To think not everyone gets it think rough?

[Sexismdoesntrule]

X oldest 2.5
Y youngest 1.5

X not walking when we got to town, having to carry them both into the bank, them screaming all the way home from the bank, then shouting ‘where’s the remote’ repeatedly whilst I microwaved beans and made scrambled egg&cheese, Y screaming banging cupboards and my legs whilst I made it, putting it down for them on the table and X screaming about the remote still, refused to come to the table so I brought him there and he slapped me three times and scratched me, how I am starving because they ate my breakfast I made.. well licked it, and now I want food but I have to sort them out first, then Y is covered in beans along with the table so everything need to be cleaned. X refusing to eat anything even though he’s hungry, and to top it off they’ve now ripped the curtains down from in the kitchen and are running around the table chasing each other with it.. there’s food all over the floor and table it’s going to need a wash.

Why is MY life so loud, why can’t I have MY old life back where I could fulfil tasks in their entirety in silence. This is obscene, why isn’t videos of this used as contraceptive?

It all goes on in private and no one has time to make a video.
Also, as a mother it might be turned around into a shaming exercise where you would be the target.

Sounds like typical child behaviour to me - that's why I don't have any 😂 They'll grow, soon.

I like your last paragraph. I have two boys and my life is now a spectacle for public consumption. I miss doing things quietly without fuss.

This post makes me wonder why people want kids at all. Sounds like hell and drudgery to me.

You’ve only got to watch animals every Spring to know it’s biology. It’s literally why we’re here.

@Scalottia if you have kids with a 1 year age gap I think it’s kind of to be expected.

mine are 6.5 and 2.5 and it’s much much easier with 4 years between them than I imagine 1 would be

I'm sorry OP, that's tough and stressful and hard. But where the hell is the discipline here? You sound so overwhelmed that you can't see the wood for the trees.

Let's just break it down and realise that these are all things you can absolutely cope with.

X not walking when we got to town, having to carry them both into the bank
Why? Is X able to walk? Why are you carrying both? Why no pram? Why not tell them to walk? What are the repercussions if they choose not to walk? Do they just get their way (carried)?

them screaming all the way home from the bank
Why? How did you handle this? Were they disciplined/asked to stop? Were they hurt or upset or just like making noise? Did you try a distraction?

then shouting ‘where’s the remote’ repeatedly
As above - why? What did you do about it? Did you step in or explain it's unacceptable?

Y screaming banging cupboards and my legs whilst I made it
And you told him off? Removed him from the cupboards? Distracted him with a toy or with "helping" you prepare food (literally "could you please be my helpful assistant chef and hold this packet for me until I need it?").

refused to come to the table so I brought him there
Good, good for you.

he slapped me three times and scratched me
Oh boy, you do not deserve that. You should not be hit or scratched by your own child (or anyone else). No. What did you do about that? Take it?

they ate my breakfast I made.. well licked it
And you did what? How did they even manage that? What was the consequence for that?

I want food but I have to sort them out first
You have sorted them out. Their food is on the table. A 2.5yo can feed himself. Put his food on the table, feed yourself and help Y if Y can't feed himself sufficiently.

Y is covered in beans along with the table so everything need to be cleaned
Good - they're supposed to be covered in beans. That's fine. A quick wipe is fine. Children are allowed to be covered in beans. Lower your standards here - you're fine.

X refusing to eat anything even though he’s hungry
The food can wait. No reaction. You eat, Y eats - X will make his way when he realises Y is getting attention for eating but he's not getting any for refusing.

they’ve now ripped the curtains down from in the kitchen and are running around the table chasing each other with it
And where's the discipline? Take it off them. Sit them down, tell them no, explain why it's wrong. Teach them how to behave.

there’s food all over the floor and table it’s going to need a wash
Mess is fine. It'll take 10 minutes, if that, to fix - it's fine. Mess is fine.

None of this is something you can't fix or cope with or sort out. You're just overwhelmed and stressed. Breathe and chill. Cool, calm, collected - discipline them when they act like this, don't give in because it's easier in the moment because it'll be harder later on. You're doing fine.

I mean, this is one of the reasons some of us don't have children.

On balance you decided that it was worth it for you.

It’s not all biology though. If it were women would be out looking for a mate every time they ovulated! There is some social conditioning involved too.

OP it will get better. You have to hold on to this. Use childcare as much as you can. This incredibly hard phase will be over and sooner than you think and your kids will become reasonable and fun.

Well, I'm not sure what to say. I have three kids and it was just never that bad. Brief moments of upset were set against lots of fun times. Although carrying on in monastic silence isn't my cup of tea either.

I hit 35 and suddenly went from not wanting children to wanting children. I’m sure you’re right that there’s social conditioning involved too but my gif that urge hit me like a ton of bricks. I wasn’t even in a relationship at the time so it didn’t come alongside new love.

Two little ones that are only a year apart is going to be tricky, and loud. Small children are not renowned for their quietness.

Are you able to use stairgates etc to zone off your living space so they can't access the kitchen?

ScramblePud
What a lovely post to OP. "Mess is fine", wise words.
It will be worth it when they are a bit older and can play together OP.

Honestly I think most people’s life would look like this if they had 1.5 and 2.5 year old.

It’s not just having two little ones with all their needs and demands, it’s the fact that you’re so exhausted you haven’t got the energy to do consistent discipline, distraction, making it a game, being patient… so yes their behaviour probably is worse than if you had just one of them or a bigger age gap. No judgment for this, I wouldn’t have the energy either.

It will get easier when X starts nursery.

But people can use their brains to question what they recognise as hormonal manipulation and make sensible decisions instead of all this 'It's my destiny because I'm female' crap.

I've no idea if your two are normal or not - I had one and stopped at that but she was pretty much a delight from the moment she was born until now (18). Yours sound like helll on earth tbh, but also that there is zero discipline. What consequences are there for destroying stuff?

I agree with both points, it is biology to an extent, and also social conditioning. I have ignored both, and have a less stressful life because of it. It is a very interesting topic to me - the pull of biology, how some of us feel it and some not. Social conditioning was never something I cared to concern myself with.

OP, I am sorry that you are finding it difficult. I hope that things improve with time.

Two under three is always going to be a trial, especially as the fuck will they every nap at the same time.

The upside is, you will get this stage out of the way quicker! But yes, it will be a bit of thankless slog in the meantime - wishing you strength to endure until it gets better.

Your last sentence made me laugh. YANBU!

Kind of to be expected isn't it? Not the ripping own curtain thing.

Take a buggy when you go out. They piss about, they got strapped in.

We do do consequences.. if X hurts Y he gets time out (screams at the top of his lungs the whole time though so it’s personally torture for me, the noise is something I cannot cope with let alone cope well).

Y was moved away from the cupboard 4 times whilst I tried to warm up some food, given something else, they even have a cupboard they can ransack that doesn’t have locks on it but of course that’s the least interesting one 😂.

X was helped to look for the remote for a few minutes but I couldn’t find it so said we would after lunch, I went back in to tell him to stop screaming 2 times but I’m just trying to warm some beans and scramble some egg and that’s 6 times I had to tell someone not to do something or show them what they can do.

What I described above as just 1 hr, there are 12-13 that they’re awake for generally. And yes, do they fuck nap together🥹if X naps at all it’s rare these days.

For the slapping and scratch I put him back in a seated position on the chair and shouted ‘do not do that to ANYONE’ he just cried until he said sorry and kissed my hand.

I do as much as possible to reduce the noise and hysteria.

Beans everywhere is usually fine but omg cleaning up a bean soaked table/chair/child whilst the other is screaming at you is.. horrible.

my sympathies. I have 3 (bigger spacing) and even then it’s pretty chaotic. Often we don’t go out because it is so exhausting. I thought I would be a strict parent - and I guess I am in some ways - but I just run out of energy. At under 3 it is pretty hard to discipline them - they have poor impulse control and limited understanding… DH finds it v overwhelming. It does get easier as they grow though… on the upside, I grew up in a noisy house and I have an excellent noise filter and can sleep anywhere.

I like threads like this, they make me feel better about being infertile!

Have you watched that programme about naughty dogs on Channel 5?

When dogs are naughty it's invariably the fault of the owners. I believe kids are the same.