To think not everyone gets it think rough?

[Sexismdoesntrule]

X oldest 2.5
Y youngest 1.5

X not walking when we got to town, having to carry them both into the bank, them screaming all the way home from the bank, then shouting ‘where’s the remote’ repeatedly whilst I microwaved beans and made scrambled egg&cheese, Y screaming banging cupboards and my legs whilst I made it, putting it down for them on the table and X screaming about the remote still, refused to come to the table so I brought him there and he slapped me three times and scratched me, how I am starving because they ate my breakfast I made.. well licked it, and now I want food but I have to sort them out first, then Y is covered in beans along with the table so everything need to be cleaned. X refusing to eat anything even though he’s hungry, and to top it off they’ve now ripped the curtains down from in the kitchen and are running around the table chasing each other with it.. there’s food all over the floor and table it’s going to need a wash.

Why is MY life so loud, why can’t I have MY old life back where I could fulfil tasks in their entirety in silence. This is obscene, why isn’t videos of this used as contraceptive?

@saltinesandcoffeecups yes a slow cooker/pressure cooker has saved my sanity. We eat a lot of samey slow cooker food some weeks but who cares 🤣 literally Chuck stuff in, then put in a bowl/plate. I also get decent quality Costco or Charlie Bingham ready meals when budget allows for one night a week so there’s just no pressure at all

Been there, similar age gap and had to solo parent during covid lockdowns as husband was posted away from home. It definitely gets easier, mine are now 4 and 3 and behave perfectly the majority of the times.
Now is the time you have to set boundaries and expectations for their behaviour, don’t give into their demands. Make sure you tire them out in the mornings with a trip to a park or soft play, then run your errands…maybe when they are napping in the buggy! Make sure they get good sleep patterns and minimise screen time. I’ve noticed behaviour declines significantly with increased screen time. Most importantly carve time out for yourself, you cannot be you best self of mother without self care and me time. I learnt the hard way and practically had a breakdown. It took a long time for me to recover. Book them in to nursery/childcare or get friends and family to look after them and go treat yourself. In 18months time they will be best mates and you’ll be so proud of them. Good luck

I'm sure she didn't realise just how hard they would be until it was too late. They are at a notoriously hard age

I had three but with much bigger gaps than you. They all did the same awful things yours have done today. And worse. They are all at school now doing fine, have friends, eat with cutlery, can put on own clothes, never make death threats to their siblings (well hardly ever), generally lovely people. It does stop. I can't give you an exact date but it does stop.

I can't remember how I got through the toddler years but I do remember being pregnant with DC3 and suddenly realising this meant I was going to have another toddler and thinking 'Oh shit'. So clearly even living through it twice already wasn't effective contraception.

I thought these were dogs you were talking about-
Completely unacceptable behaviour in dogs and Children.
YOU need to be in charge.

A child taking your breakfast?
Who is the adult?

You need to regain control, Now.

We did have breakfast before we left the house, we get up at 5am hazel.. 10am is midday😂

Online banking would make my life easier 🥲 my new address isn’t on their system I HAD to go to a branch.

I mean
licking my breakfast is annoying if I have made peanut butter on toast and X licks all the peanut butter off whilst I turned around to make them a drink…

Scramble our.. and then what.. so then I have to go back because the eggs are burning, then I have to go and stop Y pulling the beans off the counter or pushing a chair against the counter to climb up, then I have to go back and tell X to stop shouting, then I have to go and put Y in his chair to eat, then plate up the food,
then make X and Y a drink. I’m not just sitting on my arse watching the chaos it’s chaotic because I’m doing shit for them.. constantly. And the second you turn you back on one the other is destroying something in another location. There is time to discipline but something else doesn’t happen if that happens, so more screaming comes from the child needing something whilst I discipline the child with incorrect behaviour.

I referred to my food as breakfast, I was starving at 1030 because I’ve been up since 5 and only managed one slice of toast because the other they had stolen/licked. Oh and a coffee. So this was their 2nd meal of the day (offered) and one snack on way to bank.

Poster who said just put the telly on.. did you even read my post 😀.

Thank you for all of the comments I’m going through them. But fucking hell i cant just strap them places, they get out, we had to get rid of the high chairs because they both climbed out even when strapped in properly so we’ve got the boosters strapped to the normal chair and they climb in and out. The pram is ok they can’t escape that but it’s a nightmare to setup for what was a ten second walk from car to bank.

I understand why those who are child-free post on Mumsnet but why the fuck do they think it's appropriate to make smug arsed comments on a thread where a mother is struggling? It's just plain nasty.

Gosh, so many smug, unpleasant 'this is why I don't have kids' comments. OP, mine are 3 and 5 and it is INFINITELY easier than the ages your two are at. You are in the absolute thick of it. Every month that passes will be easier, less exhausting and more enjoyable than the last. I promise.

Yes! I think we're saying the same!

I was such a great parent when I only had DS1. Then DS2 came along and taught me that I'd just been bloody lucky with the temperament of my firstborn child. If I had had two like him I would have been sobbing in a corner!

I think the early years can be a case of just surviving. Especially if there's only a year between them. It will get better and you will work out how to deal with them. At the moment, the eldest is probably jealous of the youngest and both are too little to really grasp perfect behaviour. Two "feisty" ones close in age is a nightmare.

What ScramblePud said. Please remember to think of yourself and remember to eat too. Install some discipline in them. Mealtimes can be quiet if you enforce it so everyone can eat. You need to play tough mum and follow up on consequences every time. It's hard but you will get through this.

It's all very well to say that the mum should be in charge and the children should do what they're told. Well, of course they bloody should, but how do you make that happen? You cannot reason with children under the age of three, and I never found anything approaching an effective punishment because they don't understand punishment at that age either. The best I could come up with was threats and bribes.

It does get better eventually.

Get in habit of putting your food/drink up high. It’s safer anyway.
Playpen. Much easier to get done in 5 mins than trying to cook with toddlers under feet.
At least they can eat & drink same.
Good luck.

Do you have kids? Seriously. Sometimes kids are so overwhelmed, they just dig their heels in. It's hard to have consequences that are immediate when you can't piss about waiting for them to walk and you need to be somewhere, or it's raining or whatever. Explaining to a tantruming child in the middle of town is sometimes not feasible.

Sayng no to kids means they will literally (and I'm not saying don't say no, but obviously you then deal with the fallout) go on and on and on about that thing... Explaining why they can't makes no difference and it drives you to distraction!

I'm with you OP, you're doing great, your kids are alive, loved and fed. This won't be forever

OP, do you have a playpen? I could not have coped when my boys were small without some kind of containment

2 under 3 is really tough especially with them so close in age. I have 3 kids with the youngest 1.5, it's an age where they have absolutely no reason or sense and need to be treated like a pet with a deathwish, basically!

You can set yourself up for success in some ways. A gate on the kitchen is extremely helpful for reducing risk and stress there, even if it means you are prepping food while they rage on the other side of it. A double buggy is essential for boring errands. Bring snacks and distractions if they fight in the buggy and try to wear them out beforehand so that they will sleep. Maybe you can get a second hand one that isn't such a pain to set up? I was lucky to inherit a Phil & Ted's double decker type one from a friend, really easy, you can even fold it with the second seat in place. My 1.5yo can climb out of a 3 point waist harness (we have just got rid of the highchair as well) but not a buggy type harness.

I might be gross but I totally eat food my toddlers have licked. In fact I finish off their plates if they leave stuff. Ain't no way I've got the energy to make a full new meal for myself. And lots of convenience foods to minimise effort in the kitchen. Right now all my 1.5yo and 4yo want to eat is baby Hipp tray meals. Who cares? It's easy. If they had licked peanut butter off, I would probably put some more on if I really couldn't be bothered to wait for more toast. BUT if you had a gate on the kitchen, then they wouldn't have been able to reach anyway. If you put gates on multiple rooms perhaps you can separate them if they are hurting each other?

Discipline is all well and good but prevention does a much more effective and less painful job in 90% of cases at these ages.

🤣🤣🤣Oh I’m sorry OP but I just laughed my way through your post. It’s like “welcome to the world of toddlers”! They do sound especially boisterous, and I think you need to give the 2yr old a timeout.

I had three under 5 at one point - I was mayhem but i look back with fondness, wouldn’t change a thing.

Its exhausting though!

Agree. Everyone is welcome on MN but it is supposed to be a site to support parents, not kick them when they are down.

Two in the insane age and one adult is a nightmare. I was trying to watch both 1.5yo and 4yo in a DIY store the other day while DH looked at paint and we just had to take one each. The 4yo knows enough about self preservation not to die but is strong enough for his "curious experiments" to cause expensive damage if unchecked. The 1.5yo isn't strong enough to damage anything but has no self preservation and would put himself in a life threatening situation without supervision. They can both run in opposite directions. I can manage both because the 4yo can follow instructions.

I had this and all the telling off in the world or text book parenting advice didn’t do anything.
I know because I used to get screamed at, at home and had the cane in school and I would just forget what I had done wrong and the punishment and do it again and again.
It was like telling someone off for blinking. The need overcomes any punishment tat can be fished out.

20 years later we are all diagnosed ADHD.

We pulled into a pavement facing parking space a few years ago and saw a mother with 3 very young children walking, one in the pushchair and the other 2 holding onto the pushchair walking alongside.

Dd looked at the scene “we were never like that” Ds then asked “how do they not want to run around”

Oh no OP you posted in AIBU instead of Parenting ☹️

Still, everyone saying ‘discipline!’ and ‘be in control!’ is not wrong as such but discipline and ‘control’ are frameworks that take time to build. I have a 22mo age gap, so my eldest is the same age as your eldest but my youngest is just 6mo, and so can be strapped to places without all hell breaking loose. I found it helpful to reframe ‘punishment’ as ‘consequence’. To be comprehensible by a 2yo, these need to be logical results which arise from their actions. What are the consequences when 2yo throws? The thing he throws is taken away and he cannot have it any more. Simple language - “X when you throw [object], it gets taken away. I won’t let you throw things.” Curtains pulled down - “X and Y when you break things in the kitchen, we can’t be in there any more” and take everyone out of there. Ideally you have a door or stair gate or play pen you can deploy to temporarily detain them whilst you clear up. Obviously you have to go back in to feed them so it’s a nominal consequence but keep it up, you’ve shown a logical response. Y pulls beans down - “Y when you spill food, you have to clean it up” and give him some kitchen roll to wipe the floor. Etc.

My life with 2yo at mealtimes is basically issuing non-stop consequences and trying not to scream. You have all that PLUS the unbridled horror of an 18 month old who is mobile but may not be that verbal and will have zero impulse control. If you can get any food into them, you are winning. In the end, those of us with small age gaps will be the winners because our children might be really really good friends. Might. We have to hold on to that. All the best to you.

OP you’re at the hardest possible stage with a small age gap. It will get easier even if it doesn’t feel like it now. When they’re 3 and 4 it’ll be a bit easier and then they’re 6 and 7 or 9 and 10 so so so much easier. It sounds exhausting - you’re doing amazing. Will your 2 year old get their funding for childcare soon- that might help a bit

Yes, you're describing motherhood, and it's ok. It seems impossible but it's not.

so then I have to go back because the eggs are burning
You take them off the heat and lunch takes much longer to cook lunch - it is what it is. Who died? No one? Cool.

then I have to go and stop Y pulling the beans off the counter
Yeah, put them out of reach, if they get cold then you reheat them again and lunch takes much longer to cook and who died? No one? Cool.

pushing a chair against the counter to climb up
Move him, move the chair, distract with something else

go back and tell X to stop shouting
Get them in the same space so no going back-and-forth. But, yes, tell him to stop and, if he doesn't, consequences.

I’m not just sitting on my arse watching the chaos it’s chaotic because I’m doing shit for them.. constantly.
Yep, it's parenting, it's fine. You've got it. Just slow it down.

There is time to discipline but something else doesn’t happen if that happens, so more screaming comes from the child needing something whilst I discipline the child with incorrect behaviour.
Let them scream whilst you deal with the incorrect behaviour. Just let them. Deal with what you're dealing with. Then go and deal with the screaming afterwards. If you're disciplining X and Y starts screaming for your attention so you give Y attention then Y is learning to scream for attention. If you're disciplining X and Y starts screaming for your attention but you ignore Y then Y will learn not to scream for your attention because it won't work. You're their mother, not their slave - you don't respond whenever they scream at you.

None of this is a criticism, your standards and expectations are too high and you're judging yourself by impossible standards. You're trying to get too much done. Just stop - be slow. If it takes an hour to microwave beans then it takes an hour. If they want their beans quickly or want them warm then they'll learn that it only happens when they behave.

I did some childminding when the kids were young and yes, it is fair to say that what works with one set of children does not necessarily work with others!

Mine took after me, thank goodness, so were pretty calm - but at that age (in our case 2 years apart) they were still often a handful. Sounds like yours are a couple of terrors.

You have 2 kids very close in age. I know this is difficult so many avoid it. Well done for getting through the day.

Secondly you took them both to the bank without a double buggy or car? Are you a single mum? In this situation both of my kids would be in nursery or I'd do it when my oh was home. You have been ambitious, so it was tough.

Yes kids shout things over again. Try to ignore it and every now and then say please could you use your quiet voice and model that behaviour.

They ate your breakfast. I'd be thinking phew my kid ate. Next time make extra if you can.

Yes you usually eat second with young kids. Make one big meal for everyone. Look for things you can cook fast. Can your oh or a friend help you?

But what stands out to me is why is your kid banging and screaming so much. In your situation this would be my question. My kid would do that sometimes they all do. If this happens often I think that's the question you should be honing in on and seeking advice for?

Having said all of this it will get easier as they grow up ❤️

Close in age like that, they will get each other going and egg each other on. It does improve OP, they'll start to play together and entertain each other rather than try to destroy everything. The age gap will end up easier as the years pass so hang in there.