PIL treats SILs dog as a Grandchild.

[SnickersTwix]

Will say at the outset I am not a person who has ever owned a dog. Nothing against them but would not be classed as a “dog” person.
I have young DCs. SIL does not have children but has a dog- let’s call him Fred. Would like children in the future and still has time.

My AIBU is the PIL treat Fred as a grandchild and refer to their GCs as my DCs and Fred. Fred is part of the family and has birthdays, cards and presents and is generally celebrated in the same way as GC. If we go for a celebration meal the restaurant needs to be dog friendly so “Fred feels included”. SIL appears to like and go along with this. SIL says Fred is her child and her relationship with Fred is the same as mine with DC.

Am I wrong to find this all OTT? Borderline creepy? Disrespectful to my DC? I know dogs are part of the family and are deeply loved family pets to many. But surely there is a distinction to be drawn between GC and Fred? Won’t it be odd if SIL has a child in the future and that child is seen as “level” with Fred. Or am I missing the point as I don’t have and have never had a dog?

I don't know, I think it's part and parcel of Fred being treated more like a human than a dog.

But it's not upto OP how her parents choose to treat the dog - that's upto them.

Her posts read a bit like she'll never be happy unless they start treating the dog the way she does.

YANBU I find people who are this mad about dogs bloody odd and possibly lacking in human social skills

I can't have children. My dogs have been the outlet for my maternal-type affections. I wouldn't ever refer to one of them as my 'furbaby', but they are a valued part of the household.

Maybe PIL know of some private heartache where SIL's child-free situation is concerned and they are keen to make her feel included and valued.

I appreciate that it comes across as a bit odd, but it's not as if Fred is being dressed in human clothing and sat up in a high-chair at restaurants... that WOULD be nuts (and highly unfair on Fred).

I wouldn't see what you have described as disrespectful or OTT though.

Am I wrong to find this all OTT?
No - but people have different approaches, so it's not really relevant what you think as it's their approach.

Borderline creepy?
...why?

Disrespectful to my DC?
Yes, get a grip 😅

I'm not a dog person and completely understand why this is annoying. I wouldn't say anything to rock the boat though, probably just roll my eyes every now and then.

This! I would much rather put my time and love into the people in my family rather than their pets

I also cannot have children but I wouldn’t consider for a second to get a dog to make up for that. It’s not comparable in any way.

You might want to consider your PILs are probably actually just trying to be inclusive of your SIL so that she doesn't feel left out for not having any children. In most families, the adult siblings who have kids get a lot more time and attention and fuss lavished upon their part of the family by the proud grandparents - that's understandable, of course, because grandkids are obviously a joy for most people. But it can mean the childless siblings get sidelined in a lot of ways, and I'm sure that can be hurtful for some (especially if they would like to have kids of their own but can't/haven't for whatever reason). I think it's really sweet that your PILs are being like this with your SIL and her dog, personally - it's thoughtful.

Obviously you don't feel the same way about dogs as they do in general. That's fine, but it doesn't mean you're normal and they're weird, or vice versa. They just have a different way of doing things to you, that's all. Ultimately, it's not that big a deal, is it? Your kids aren't somehow missing out on anything because of your SIL's dog.

Let's face it, in families where everyone has kids, there are often very different expectations over how kids are included/treated/parented etc (you only have to look at the 'my in-laws are kicking off about a child-free wedding' or 'why didn't DH's sister invite the whole family to her child's third birthday party' type of threads to see how different expectations can be!) so the fact that this is about a dog is neither here nor there really - it's just about different families having different expectations.

You sound a bit prissy now.

I love dogs, but they're dogs. Not children. Sorry. I wouldn't be able to engage in your in-laws nonsense with a straight face. You're a stronger person than me, OP!

YANBU I find people who are this mad about dogs bloody odd and possibly lacking in human social skills
Haha, excellent! Beats people who don't like dogs can't be trusted'!

Won’t it be odd if SIL has a child in the future and that child is seen as “level” with Fred.

Her child won't be on the same level as her dog. The dog is a stop-gap. Maybe you and DH expect a lot of attention and this is PIL's way of making sure SIL has some too?

OK, so when you're arranging things, just book a non-dog friendly restaurant and then ignore any silly comments – the dog doesn't know he's missing out so you don't need to engage with that line of conversation.

Cards and presents are harmless enough, and it sounds like the boundaries you have put in place in your own home with regards to Fred are respected, so that's a reasonable compromise I think. You can't really enforce your opinions in other people's homes.

The hygiene issue is disgusting though, you can definitely challenge your SIL on that. You don't have to make it about the dog, just say: 'I think perhaps you should go and wash your hands before you help yourself any more communal food'.

Dogs shouldn't be allowed on soft furniture, in beds, shouldn't be included in any and all celebrations

Eh? Why shouldn’t MY dog be allowed on MY sofa? What’s YOUR problem with where MY, or anyone else’s dog is allowed?

Why are you being mean about this? It takes nothing away for your or your children for people to care for your SIL’s dog. You aren’t any better than anyone else just cos you reproduced yourself and you don’t require any special treatment to reflect a superior status

Couldn't take anybody seriously who treated a dog as the same as a child.

Think it's actually unfair for children to be treated as if they were loved equivalent to a dog. Most people would probably feel upset if as children, their grandparents felt they were as important as a dog. I think it is very strange to say my grandkids and Fred... The dog won't be aware but the children will. I doubt grandparents feel this way. They are just being nice to their daughter but may be being unfair to the grandchildren as a result (hopefully op's children will not realise). And yes of course it's not too much to ask for grandparents to love and show their affection to their grandchildren more than their daughter's dog! It's not even their dog. Find a lot of the responses to this thread bizarre. Absolutely no one I know loves their children the same as their dog! And no grandparents I know love their grandchildren the same as their daughter's or son's dog! It's frankly bizarre. OF course dogs are part of the family though and it's fun to celebrate their birthday and give little treats. But that's not done for the dog's sake. Dogs don't recognise it's their birthday. It's done because owners find it fun. Completely different with children.

I'd prefer to celebrate a dog than one or two of my particularly awful DN. One of whom actually bit my DS recently (she's 8 [angry) ]
I think it's cute.

Dog or no dog she shouldn't be picking food from communal plates

Honestly 🙄🙄🤣

Goodness me! You’re jealous of the relationship your PIL have with a dog v your children. I absolutely adore my son’s dog and am referred to as her nanny but she doesn’t mean the same to me as my grandchildren. It’s a different relationship. Why is this such a stress to you?