To think not everyone gets it think rough?

[Sexismdoesntrule]

X oldest 2.5
Y youngest 1.5

X not walking when we got to town, having to carry them both into the bank, them screaming all the way home from the bank, then shouting ‘where’s the remote’ repeatedly whilst I microwaved beans and made scrambled egg&cheese, Y screaming banging cupboards and my legs whilst I made it, putting it down for them on the table and X screaming about the remote still, refused to come to the table so I brought him there and he slapped me three times and scratched me, how I am starving because they ate my breakfast I made.. well licked it, and now I want food but I have to sort them out first, then Y is covered in beans along with the table so everything need to be cleaned. X refusing to eat anything even though he’s hungry, and to top it off they’ve now ripped the curtains down from in the kitchen and are running around the table chasing each other with it.. there’s food all over the floor and table it’s going to need a wash.

Why is MY life so loud, why can’t I have MY old life back where I could fulfil tasks in their entirety in silence. This is obscene, why isn’t videos of this used as contraceptive?

I have 3 and mine don’t behave like this.

At 2.5 and 1.5 you could be making your life so much easier by using a double buggy in town instead of having to carry both if they don’t want to walk.

Ok, got it. You need different consequences because what you're doing isn't working.

Let's keep going because we're actually getting somewhere helpful - you're absolutely going to be fine here.

if X hurts Y he gets time out
Why didn't he get one for hitting you?

screams at the top of his lungs the whole time though so it’s personally torture for me
Explain that he doesn't come off until he does the time without screaming. He'll soon learn to stop screaming. After he's sat there for an hour, he'll learn that screaming doesn't get him what he wants.

Y was moved away from the cupboard 4 times whilst I tried to warm up some food, given something else
Clearly Y wasn't sufficiently distracted. What did he actually want from this behaviour? Why was he doing it? What need wasn't being met? What was the consequence for continuing?

they even have a cupboard they can ransack that doesn’t have locks on it but of course that’s the least interesting one
So, they're allowed to bang the cupboard doors but also not allowed to bang the cupboard doors? One rule - no banging the cupboard doors. The boundaries are confusing.

X was helped to look for the remote for a few minutes but I couldn’t find it so said we would after lunch
Ok, fine enough. But why did he need it and how was it left? You said you'd look after lunch and how did he respond to that? Was he just left to look by himself? Did you give him another activity to do?

I went back in to tell him to stop screaming 2 times
And, when he didn't stop, what did you do? Where was the consequence?

I put him back in a seated position on the chair and shouted ‘do not do that to ANYONE’ he just cried until he said sorry and kissed my hand
So, no actual consequence, just you getting distressed and then him getting distressed?

I do as much as possible to reduce the noise and hysteria.
You're working really bloody hard. You're clearly overwhelmed. You just need more consistent systems. This is all so fixable.

That sounds really tough. ((Hugs))

I don't know whether you are in the mood for humour, but here's the contraceptive ad you were wondering about:

You aren't alone.

How easy did you find it moving around and doing tasks in the home or walking into town with a 1.5yr old and a 2.5yr old strapped to your body? Mine were 19 months apart so slightly easier to deal with than the OP's two, what age gap did you have?

I used a sling for one and my arms for the other temporarily, but the idea of being saddled with two for any length of time seems insane? I can't understand how life would work, but I am going to go for a google!

I was you quite recently OP and I know the stress. It's HARD.

It will end, mine are 4 and 5 now and can play nicely together 50% of the time. They still cause chaos and mess but I'll take that for the 15 minutes of relative peace I get. If it's so bad I shove them in the bath together for a bit, is that an option?

Online banking where possible, putting into childcare as soon as you can and getting shopping delivered are the best ways to remove some of the stress. It's helped me a lot. And our double buggy was a godsend when we were out, I wish I still had it sometimes as my eldest is still a bit of a flight risk.

But yeah some discipline is needed for the hitting and scratching. My eldest still does it occasionally and it's an immediate time out in her room until she calms down. The rule is that if you never hurt anyone on purpose and if you do you're away from us until you can control yourself and apologise. It wasn't instant and it does still happen but the episodes are shorter and less frequent now.

Screaming and shouting are normal, especially when they can't properly communicate yet. Just hang tight. Your house will be messy and you'll think you're losing your mind but it'll work out. The joys of a small age gap!

Why would you think it's interesting or constructive to say something like that?

When you have a small gap the first few years are very hard. There is no getting around that unless you somehow win the lottery with unusually docile and compliant children. You just have to grit your teeth and get through it, doing the best you can. There are always sweet moments in the midst of the chaos.

It gets easier and easier. The hell on earth constant noise and messiness days get rarer and rarer and those sweet moments of them playing nicely together etc. get more and more common. In a few years you could well be sitting quietly having a cup of tea listening to the cute chatter of your two kids absorbed playing lego together. Of course it will never be 100% like that but the balance shifts. Hang in there!

Did the children eat before you left for the bank or was this the first meal of the day?

Just wondering as you refer to it as breakfast.

If they didn't eat (or only ate a small rubbishy snack) I think you may find that is certainly not helping things.

Alot of the behaviour sounds like it's overtired/over hungry escalated behaviour.

Some days are shit. I had 3 under 2. The oldest was angelic but only if he had 100% of my attention. Throw another baby or two into the mix and even the best behaved child will start to channel dark demons.

best advice I had was deal with the child/thing that you can sort the quickest.

Sounds normal, but it’s still shit. I’m with you today. Been to playgroup and threatened to leave early. YDC napping and older DC stuck in front of the telly whilst I try and hide for a bit in the front room, alone!

Sorry, that was meant to be in reply to one of the obnoxious sanctimonious comments on here. OP, you sound like you are having it rough. This is what CBeebies is for. Also, you might be able to get some support from your local Homestart organisation to get a bit of a break occasionally. Also, I don't know if you have a playpen or a travel cot you can put one in in the kitchen but if you can, it might be worth trying.

how is the op struggling through the bank carrying two children calm or gentle?

Where did I say it was?

OP this sounds so much like when mine were 2,1,1. In retrospect, I think they were likely overtired a lot of the time. Do you guys do a lot of out and abouting?

I wouldn't expect mine to walk in a safe and orderly way until 4/5. It's not like you've only got 1 to attend to.
I have fully carried all 3 of mine before to just safely get where we're going.
Maybe buggy more?

Mine are now 6,6,7 and we are still SO LOUD when we're out. Fortunately we live city centre and just blend in 😂
But I have found parenting will do WONDERS for your embarrassment threshold...

Haarrrrrrr ha ha.

I bought into this when I had my first and then thought I could keep him in a back-carry and put the twins on the front. Was ok until we must have reached some sort of weight/pressure critical mass and I suddenly farted and wet myself.

Some stuff your standards are too high. I wouldn’t expect a 1 year old (basically a baby) to walk long distances. I would have brought a pram. Same for eating - I wouldn’t expect a 1 year old to confidently eat something in sauce, like beans, without making any mess at all.

Some stuff your standards are too low. If my kids were screaming at me to bring them the remote I would put the remote away in the high up cupboard in front of them. Rude behaviour. Same with running round trashing things - they’d be sat out on the step then helping to tidy things up.

It gets easier, even though it doesn't seem like it at the time. I had 3 under 4 and this was a daily occurrence in our lives. It was overwhelming and a struggle but they are much older now and it is lovely having them so close. They still fight at times but it is 10x more manageable.

@closingloop Sorry I didn't mean OP should carry her children, I was just pointing out that them being requested to be carried isn't bad behaviour and forcing them in a buggy isn't necessarily discipline them.

I babywear my almost 5yo, I only have one dc but do occasionally wear my 5yo and friend's 4yo. One on the back. I'm not suggesting OP do this though, it's not for everyone 😁

Mine are 13,12,12 and are still very noisy and eat loads and loads and loads.

I had a giant triple pram at one point, it was a godsend, they would all nap in it.

Same for scratching and smacking you - it’s not acceptable and I would have sat him out by himself and ignored his tantrum while lunch was happening.

@Parrotid Glad I haven't experienced that 😁 although have had an occasion where I was bursting for the toilet as I approach home and couldn't get everything (including carrier) off quick enough

To be fair most people aren’t ‘baby wearing’ primary school children. They’re extremely heavy at that age and it would be really uncomfortable for most people. So while it may not necessarily be ‘bad behaviour’ to want to be carried (and I agree it’s basically normal and a bit OTT to even expect a 1 year old to walk all through town) the answer also isn’t lugging children around in your back till they’re in Year 2.

'Yours sound like hell on earth' what a nasty thing to say about two toddlers....this post is about a TWO year old and a ONE year old....not unruly teenagers

Honestly I just don't think shouting and time outs are effective. Look up Big Little Feelings on Instagram for some ideas. Google and look into gentle or authoritative parenting.

When X is shouting try whispering back. The hitting thing sounds like frustration. I would have spoken to him and tried to work out what was frustrating him, acknowledged it. Spoken to him about hitting and moved myself away if he did hit, telling him why.

And fuck cooking breakfast when you have two toddlers. Toast with some honey or peanut butter, sit down at the table with some of those magic marker books and eat.

Well it's not all like this....there are plenty of positive rewarding moments too.

It's easy to look back at those halcyon days of two toddlers with rose tinted glasses - it will get better I promise!

I will say - make things easier for yourself - buggy and buggyboard. Neither of your kids is old enough to walk far, so don't try. Get reins as well, so if they do want to get out for a wander you can hold onto them.
Get a spare remote for the older one to play with. Hell, I have a spare one I saved for my nephew I can send if you like.

@Sexismdoesntrule today is a write off. Just let it go. You'll have good days and bad days and this is a bad one.

But tomorrow will be better. Sometimes with the best will in the world things have to happen that you can't gently plan for so you have hours to get stuff done - sometimes you have to get in and out the bank for whatever reason. And it sucks. But tomorrow - tomorrow you don't have to go to the bank. So feed them up with toast and omelette (omelette better than scrambled IMO) take them to the park IN THE BUGGY so they can hair around like arseholes then bring them back exhausted for a nap. Make sure you have a chocolate bar on standby to have with your cup of tea. Congratulate self on once again, keeping two children alive.

Sincerely - mum of now teenage twins who decided when they were TWO to have a third.