To think not everyone gets it think rough?

[Sexismdoesntrule]

X oldest 2.5
Y youngest 1.5

X not walking when we got to town, having to carry them both into the bank, them screaming all the way home from the bank, then shouting ‘where’s the remote’ repeatedly whilst I microwaved beans and made scrambled egg&cheese, Y screaming banging cupboards and my legs whilst I made it, putting it down for them on the table and X screaming about the remote still, refused to come to the table so I brought him there and he slapped me three times and scratched me, how I am starving because they ate my breakfast I made.. well licked it, and now I want food but I have to sort them out first, then Y is covered in beans along with the table so everything need to be cleaned. X refusing to eat anything even though he’s hungry, and to top it off they’ve now ripped the curtains down from in the kitchen and are running around the table chasing each other with it.. there’s food all over the floor and table it’s going to need a wash.

Why is MY life so loud, why can’t I have MY old life back where I could fulfil tasks in their entirety in silence. This is obscene, why isn’t videos of this used as contraceptive?

I feel your pain.

Mine don't do all of this stuff but they are 1 and 3 and the 1 year old has just started expressing herself with a SCREAM! I know it is likely a phase and will stop when she can express herself properly with words, and I do try and follow advice from parenting books etc, but when BOTH of them are tired/hungry/unwell at the same time and I get double tantrums, it can be pretty hellish! Like others said I am hoping the small age gap means we get through the tantrum stage quicker! DD 3.5 is winding down the tantrums now thankfully, just as DD 1.5 has found her voice :o

@MaryMcCarthy

Do you think puppies ever misbehave? They are learning. Of course they do. These are small children who are also learning. Comparing them to poorly trained animals is hairdly fair.

you need better straps.
Most high chair straps are just lap straps.
You can get a straps which are like a harness and do up at the back so they can't undo them.
You can attach them to any high chair/ booster -chair combination.

I do really encourage you to find a combination that works, because being able to sit them properly strapped in to a high chair with carrot sticks/crackers/apples etc in front of them while you finish cooking is life saving.

And same goes for buggy. get straps that work and then there are times when yes they have to be in the buggy strapped in.

Also, for our wild dc3 we had to put a stair gate on the kitchen as she was like a whirlwind and therefore dangerous to herself. It meant that I could safely cook while she was other side of the stair gate with toys.

Toddlers really are hard. Two at once is like herding cats.
Early childhood is absolutely relentless at times.
Hope you have a better day today

If you use a proper, strong harness, not the silly little high chair/buggy straps, they cannot climb out. I had 2 dc that could dismantle and escape from everything, but the old fashioned webbing harness attached to D rings was indestructible. The harness was put on in the morning with the rest of the clothes.
I used it for the reins, the shopping trolley, high chair, buggy.
Strap them in before you prep the food, get your own coat on etc. It is a temporary fix and keeps them safe and mum sane.

Id get a buggy that just pops up and down. You don't need a complicated pram that takes an age to put up at these ages and it would definitely be worth the effort then even for short tasks . Queues in the bank can be long too and isn't the place for loose toddlers. The baby jogger pushchairs simply open out in one piece when you lift them. It takes seconds to put them up and collapse back down. They come in both single and double. Easy to pick up second hand too

Oh I loved my baby jogger double. Sold it to a childminder and broke my heart 😂
They are really good for tall children so will last into the preschool years.
I didn’t use a buggy for one toddler, made him walk or scooter. In fact when he was just 2 I even refused to carry his scooter when he had had enough - looking back I was so harsh! But once you have 2 little ones a good buggy is so needed.

I had a McLaren stroller with a buggy board for the toddler. It was a carthorse, reliable and solid. Not a pretty thing but the bootspace was something to behold.

Actually, I think a lot of people do have it this rough with children this age. And you have two with a TINY age gap.

I had an age gap of 2.5 years but I found 2.5-3 years with a baby of 0-6m the absolute worst stage. I often felt like a bouncer rather than a parent. It was crowd control. It’s not called the ‘terrible twos’ for nothing. And in real life I know loads of other parents who had the same experience.

I remember searching for advice on MN back then and coming across posts like the ones you’ve had here about ‘discipline’ and ‘consequences’ and ‘blaming the parents’ and ‘training them like dogs’ and I couldn’t relate to them at all. I found 2.5 a very difficult age. He didn’t really have the language skills or rationality to fully understand expectations, or ‘consequences’ and ‘discipline’. But he was developed enough and physically strong enough to be strong willed.

All I can say it that a year later, at 3.5, it’s totally different and SO much easier. He’s much better able to understand expectations and consequences. To follow instructions and listen to reason. To think of other people before acting. That’s why the comparison with dogs is so stupid. Dogs aren’t constantly growing up and developing. Children are.

I know that doesn’t necessarily help you much because in a year’s time you’ll have another 2.5 year old but I think you’re at an incredibly challenging stage with an incredibly challenging age gap and potentially have children who are on the more challenging side of toddlerdom (there’s definitely a spectrum).

I would also try to find your tribe and be wary of taking parenting advice from people whose experience is a long way removed from your own because children are all different. For example, someone who has an only child who just happens to be really compliant, and thinks it’s all down to their fabulous parenting, is unlikely to be your best bet. Try to find other parents of toddler boys with a really small age gap.

@IAmTheWalrus85 thank you. You are great 😊

It gets better as they get older OP. Mine are late teens now and are great. I really did not enjoy the 0-5 years.

It gets easier if you join in and act crazier than them. 2 not too far dissimilar in age.
(turns out we all have adhd)

I don’t think it is about discipline a lot of the time but about putting in place things that stop some of the behaviour happening.
Locks on cupboard doors, a second hand or old remote just for them.

Never used the big table, I used to put down a blanket or washable rug then food was served either as an indoor picnic on the floor or their own little table and chair set (IKEA set got huge amount of use) was put on the rug and food served there

I never went without food.

We did have a dog which helped because ddog if food went uneaten or went on the floor she was only too willing to act as a hoover. It also meant that children if they were hungry would eat as leaving it too long and ddog would think it was hers.

Always took a pushchair with a buggy board everywhere and dc were always in reins with extendable dog leads attached so they could run but I was still in control.

Also I took down all curtains. Ds learned to walk at 9months and was climbing the curtains and jumping off the windowsill by 10 months and the curtain pole was beginning to bend.

I was a SAHM and had two close together and I think the key thing with that age is anticipate what they’re going to do and head them off at the pass every time.

If you know hunger is a trigger then feed them before or en-route. Make sure the tv and distraction toys are freely available whilst you’re preoccupied with the microwave. If you know they don’t like walking get a buggy and buggy board.

Tell them EVERYTHING that is going happen so it’s never a surprise - eg. “(Bright and breezy voice) Ok lovies, we are going to pop into town to the bank and we are going walk very nicely holding mummy’s hand. (Lower serious voice) The roads are VERY dangerous so it’s very very important that you walk nicely and hold mummy’s hand at all times.”

On the walk back - “ok you were brilliant and such good boys holding mummy’s hand on the way here so we are going to do it again, ooh look how many red cars can you spot? (Asks to be picked up) No you need to walk - ooh look is that a red car? That’s ooonnnee, is there another one? Twooo… etc”

“When we get back mummy is going to make lunch - how about some yummy beans? No? Well you’ll love them. Anyway we are going to go and wash our hands and see if you do a really good job? Ok? Good.”

And just instruct them constantly what you want them to do and how you expect them to behave. They are not young to understand tone and simple instructions. Praise praise praise, love, gush and hug when they comply (even over the smallest things) and ignore/go grey rock when they don’t. They soon learn which behaviour gets them the positive response.

I know people have said this is ‘normal’ which I guess it is but I never allowed my kids to scream and kick off uncontrollably. I got my lunch and was able to have a cup of coffee and chat to them while they played. They were calm and compliant. So it may be normal but it’s not inevitable if you anticipate the flash points and mitigate them as much as possible.

Second didn’t get to sleep until 9pm, only chance to do some work so didn’t go to sleep until 11.
Second wakes up 5am up crying (it’s the same blood curdling scream that he’s always done.. repeating mum mum mummy mum mum mummy)
Given a drink paracetamol and banana Because he feels like he’s got a temp

Mum mum mummy continues..

First wakes at 6 wanting a drink and porridge

My eyeballs ache so peppy pig saves me for 30 minutes whilst I come around.

Go downstairs at 630 to make porridge
both shouting and slamming cupboards whilst I make it, one repeating mummy mummy mummy

I make a coffee whilst making porridge

Start drinking coffee whilst they eat porridge slamming spoons, blowing raspberries and singing.. the noise is overload for my senses.

Half way through my coffee first needs the toilet but is struggling with their trousers so up and help them, sit back down second has finished food so I clean him up - new outfit and nappy - then he does a poo, get up change nappy. First is crying to go outside.. waving a leaking beaker everywhere.

Finish nappy and beaker disaster.

Get everyone outside, second takes a shit in the plastic play house.

…. I still haven’t finished my fucking coffee and I’ve been up 3 hours tending to every single need. Now they’re both crying because I have, quite rightly, relayed how disgusting it is to shit in the garden.

At least whilst there’s whining and crying I am not hearing mummy mummy mummy..

it might make you feel better by thinking you have control because you’re so on top of everything.. but it’s not about planning,

Typical child behaviour. People have it much much worse than you

Just to say hello hope you’re ok, it sounds incredibly hard. I have one 4 year old DS and it’s hard enough; I don’t know how people cope with more than one or with small age gaps.

Can you afford childcare? The routine and structure of nursery would help them and give them a break. Do you get much help from their Dad or any other family? Childcare is the reason most of us don’t crack up and I actually did crack up, but that’s another story.

So nothing has changed in the past six months? Didn't you take any of the good advice that was offered? You don't seem to realise that you can actually have a hand in improving your children's behaviour.

Ah yes thanks Purple, I will take all of this excellent advice and make sure my child knows to do his shit in the old nappy when my other child isn’t causing carnage elsewhere - got it

That's only one part of your post. If ypu want to just vent, you're better off posting in parenting. But you seem to be doing nothing but writing long posts complaining instead of learning how to parent them properly (shouting ain't it, by the way).

Also, not that you actually want helpful advice, but you can get earplugs that reduce the noise and help you stay calmer.

Where did I say I’d shouted ?

You might have forgotten, it was 6 months ago. But by all means, only focus on that bit.

So things have obviously changed, but by all means focus on 6 months ago 😂

Since you're posting the same whinge, different day, how exactly have they changed?

It’s not the same.. though is it.

Today is toddlers overloading my senses with things that aren’t really in anyone’s control.

but by all means, be as opposing as possible to a stranger online who clearly says they are feeling overwhelmed..

hope your days gets better🙃

This is par for the course with two little toddlers! It’s rough, but it passes.

When I was a kid my Mum made a divider for our double buggy herself out of wood (seriously!) so me and my sibling (a year younger) couldn’t see each other, as we fought constantly. There were no fancy buggy options in the 70s.

Fast forward a couple of years and we were the best of friends and both quite biddable children.

Under fives are hard work.