PIL treats SILs dog as a Grandchild.

[SnickersTwix]

Will say at the outset I am not a person who has ever owned a dog. Nothing against them but would not be classed as a “dog” person.
I have young DCs. SIL does not have children but has a dog- let’s call him Fred. Would like children in the future and still has time.

My AIBU is the PIL treat Fred as a grandchild and refer to their GCs as my DCs and Fred. Fred is part of the family and has birthdays, cards and presents and is generally celebrated in the same way as GC. If we go for a celebration meal the restaurant needs to be dog friendly so “Fred feels included”. SIL appears to like and go along with this. SIL says Fred is her child and her relationship with Fred is the same as mine with DC.

Am I wrong to find this all OTT? Borderline creepy? Disrespectful to my DC? I know dogs are part of the family and are deeply loved family pets to many. But surely there is a distinction to be drawn between GC and Fred? Won’t it be odd if SIL has a child in the future and that child is seen as “level” with Fred. Or am I missing the point as I don’t have and have never had a dog?

If SIL has children, the dog will be just a dog.
For now, not much you can do about it even if you think it's weird.

There’s lots you can do about it. You don’t need to entertain it.

I also prefer my own cats to my nieces. I think it's different with your own children though, it would be bit weird to prefer dog over your own child 😅

@SnickersTwix what would happen if you booked a non-dog-friendly restaurant for yours, DH's or DCs' birthday/other celebration? And then just said, well it's my birthday and this is where I want to go, sorry Fred can't come on this occasion? How would SIL or PIL react?

Ex mil and fil kept a tub of dog treats and toys in her house her grandchildren had nothing the lady next door thought this was disgusting and forced some toys onto her after ds2 was born four years after ds1

I treat my cat like my third child. It's just how some people love their pets.

I think its a little extreme, and I am a dog person. But I don't see how its disrespectful of you or your children.

Not weird at al. Most dogs are way lovlier than most kids. I like both varieties, and have both, but I don't find it disrespectful to compare dogs and children in terms of family members. If it makes everyone happy and SIL isn't demanding PILs to do something they are uncomfortable with I see no issue with it.

My dd refers to our cat as her daughter 😆

I can't see it's disrespectful. My mother calls my two her granddogs!

I have a grandpuppy.

In a fire I'd save my DGC first, but he is adorable and I love him.

Dogs are nicer than most people and threads like this prove that

They are being ridiculous. I'd be offended that a dog was treated as well as human children.

I'm willing to bet there's a whole other layer that you don't necessarily know about with your SIL and her family plans, and this is a slightly clumsy attempt by your PIL to stop her feeling less important to them because she doesn't have children to plan stuff around. I wanted - but didn't have - children in my 30s while my DB had three, but I did have a couple of dogs. My DM, bless her well-intentioned heart, always made a point of asking about the dogs, including them in cards, inviting me to bring them over to stay, even though I'm definitely not in the fur-baby camp.

Maybe stop thinking about this being 'disrespectful to your DC' and more about your PIL being gentle towards your SIL.

My cats are my children . I do have kids but they're grown up and flown the nest.
I don't take my cats to restaurants though, I doubt they are allowed.YABVU.The do g is obviously loved and its not for you to judge

Well...😂

@AaandAway this is a similar dynamic in my family. DS is childless and DM makes a big attempt to show that her life choices are just as valid and expresses this my ensuring she offers to dog sit for my sister and buys and dog a Christmas presents etc (only a bone or something).
I don’t mind. I think it’s considerate. I like dogs anyway and we have one. (It never gets a present from mum though 😆)

Do you perhaps have teenagers at home? 😂Then yes, I agree, cats and dogs are much nicer at this stage 😂

Sooo weird! Dog people are so weird

No, it proves that pet owners are crazy.

Let them be happy. They love your kid and the dog. Win all round.

I think my DDs dog is her fourth child, abd I look upon him as my grand dog.

DEAR MN, MY GM BUYS MY COUSIN MAX A BONE FOR CHRISTMAS BUT NOT ME I GET NOTHING NOT EVEN A RUBBISH HAT FROM PETS AT HOME SHOULD I BE UPSET AND HOW DO I GO NC WITH MY GPS THANK YOU LOVE FROM BELLA XXXX

It’s fucking mental.

I don’t understand the need to to place children and pets in a hierarchy of love. Comparing is not equating.