To think not everyone gets it think rough?

[Sexismdoesntrule]

X oldest 2.5
Y youngest 1.5

X not walking when we got to town, having to carry them both into the bank, them screaming all the way home from the bank, then shouting ‘where’s the remote’ repeatedly whilst I microwaved beans and made scrambled egg&cheese, Y screaming banging cupboards and my legs whilst I made it, putting it down for them on the table and X screaming about the remote still, refused to come to the table so I brought him there and he slapped me three times and scratched me, how I am starving because they ate my breakfast I made.. well licked it, and now I want food but I have to sort them out first, then Y is covered in beans along with the table so everything need to be cleaned. X refusing to eat anything even though he’s hungry, and to top it off they’ve now ripped the curtains down from in the kitchen and are running around the table chasing each other with it.. there’s food all over the floor and table it’s going to need a wash.

Why is MY life so loud, why can’t I have MY old life back where I could fulfil tasks in their entirety in silence. This is obscene, why isn’t videos of this used as contraceptive?

@sexismdoesntrule poor sod, both kids are at very....hands-on ages. I feel for you. No good advice though, although I liked what @ScramblePud wrote. In fact, I'd quite like Scramble to follow me round and calmly instruct me through the day, and I've only got one dc to look after!

Might not be textbook parenting advice, but was a game changer for me personally
DD used to cling to me/whinge etc when I was trying to cook, used to dread mealtimes
One day, whilst on the absolute brink, I put Alexa on as loud as is reasonable when you live mid-terrace, to drown out the noise
She loved it! Came in bopping and shouting 'mini-fluff dancing'
She asks for it during meal prep every day now, I have to dodge her jumping about, but I keep her on the other side of the kitchen to the cooker and she's in sight and let's me crack on
I appreciate I only have one, but it's worth a shot and I dare say I quite enjoy it too

Maybe remind yourself every time that when they're older, their boisterous, lively characters will probably be a lot of fun! :D

You may not believe this right now op but you WILL look back on this period of your life with love and fondness, and you may even wish to god to have these times back again!

I would do literally anything to swap places with you right now, and cuddle my gorgeous toddlers again and swing them around. My dc are now they young adults it is these kinds of memories that we laugh about and share regularly.

Don't take anything too seriously or to heart, enjoy the chaos, it won't last for long.

Take lots of photos, the worse they are the better - recordings of said adventures and store somewhere safe, when you are out the other side and your house is a picture of tidy perfection you will some popcorn in hand, your teens on the sofa and you will enjoy your memories and life story on a winter's afternoon.

Hell and drudgery kind of describes it.

I love my children but they're bloody hard work. I keep waiting for it to get easier.

Ahhh you had them 12 months apart, no wonder you're run ragged. My first 2 are 18 months apart, it is hard with 2 so little at the same time. Even though they are little you do need to be teaching them right from wrong. My youngest is 20 months, we use the step/the rug where he is placed if he has done something wrong, a gentle way to teach him, which we have started the past few months as he understands what we are saying and instructions now. Our eldest 2 are very well behaved, we used this with them too/still do at aged 5 and 6. Take control and start to use (gentle) discipline, they can only learn how they should behave if you teach them.

It's hard with 2 so close together, but you can do small things to help yourself.

@ScramblePud there’s no point me writing anything because your two posts do it for me!

I have ADHD and I’m certain my son has it too - he’s only 4 so won’t be diagnosed for a while yet. I don’t think my daughter does but she’s only 2 so still not certain. Life was chaotic until I realised I was in this for the long game and I could either get screamed at every day, or get screamed at while they were learning which boundaries were in place. Yes, some days we achieved nothing but little by little we made progress and they learned that fuss meant a late lunch. Screaming meant no TV at all and asking nicely meant I would stop what I was doing to help. They could refuse to walk but that meant a cold wet bum from sitting on the pavement because I wasn’t picking them up.

This is very true - take heed OP, they grow up so fast. One of my fondest memories was the three of them going round and round our downstairs open-plan rooms on their wheely-bugs and screeching, they would pretend they were characters from the Cars movie. Used to drive me mad at the time but I let them because I wanted them to have fun.
Obviously tearing down your curtains isn’t ok but could you distract them with a game to play at the table - get a load of coloured pegs and get them to sort them into piles etc.

They won’t be this age for long - before you know it they’ll be teens and do anything to avoid spending time with you!

I've seen mother dogs and cats, bite their offspring to control them. It's not just humans that have to teach their offspring

I havea small gap too! Some toys are brilliant snd and other days are hell. Never know which it's going to be until I'm deep into it but what's done is done :-)

You've had alot of good advice, I wanted to add that for the noise aspect you might want to consider loop ear buds. They take the edge of the noise that comes with life but you can still hear what's going on. Great for the sensory overload of having two little ones sometimes!

Absolutely true!
Female dog mothers do a lot of “ Disciplining”
of puppies from an early age, sometimes holding a “Naughty “ pup’s head gently in their mouth like an apple til pup submits, or pinning a puppy down.
Mother cats also swipe kittens.
Gorillas discipline their young, too.

It’s the close age gap I reckon. I also have a 13mo and 2 year old and wowee EVERYTHING is hard work, from school runs with my 6yo, drs appointments, ‘nice’ days out, ‘holidays’ etc.. it’s all harder than it would be with larger age gaps.

I constantly get from strangers when they look at my 3 kids - “ooh you’ve got your hands full” and they’re never bleedin wrong!

Im told it gets easier 🙄😵‍💫😆

OP I say this from a place of kindness, but you need to put in place consistent boundaries immediately. Licking your breakfast? My DC would never have dared! If you don’t teach them the meaning of the word ‘no’ now, you will have much bigger problems when they become teenagers. Destructive behaviour will escalate - they need to be stopped in their tracks. No DC is perfect, but the behaviour you describe is appalling. You can take control, you are the adult.

It’s so hard. When my two boys were little the eldest was seriously manic. It was exhausting.

I involved them in everything to stay sane. Found it a better use of my energy than sanctions and they enjoyed it.
So If have given them a splodge of peanut butter a knife and toast and let them spread it. They’d have stirred scrambled eggs with a fork. They might have scooped beans from a bowl onto their own plates.

Literally any job I could give them I did…pulling laundry out the machine, wiping the floor with spay water in a spray bottle and kitchen roll (they had their own spray bottles with watered down vinegar for windows/patio door, lavender water for dusting and soapy water for cleaning v things), washing vegetables in a colander, frying their own plastic crockery with a tea towel each. They were ‘filler’ jobs to buy me time, but it helped me do stuff.
(I did need to take deep breaths a lot though).

They are now amazing at cooking and cleaning for their ages.

Small children are tyrants, without a doubt.

They do grow out of it, and then you get a few years of niceness.👍

They then turn into hormone fuelled teenagers who are the most provocative species to walk the earth. 😳😳😳

But, they, in turn, usually grow out of it, and you end up with young adults to be proud of lol

No one ever said it easy.😉

You chose such a small age gap presumably. What you describe is the reason I have a 4 year gap between my two. So yes in that respect YABU IMO.

This

I have 3 yo twins op so I feel your pain.

If the buggy is too hard to set up from the car, you need a better buggy. Not more expensive, just easier. Umbrella one you can just throw open. It's not harder to do that than wrestle two kids.

Always make extra toast. Obviously your food is the best food in the house, you're the Mama so clearly your food is superior. Or sit them with theirs and then come in behind them and sit out of sight

Don't start lunch without a first grasp of where the remote control is.

Baby Gate or locks on doors they're not allowed through.

Not a good mother's guide to parenting, obv, but a survivalist approach.

Op didn't know the reality of toddlers when she got pregnant with the second one, so hardly her fault for not knowing how hard it is. Having a second once you've had one toddler and know what it's like, that's when it's "well you knew what it was like" is vaguely appropriate

I have a friend who bought a double buggy second hand off Facebook, light and manageable. Both then could go in it. We live near a children's nursery, they use triple buggies whenever out and about.

I second locks on doors to limit the mess and for safety

Even I know how hard the reality of toddlers are, and I don't even have kids. Just read threads on here about toddlers, best contraception ever! Surely most people know that having small children isn't easy.

It's a decision that parents make - to have a 2nd child. It mostly gets better with time.

No, you don't. You really don't. You know the theory of how hard toddlers are. You know that some parents find it hard but some don't. You know some of your friends kids are monsters and some aren't. Threads on here will convince you it's just poor parenting mostly and you just need to try harder.

You can't possibly know the reality of two screaming hungry kids in 3 hours of sleep and half a cup of cold coffee and a bite of soggy toast one of the kids fed you, until you're doing it. As a parent, carer, childcare worker, obliging babysitter etc. You don't need to have laid the egg but you do need to live it.

And 3 months PP, hormones are all over the place, even assuming it was planned. Not everyone could go through an abortion for a child conceived in a happy relationship, you just figure out you'll figure it out.

And sometimes the bloody egg gets so excited to be a little brother it splits in two. Yes my twins, I'm looking at you.

I'm only impressed people are having sex to GET pregnant at that stage.

That's true, I guess I don't really know how toddlers are. It looks really hard though!

Trust me, I do everything to avoid getting pregnant! That is not the life for me.

Hi,
Yesterday I was having a day like you.
Today is better. I have kids with a small gaps like you in between and it is really hard, with moments of bliss in between!

To answer your original question, not everyone has it this hard as not everyone has two close together AND yours are at the hardest age. Old enough to express their own desires but not old enough to reason with!

First, of all you need a break. If you have a partner/friend/relative to help its time you got some time out, even if it's just half an hour to have uninterrupted bath. If you don't have access to help this I would still suggest this once they're in bed. You need a break or you will burn out, and that will not help anyone.

Second, treat parenting like a job. You are entitled to a tea break and time for lunch(you wont get them on your own for now but you will soon) and you get to set the agenda for what you do each day. My daughter would love to eat my food at that age and it's worked quite well for getting her to try adventurous things.

Third, Do things you like with the kids-I like arts and crafts so I do painting and making stuff, my sister likes exercise so she runs with her older kids. What do you like doing? Can you make this toddler friendly?

Fourth, get some real life solidarity. Toddler groups have been keeping mums sane since time began. Try a few to find one you and the kids like as they're all different.

Good luck, and it does get better. That age gap will make them really close when they're older, and very soon they will enjoy playing together.🤗
Oh, and if you want yet more advice, I found Supernanny episodes on TV and 'Toddler Taming' by Christopher Green good to read as it explains why toddlers do things(bit dated now but basic principles remain true)

You have 2 children at the hardest ages imho. Survival is the aim. I limited outings to soft play/ very child friendly.

I had days like you describe where it was just chaos. You learn to always take the buggy/ sling, time it to perfection, have snacks on tap. It will still go wrong some days.
I sometimes wonder how cave women ever kept toddlers alive.