to them.

In terms of it going too far- at PILs House family meal of sticky ribs etc. Fred present on floor with his own bowl of (dog) food. Fine. However SIL would then allow Fred to lick her fingers whilst at the table and then go on to pick food from communal plates. For me that is too far. I wouldn’t let my DC lick my fingers let alone a dog.

Well that's a hygiene issue...it would be disgusting whatever their thoughts on the dog. Most people wouldn't find it acceptable if she did it with kids either, so I think it's fair to pull them up on that one.

LuckySantangelo35 · 12/01/2023 09:36

It would annoy me

only being able to go to dog friendly restaurants - nah!

and dogs on sofas or even worse on beds! Nope. Not in my house

LuckySantangelo35 · 12/01/2023 09:38

SnickersTwix · 12/01/2023 08:27

Yikes. Getting flamed abit now. I think there is clear divide between dog and non-dog people and never the twain shall meet!

When Fred comes to our house there are boundaries- he sheds hair and I don’t like that on our sofa so he sits in a dog bed on the floor. But obviously I do not have any issue with PILs letting him do that at their house.

With regard to the way Fred is treated as having a full range of emotions and experiences, in my view it goes too far but I get that for others it doesn’t. Just to be clear I do not dictate or pass comment or give indication of my views of PILs and SILs behaviour to them.

In terms of it going too far- at PILs House family meal of sticky ribs etc. Fred present on floor with his own bowl of (dog) food. Fine. However SIL would then allow Fred to lick her fingers whilst at the table and then go on to pick food from communal plates. For me that is too far. I wouldn’t let my DC lick my fingers let alone a dog.

urrrrrgh

so gross!! 🤮

LuckySantangelo35 · 12/01/2023 09:39

SnickersTwix · 11/01/2023 21:24

I think it’s the anthropomorphic nature of it that I find odd. According to PIL and SIL Fred has the full range of emotions and understanding of English that humans have.

Thank you for all the comments including the YABU. I think PIL don’t want SIL to feel left out. SIL wants kids but hasn’t met the right partner. I think I hadn’t fully reflected on this and I need to be kinder in my thoughts.

I think reflecting on my reaction to this a lot of it comes from a real frustration that SIL equates her experiences as a dog mum with my experiences with DC. She thinks my pregnancy, difficult labour, C-Section, breastfeeding issues, baby newborn stuff is analogous with her selecting, buying and then bringing home a puppy. I think when I analyse it I find that really insulting and it gets my heckles up. I appreciate she has not had my experiences but I would have thought even to someone who hasn’t got first hand experience of new motherhood it would be clear that they are not the same thing.

Show quote history

Hahahahha
she‘ll realise very quickly that the experience is in no way comparable if she does have a child

Needsomeadvice33 · 12/01/2023 09:42

Disrespectful to your kids haha
Dogs are cute than children so I can see why you are jealous

Katherine1985 · 12/01/2023 10:01

Eww. I think it’s creepy. And something feels off about the dynamic.

Just seems too much like compensating SIL for not having kids yet. That PIL feel they have to do this, for an adult, to justify giving any attention to your kids and your motherhood.

Disrespectful and very minimising of your experience.

What’s the sibling dynamic like? Would PIL do this whole charade if SIL had dc before you and DH 🤔

Bestcatmum · 12/01/2023 12:27

Olive19741205 · 11/01/2023 19:53

What's wrong with calling them cats?

Show quote history

We have lots of names for them 😁

thing47 · 12/01/2023 12:46

Bestcatmum · 12/01/2023 12:27

We have lots of names for them 😁

Show quote history

😀Absolutely, the one that is currently curled up on my lap purring contentedly was being called something else entirely last night when she brought a (live) mouse in to play with…

Peoniesandcream · 12/01/2023 12:51

I find anyone that treats dogs as people very odd, especially walking them around in those prams 🤣. Also dogs don't need to go to restaurants.

whataboutsecondbreakfast · 12/01/2023 12:54

In terms of it going too far- at PILs House family meal of sticky ribs etc. Fred present on floor with his own bowl of (dog) food. Fine. However SIL would then allow Fred to lick her fingers whilst at the table and then go on to pick food from communal plates. For me that is too far. I wouldn’t let my DC lick my fingers let alone a dog.

But that's a hygiene issue and totally separate to how the dog is treated in general.

You honestly sound jealous of the dog

Calphurnia88 · 12/01/2023 13:01

whataboutsecondbreakfast · 12/01/2023 12:54

In terms of it going too far- at PILs House family meal of sticky ribs etc. Fred present on floor with his own bowl of (dog) food. Fine. However SIL would then allow Fred to lick her fingers whilst at the table and then go on to pick food from communal plates. For me that is too far. I wouldn’t let my DC lick my fingers let alone a dog.

But that's a hygiene issue and totally separate to how the dog is treated in general.

You honestly sound jealous of the dog

I don't know, I think it's part and parcel of Fred being treated more like a human than a dog.

But I wouldn't be bothered by it, provided its happening in someone else's home and doesn't harm me (I'm assuming that the plates are picked at after the people have eaten - if not, ignore everything I've just said 🤣)