To think not everyone gets it think rough?

[Sexismdoesntrule]

X oldest 2.5
Y youngest 1.5

X not walking when we got to town, having to carry them both into the bank, them screaming all the way home from the bank, then shouting ‘where’s the remote’ repeatedly whilst I microwaved beans and made scrambled egg&cheese, Y screaming banging cupboards and my legs whilst I made it, putting it down for them on the table and X screaming about the remote still, refused to come to the table so I brought him there and he slapped me three times and scratched me, how I am starving because they ate my breakfast I made.. well licked it, and now I want food but I have to sort them out first, then Y is covered in beans along with the table so everything need to be cleaned. X refusing to eat anything even though he’s hungry, and to top it off they’ve now ripped the curtains down from in the kitchen and are running around the table chasing each other with it.. there’s food all over the floor and table it’s going to need a wash.

Why is MY life so loud, why can’t I have MY old life back where I could fulfil tasks in their entirety in silence. This is obscene, why isn’t videos of this used as contraceptive?

What an infantile and judgmental comment. Comparing rowdy kids to "naught dogs" and saying it's the parents' fault.

There's simply no need for black and white, finger-wagging judgement like that. Yes, parenting techniques could help here, but god the admonishing tone of this comment is nauseating.

I find it interesting too as someone who was infertile but now more on the childfree side of the fence.

OP I also hope things will get better for you.

I think PP are being harsh. 2.5 is only just at the age where consequences and discipline have an effect and 1.5 is way too young, and both are far too young to be 'naughty'.

You've got a small age gap and I think until the oldest is 2.5 it's going to be shit, sorry OP. At those ages its just about surviving and having the odd nice time in between. When they are older though they will entertain themselves well and you will get some of your life back, I promise!

The best piece of parenting advice I had was that young children are like dogs, all they need is love, food and boundaries.

And in fact things like playing with food is developmentally normal and important

This is complete rubbish. Some children (I'm not a great fan of comparing dogs and children) are easier than others. Children are born with a personality, they're not blank slates! Of course good parenting can make things easier but it's not as simple as "use this parenting trick and your kids will definitely behave".

I am really sick of people jumping to this simplistic conclusion that children's behaviour is 100% down to parenting. Humans are much, much more complex than that.

It will get better OP, toddlers are really hard work. In the meantime don't make life harder for yourself and use a buggy!

I remember being a bit jealous of the whole #twoundertwo thing and wishing that I had a close age gap but that was never going to be an option for my barely fertile body but when I speak to folk with a small age gap I'm usually glad that mine was dragged out a good while. I'm sure it's lovely that they'll be so close in age and play all the time but mine are rarely so needy in combination.

I have a 1yo, 3 yo and 5 yo and I think you are making your life harder! Kids will be kids! First of all, why are you carrying them? The single best parenting tool I own is the double buggy. I don't care if they don't like / want to be in it - strap them in and then even if they continue to shout, at least you can move around faster and easier and get things done. Failing that, 1yo in a sling or carrier and 2yo in a lightweight buggy. No way in hell would I be lugging mine around in my arms - my back wouldn't cope! Next, into highchairs while you prepare food and give them a quick and easy finger food to keep them occupied while you cook eg a banana broken in half or a rice cake each or whatever. Again, I do not allow them running around the kitchen - it's hazardous and slows me down. Even if they don't want to be in the highchair, again, straps on and buckled in and at least they are contained! Your 2 yo needs to start learning that shouting and hitting will not get him/her what he/she wants, so I'd be very firmly starting with "No!"s and not allowing TV time if there's any of that type of behaviour. Once kids are eating, then you eat. If they start demanding other things, say "no, mummy is eating now. I will help you when I'm finished." It's good to start teaching them patience. I'm afraid beans are a messy food and it's normal to need to give everyone and everything a good scrub after meal times. It does sound tough but I think you can help to improve things by containing them a bit more and not allowing them to dictate everything.

There's two reasons:

1. They're not disciplined (in whichever way)

1. They're very close in age.

I think you should all have had breakfast before you left the house. The small age gap is likely to mean more shared activities and playin together more and more as they get older so actually less work and more fun for you

Well that’s kids yes, the thing is you have to teach them not to act like that. If you’re not actively parenting them they’re going to act feral. It’s tedious but with enough parenting they do grow out of it, if you just give in and let them carry on they’ll get worse and worse. No one tells you that because it’s assumed you’d know you have to parent your children before you have them.

Online banking and shopping might make your life a bit easier.

Yup.

Playpen or barricade type thing. Often cheap on Facebook marketplace. You can put them in and know it’s safe. Double buggy again often cheap second hand.
Make food night before, use slow cooker etc. Breakfast food like overnight oats or weetabix for you are filling and can make a few at a time.
Personally I don’t understand going for 1 yr gap it sounds like hell on earth to me but obviously they are here so you need to find ways to survive.

The single best parenting tool I own is the double buggy. I don't care if they don't like / want to be in it - strap them in and then even if they continue to shout

I view things opposite to this. Me babywearing and gentle parenting has disciplined dc in a calm, natural way.

OP carrying them is irrelevant, wanting to be carried is not bad behaviour. It's the rest of the behaviours that need to be addressed.

I had a small age gap between my older two and then 2.5 yrs to the third - so had three under 5 at one point. Agree with a PP that you can impose some rules to make your life easier, including strapping into high chairs while you put food on the table/wipe round etc. And yes to taking the buggy and putting the child who is being most difficult at any one point in it! At the ages of yours I had one in a sling or backpack and one in the buggy. With all three I had double buggy plus sling or the oldest walked and younger two in the buggy. At home my top tip would be a stairgate to keep them in one child-proofed room downstairs so you can snatch 10 mins to cook/prep or wipe round or answer the phone or door without kids hanging off your legs. At one point we also had older child in a playpen with crayons etc and toddler roaming in room with stairgate across the door! Similarly upstairs I would put one or both in cot/toddler bed with sides for a few mins while I wiped bathroom, sorted dirty nappies, went to the loo etc. Safe contained spaces are fine for the few minutes here and there that make your day more bearable. I also found that fairly strict routines for TV improved all our lives - eg 20 mins before lunch, 20 mins before naps, 20 mins before DH came home... they learned what to expect and were calmer.

www.ventureuk.com/product/baby-playpen-by-venture-all-stars/?gclid=CjwKCAiA2fmdBhBpEiwA4CcHzapKueScfsqXNDLtE_YnkWosOnEnP7ZAAaAnlUkbNbjKkMcgA9YkFRoCHToQAvD_BwE

This type of thing.

I had three under 4 at one point (they’re adults now). I don’t remember details but I have an abiding memory of chaos and fun and yes noise. Granted, I worked full time three days a week so only had them as sole charge for four days. I think that was the trick really - I had the opportunity to get away from them and then miss them. I didn’t care about mess and dirt really. It was a blast.

OP, do you get a decent break at all?

Why does a 2 year old need a remote control just before he's about to eat?

He could have been helping you instead ('helping').

Why is he allowed to get away with scratching and hitting you? Tearing down curtains? These are really serious actions which won't go well at preschool/nursery.

That doesn't sound like standard toddler behaviour tbh.

Is it just you on your own with them 24/7 or do you have a partner/some other help?

Well that sounds like a more compassionate take. Analogies are fine, but I think comparing kids who are being messy, loud, etc with "naughty dogs" is reductive and simplistic. I do agree though that young kids do just need love, food and boundaries!

*For the slapping and scratch I put him back in a seated position on the chair and shouted ‘do not do that to ANYONE’ he just cried until he said sorry and kissed my hand.

I do as much as possible to reduce the noise and hysteria.*

These two paragraphs contradict each other a bit. If you don't want your kids to shout, don't shout at them. DD is not a perfect child and I am certainly not a perfect mother, but she doesn't and has never shouted because nobody shouts in our house. So she knows it isn't done.

Having two so close in age is going to be a bit chaotic at times, unfortunately. I think you need to figure out what's important and let the rest go. Being covered in beans after eating? Fine, it happens, they'll get bathed later, get the worst off with a wipe and move on. Licking your breakfast? A bit silly but not the end of the world. Opening cupboard doors? Annoying, I'd attempt to redirect but I wouldn't be that fussed as eventually they'll get bored. But screaming, hitting and ripping down curtains? Absolutely not acceptable. Time outs (or whatever form of discipline works for you) for the 2.5 year old, redirection and a firm "no, we use indoor voices/use gentle hands/look after our things" for the 1.5 year old.

I mean having kids a year apart is like having twins in many ways, it's harder with 2 so small

It sounds hectic, I decided to stop at 1 DC because I couldn’t cope with the mayhem and noise of children. You live and learn 😂 but this isn’t forever OP, there will come a time when they will play nicely in another room whilst you can have a cup of tea in peace. I know people hate it but I used to let DC watch tv whilst I was cooking because it’s too dangerous to have them around your legs when you’re carrying hot pans and sharp knives.

@ususer432900976 how is the op struggling through the bank carrying two children calm or gentle? It's not. If she was just going for a stroll or visiting friends and family then absolutely fine - pick them up, cuddle them, give them attention. But sometimes you need to get shit done, quickly and without your hands full of babies and toddlers. I parent gently - I co sleep, breastfeed and give them all lots of attention and love, but you have to draw a line when it gets to the stage that you can't cope.

You sound at the end of your tether OP.
Things that spring to mind from my own experience:
Buggy with strong straps for going into any public building.
Reins.
High chair with strong straps for younger and booster seat with harness at the table for the elder.
All food prepared in the evening after bed time and placed in fridge, so no prep required when they were really hungry.
Lots of long walks outside as often as possible.
There were no computers when my dc were little, so trips to bank and shops could not be avoided. These days I would do everything possible online.
It does get easier as they get older.