To think not everyone gets it think rough?

[Sexismdoesntrule]

X oldest 2.5
Y youngest 1.5

X not walking when we got to town, having to carry them both into the bank, them screaming all the way home from the bank, then shouting ‘where’s the remote’ repeatedly whilst I microwaved beans and made scrambled egg&cheese, Y screaming banging cupboards and my legs whilst I made it, putting it down for them on the table and X screaming about the remote still, refused to come to the table so I brought him there and he slapped me three times and scratched me, how I am starving because they ate my breakfast I made.. well licked it, and now I want food but I have to sort them out first, then Y is covered in beans along with the table so everything need to be cleaned. X refusing to eat anything even though he’s hungry, and to top it off they’ve now ripped the curtains down from in the kitchen and are running around the table chasing each other with it.. there’s food all over the floor and table it’s going to need a wash.

Why is MY life so loud, why can’t I have MY old life back where I could fulfil tasks in their entirety in silence. This is obscene, why isn’t videos of this used as contraceptive?

And walkies

Oh OP, lots of sympathy.

Mine have a bigger age gap but just as much chaos. I struggle with it as well. I'm quite a low maintenance kind of person and thought I'd handle caring for others no problem. I was totally unprepared for myself not just coming last, but most of the time not at all. Seeing to other peoples needs and whims repeatedly all day long is just relentless and I get absolutely no time to do the basics for myself.

As you say, I think some people just have it easier. Some kids are easier than others.

Solidarity.

Awful isn’t it?😂These are the bits they don’t tell you before it’s too late! I dealt with an exploda-poo inside a massive cloth wrap, it
was little peeling an onion of poo! Ugh!

To be fair most people aren’t ‘baby wearing’ primary school children. They’re extremely heavy at that age and it would be really uncomfortable for most people. So while it may not necessarily be ‘bad behaviour’ to want to be carried (and I agree it’s basically normal and a bit OTT to even expect a 1 year old to walk all through town) the answer also isn’t lugging children around in your back till they’re in Year 2.

I'm aware it isn't the norm.

I'm referring to OP's 2 toddler children who requested to be carried. I'm saying the request is not naughty behaviour.

Mine are 13,12,12 and are still very noisy and eat loads and loads and loads.

I had a giant triple pram at one point, it was a godsend, they would all nap in it.

Oh dreeeeaaaammmm! I bought a bike trailer in the end even though I had no bike, and it was the most wonderful thing! They all just bundled in like puppies, they still love it (but I can't push them now 😂)

They slap and scratch their mum, scream for her to bring them the remote when they want to watch TV, and physically ripped the curtains off the window. I mean I do think ‘hell on earth’ is a bit harsh, but I don’t think it’s just regular toddler hijinks that should be ignored either.

I’ve agreed with you that not being able to walk that far isn’t naughty. I was disagreeing that the answer is carrying them round in baby carriers. A better solution would be getting a pram for them.

Op your comment about videos reminded me of something that helped me to cope when my dc were small and feral. I would imagine that we were being filmed for an audience so I had to be nice and try my best to sort them out without losing my temper or getting upset. It even worked sometimes.

Get a double pram, strap the little darlings in and never give in to demands of wanting to walk if you actually have to go somewhere or do something. Give nice snacks on demand to stop the screaming. If necessary give them coco melon on your phone or tablet so you can complete your tasks.
Then take them to the playground or soft play so they can run wild and free and you feel like the good parent that you are!
I'm a good mother and my kids have my undivided attention for a good 70% of the day, but I'm a SAHM and also have to to things, so they have to sit/play quietly sometimes too. This usually involves screens and snacks but it's always balanced by something else afterwards.
Going out with to young children alone is ridiculously hard. Just do what you can.
I do pretty much everything online.

I imagine everyone with that age gap has similar situations from time to time and those with different age gaps have some different struggles. I agree with a pp who said you expected too much of dc that age to walk to the bank and carrying 2 toddlers is rarely practical or easy. Especially if they aren't particularly compliant. A buggy would help you here.

Ah yes we had one of those at Centerparcs! I lusted after a cargo bike for them all, like they have in Holland, but it is too hilly here and I’m too lardy.

The child who is under 3, they need a stroller. I’d get a double stroller for them both or a buggy board for the 2.5yr old. The slapping and hurting needs nipping in the bud straight away, or they’ll think it’s ok to react like this towards you and towards other children. Do you have any hours at nursery for 2.5yr? It sounds like you need a break. Having 2 kids under 3yrs is tough going, I waited a few years between having mine for this exact reason. Looking after 1 toddler is hard enough. Definitely look into getting a few hours at nursery at least for the older one, and then you can have a bit of a break. The constant cleaning I’m afraid ime doesn’t stop until they’re in primary school, and even then it only eases a bit!

And I would never let them eat my breakfast, or any other meal actually, deadringer doesn't share food.

I'm currently using a buggy board for DD nearly 3, I've seen some people suggest they don't encourage kids to walk but no way would I go to the shops etc and hope she would walk the whole time! My house is a mess, kids often a bit of a mess. Tidy it up on an evening. I think what you have described is normal except for maybe the hitting and breaking the curtains. Do you get any break or respite from it? Sounds like everyone got a bit overwrought.

Erm the slapping scratching and ripping curtains down really isn’t the norm tbf

what happens when they rip curtains down, hit you etc ?

They're one and two years old.They don't need shouting at, firm discipline and punishments. Boundaries they DO need, but sensible age appropriate ones delivered in a sensitive way that they can actually understand and respond.Distraction and diversion are much better at that age when they do something they shouldn't.
Time out does nothing other than cause more disconnection.
Does each child get any alone time with you? Do they get lots of cuddles, playtime and positive interaction with you often? Sounds like they're bored and vying for attention to me, and you sound burnt out which isn't your fault as it must be hard, but isn't technically theirs either...they are only toddlers and you did choose to have them close in age.
If they aren't getting enough/the right sort of attention they will be more demanding.Also as one previous poster said, it seems like you're expecting too much from them for their age (and alot of the other posters seems to be doing so aswell tbh!)

@Sexismdoesntrule I have 4 under 5, and I understand where you are coming from. Sometimes, the day just goes from bad to worse, with everyone too frazzled to make good decisions.

And when there's two, what do you do if, while you are disciplining X for hitting, Y goes and pulls the curtains and meanwhile the eggs are burning. Small children require immediate consequences, and sometimes there are not enough hands.

If you'd like a couple of tips (you've probably thought of these already). Do as much as you can online. Take a pram/sling with you when you are out. Put stairgates in doorways, so you can keep them away from each /other, or from you, for 5 mins while you dish up lunch. Then you can give them your full attention once eggs are served.

Also, have starters at meal times, to keep them distracted while you serve up. A piece of fruit and water, or whatever. Because unsurprisingly, it's always meal prep times when they kick off.

I wonder if those suggesting 'have you told them that is not acceptable behaviour', 'why didn't you discipline them', or 'why didn't you ask them to help cook' have two close in age. I suspect they had kids long ago, just one, or maybe a big age gap. Because those things are great. And I'm sure you've tried them, but they don't always just magically stop the behaviour in the moment, do they? Sure sometimes they work first time, and in the long run, they'll help raise well behaved kids. But that doesn't mean that today, right now, at this lunch, they will immediately stop hitting, throwing, banging and shouting.

I hope tomorrow will be a better day. x

Also surely buggy plus snacks is the way forward for outings. Until the 2.5 year old is older, like reception age. Loads of people claim their 18 month olds walk miles but who gives a shit if you put a three year old in a stroller it helps you out and keeps you sane so do it

This is why they say the first couple of years will be hell if you have a small age gap. It’s supposed to get better and they’ll entertain each other.

Any SN? This behaviour sounds a bit much. Is this a typical day? If my 1yo is being a pain when out I will wrestle her into the buggy and give her a snack to settle her. The other reason she’d be screaming is if she’s tired so keeping walking would send her to sleep. I’d then pop the TV on or give them something to play with while I made the food. 1 yo likes to be given a wooden spoon and some pots to make a racket with. Snack if they are hungry and lunch will be a while.

its not clear if you’ve tried all this and it didn’t work but snacks are key here!

Oh jees op, poor you! You are in the absolute thick of it right now. TWO toddlers, both at once?

Do you want practical tips? I have those which could make your life easier, but if you just want a rant that’s fine.

@5moments

When X is shouting try whispering back

I don't have children, but I do work in senior leadership and this is a brilliant tip for conflict resolution.

It 'feels' normal that if somebody (adult or child) is being loud, you need to be louder to make them listen, but in fact the opposite is true.

When things are getting heated and voices start being raised, deliberately lower yours - absolutely whisper if you have to. Humans will automatically reduce their own volume and lean in to hear you. It's honestly like magic.

I was at a training event recently when a colleague of mine (who is a parent of young children) says he does this a lot and it almost always works.

Absolutely this.

Honestly all these people saying where's the discipline did NOT help me one bit, just made me feel even more useless when my kids were like this. Some days, you just want to sit in a corner and cry and just let them crack on. The gap between mine was a year more but it was fucking tough when they were little, really, really hard.

All I can say to you OP is that it does get easier, you will get slightly more sleep, you will feel more confident in your ways of dealing with them, and specifically what works for your children, but other peoples ideas of discipline did not work for mine! When mine were tiny my goal was to just get to the end of every day with everyone still alive. The house looked shit, still does a lot of the time (and it drives me mad) but we are generally a happy household, with a lot less stress.

The comments that a child under 3 doesn’t need a stroller or buggy board, that they need encouragement to walk, are ludicrous. I don’t drive and both my children used strollers until they were nearly 5! It’s a 2 mile walk to our nearest Aldi, and 2 miles back, so yes I had a 4 year old in a stroller when we walked to do our shopping. Can’t tell you how many dirty, judgemental looks we would get off women because I had a 4year old in a stroller, as they drove past with theirs strapped into car seats… 😏

Oh yes, I used to do this when my twins were toddlers. It was really really helpful. I'd also pretend to myself that I was a children's tv presenter (Katie from I Can Cook was my preference) interacting with children on the tv.