PIL treats SILs dog as a Grandchild.

[SnickersTwix]

Will say at the outset I am not a person who has ever owned a dog. Nothing against them but would not be classed as a “dog” person.
I have young DCs. SIL does not have children but has a dog- let’s call him Fred. Would like children in the future and still has time.

My AIBU is the PIL treat Fred as a grandchild and refer to their GCs as my DCs and Fred. Fred is part of the family and has birthdays, cards and presents and is generally celebrated in the same way as GC. If we go for a celebration meal the restaurant needs to be dog friendly so “Fred feels included”. SIL appears to like and go along with this. SIL says Fred is her child and her relationship with Fred is the same as mine with DC.

Am I wrong to find this all OTT? Borderline creepy? Disrespectful to my DC? I know dogs are part of the family and are deeply loved family pets to many. But surely there is a distinction to be drawn between GC and Fred? Won’t it be odd if SIL has a child in the future and that child is seen as “level” with Fred. Or am I missing the point as I don’t have and have never had a dog?

😂😂😂😂

I don't have children so my Mum doesn't have any grandkids. She's got the grand-dogs and that's all she getting.

She gets them presents etc, but they don't come out for meals with us 😂🤦‍♀️

My stepson calls my dogs his brothers 🤷🏼‍♀️

I think it’s lovely and doesn’t make your DC any less loved. I have 3 DC and they class our DDog as their little brother and write his name with theirs in cards.

My parents love the dog’s company as their dog died and they won’t be getting another one. He gets presents and is included in days out. PIL are happy to have him for the odd sleepover but have never had DC overnight.

I’m sure DGP’s love and consideration of SIL’s dog does not diminish their love for your DC.

My DS doesn't have any DC so I call his cats my grandchildren. Mind you we and DiL are all cat mad.

As a kid we had a dog for many years, we didn’t do birthdays or anything. I was in my 20’s when he died, I remember thinking he wasn’t just a dog he was like a brother.

Dogs are not as important as people. And when it comes to comparing the grief over the death of a child with the death of a family pet, that's when it gets personal. And extremely so.

I've owned and loved many animals in my time. I've seen a lot come and go. As a horse owner, the word 'colic' is one to dread and gives you nightmares; every year my cats got older I feared taking them for their annual boosters more each year in case the vet found something wrong. When they died I mourned them all and I missed them all. That is a sad fact of life.

The loss of a child is a grief that changes you irrevocably. It's something you live every day of your life and never get over.

To have that frivolously compared with the death of an animal - not saying that's happening on this thread but it's happened elsewhere on MN and not infrequently - defies logic and plain decency.

My parents and my in laws both have seperate grandogs! I think it's so cute! They do everything you mentioned except bringing them out for meals.

DM had a grandcat. If anyone asked she said she had a grandson called Harry and didn't mention he was furry with a tail! She started saying that as people seemed to think it was their business whether I had children. The final straw was being told I'm selfish for not giving her grandchildren. Thankfully she accepted I don't like children and prefer cats!

My MIL was similar to op situation. My DC are her only grandchildren, and will remain so. My SIL has a dog, and my MIL called him her other grandchild. She prioritised the dog over my DC. Everything ran around the dog. Nobody could go anywhere or do anything unless it fitted in with the dog. She even changed church to one that would let her take the dog. She takes the dog to church every Sunday. She babysat the dog more than my DC. She made my DC share things with the dog, and do chores for the dog. My DC ended up very sad, and asked why GM loved the dog more than her GC. I had very carefully not said a word in front of DC that was negative about DC.

I don't have an answer to fix the issue. We ended up going NC for other reasons, but even some years later my DC still recall feeling less important to their GM than someone else's dog.

And we have dogs ourselves, we love them dearly, they are part of our family. It's not that we don't understand about the feelings people have for their pets. But there should be a line.

OP I'm with you but I think dog people and non dog people don't get each other.

I have dogs and no children. My dogs are cherished members of my "family".

Still, I do agree that it's odd to go to that level of treating dogs almost like people, and I privately roll my eyes at people who believe (or at least are quick to say) that their dog is their child. It's really not. I love my dog better than many people, but it's not the same as a child. I know that.

On the other hand, I'm annoyed when people go out of their way to belittle the importance of someone's dog in comparison to their child. Again, I know that my dog isn't a human child, but why be mean about it? For some people the dog is the only "child" they'll ever have, and they may be feeling sensitive on the subject.

In this case, I'd just ignore it and get on with your life. You can be annoyed, but I'd keep it to myself.

IMO people's behavior around dogs has just gone proper weird within the last 5 or so years

That. And I love dogs. But I respect then as dogs, and don't infantilise them with a wardrobe of silly clothes or call them "my boy/girl". I could go on... Treating them like three year old children is bad for them. They're animals with their own instincts and needs. And no, in the normal scheme of things, and outside of emergencies, they don't come before humans

YABU
Your DC are treated well by your PIL, and the bonus is that the dog is too.
Is weird you somehow think your own DC are being disrespected.

You can be annoyed and offended about it if you want, but that’s not going to change their behavior, is it? All you’ll be doing is highlighting yourself as the problem.

Equally people can think that treating animals as equals/preferring animals is weird, but that doesn’t mean others have to care about said judgement.

I’m so so sorry for your loss. 💐

Photo of Fred please.

I like the sound of your in laws, as long as Fred gets to do ‘dog stuff’ and isn’t a pampered accessory in a handbag. 😬

Our dog is a member of our family. He knows us and Mum and Dad and my parents as Grandma and Grandad. Their dogs are Auntie X and Y to him. My sister is also Auntie. DS refers to him as his brother.

He gets birthday and Christmas presents and this year, he’s having a birthday party with his friends (ie a mad run around an indoor dog arena). If we’re having a casual lunch with my parents, he’ll come and so will their dogs but he wouldn’t come to a birthday meal etc. We always sign cards from Me, DH, DS and Dog and interestingly, even though we didn’t send Christmas cards, all of those we received included the dog in the card. He wouldn’t come to a meal with PIL as that would stress them out even though he knows how to behave.

We definitely love him as much as all of our family members.

I don’t see how it affects you or your children TBH unless you really want to go somewhere that isn’t dog friendly and can’t.

Are they good grandparents to your DC? If they are, it doesn’t matter whether they dote on SIL’s dog or whether you understand their feelings….Everyone is different.

Am I wrong to find this all OTT? Borderline creepy? Disrespectful to my DC?

You're wrong to think it's about you and your children. It isn't. Just go with it. It's not taking anything from your children, it's not a zero sum game. It'll only be a big deal if you make it one.

Lmfao ...this!

I have a grand kitty as my eldest DD calls him, he gets presents and I get sent photos 🤣

If I could click Like on this post, I would.

Maybe your SIL has shared things with her parents that you don't know about?

Your children share a bloodline with a dog? 😂

Fred sounds great, I’m in team Fred 🐶

What's wrong with calling them cats?