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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

First Christmas with new baby, husband didn't get me a card/present/anything from baby

300 replies

Spottingtwerps · 11/01/2023 08:38

We have an 11mo. We are older parents, she will be my only baby and I have had a m/c previously so this is a v precious baby.

I bought my husband a "daddy" card and present from the baby. Baby signed his card with a handprint that I did which took bloody ages as a keepsake. He got me nothing.

He gave baby a card, just from him. The card I gave her was from both of us. He said that his card was for her memory box.

So everyone gets keepsakes except me.

AIBU to be upset that husband got me nothing from the baby or even signed her name in his card or even thought about me??

OP posts:
astronewt · 11/01/2023 08:40

Errr. I'm really not sure that most people would have thought to send you a card or present "from the baby". If DH had complained I hadn't sent him a Christmas card "from the baby", I would have given him one hell of a weird look.

Haus1234 · 11/01/2023 08:41

This isn’t something I would personally expect my DH to do. However, it seems to be something that’s important to you so I would tell him nicely so he knows for next time.

Wellnowlookhere · 11/01/2023 08:42

I think it’s weird you sent your 11 month old a card. That you would have had to open. And read out. To an 11 month old.

Zola1 · 11/01/2023 08:44

He probably just didn't even think about it.. just tell him your expectations in advance of your birthday, mother's day etc. Then no one can have crossed wires.

Coffeellama · 11/01/2023 08:45

Did he get you anything from him? What did he do on your birthday?

Maybe he just doesn’t see the point, because it’s not from the baby. He may not love the ones you give him ‘from the baby’ either. As your baby grows up you will get loads of lovely keepsakes, drawings and cards made at school, the one from your DH signed from the baby wouldn’t have seemed as significant anyway.

Martialisthebestpup · 11/01/2023 08:46

No that’s not an obvious thing for him to do.
Just tell him you’d like him to organize a present from your child to you for Christmas, birthday, Mother’s day (literally list all the occasions that are important to you). I’m guessing your family did this growing up and as kids you had increasing involvement in picking out the presents for your parents? Not all families do this and it wouldn’t necessarily occur to someone from a family like that that they should get a gift for the other parent on behalf of a baby too young to understand what’s going on.

Bonheurdupasse · 11/01/2023 08:46

Did he give you an actual Christmas present from himself?

Coffeellama · 11/01/2023 08:47

Wellnowlookhere · 11/01/2023 08:42

I think it’s weird you sent your 11 month old a card. That you would have had to open. And read out. To an 11 month old.

It’s not something I’d do. But an 11 month old can open a card and tare a paper envalope (assuming she made it easy to open), and they like pictures and waving around bits of card. Really not that weird.

stealthninjamum · 11/01/2023 08:47

I don’t think me or exh got each other cards or presents from dc when they were babies, I just wouldn’t think to do it. I think it’s a bit of a non issue.

Namechangeforthis88 · 11/01/2023 08:47

I have an only. I had a m/c before. It never occurred to either of us to get each other cards or gifts from baby for first Christmas. This mattered to you but you accidentally set expectations in your mind that your DH would only find out about when he failed to meet them. In future best to talk these things through before your disappointed.

FWIW, DH was brought up without Christmas stockings. It matters to me to there came a year when I asked him to get me some stocking fillers. He has got into it now and it's a favourite part of the big day for all 3 of us now.

Aprilx · 11/01/2023 08:47

I must say I also thought it was very odd that you both got a card for a baby. I have never given a Christmas card to somebody who lives in the same house as I do.

I think you can just talk to him about doing something from the baby on birthdays, Mother’s Day going forward.

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 11/01/2023 08:48

We have never done presents from the children. But clearly you had a different expectation. Don't you and your DH discuss things like that?

SlagathaChristie · 11/01/2023 08:48

I'm not sure how common that is. My dh and I didn't do that with our 9 month old this Christmas, although I did do gifts (chocolate) "from baby" to grandparents to say thank-you for all the nice time spent together/babysitting etc.

FavouriteDogMug · 11/01/2023 08:50

Getting something "from the baby" is a nice gesture but it's not something that is so widely done that you should expect your DH to do it. To be honest it's just a gift from the other parent, the baby doesn't really understand anything about it. In terms of memories some nice photos of the baby and maybe saving a special Christmas outfit or toy would be just as good.

IglesiasPiggl · 11/01/2023 08:52

The weird thing that stands out here is him giving the baby a card just from him. It should be from both of you or not at all. There seems to be quite a lot of undercurrents around the significance of card giving in your house - you need to have a conversation with your DH about how you will handle it as there are a lot of birthdays and Christmases to come.

kitcat15 · 11/01/2023 08:52

No absolutely never have I done this with my 3 children....or my DD with hers......my eldest GD was 6 this Christmas so made her own card for Daddy.......at 11 months no way......why did you expect this? Why is it relevant that you are older with only one child?

saraclara · 11/01/2023 08:52

Getting something "from the baby" is a nice gesture but it's not something that is so widely done that you should expect your DH to do it

That. I imagine it wasn't that he didn't care, he just didn't know that it was a thing that (some) people do.

BarbaraofSeville · 11/01/2023 08:53

Sending Christmas cards to and from babies is weird and wasteful. When she is old enough to understand what it means, she will despair at the waste and general attitude to destroying the planet that she will inhabit long after you are gone.

But seeing that you've been together long enough to marry and be parents to an 11 MO, there must be some 'history' as far as Christmas and birthdays go, so how has that been? Does he get you gifts for those? And now Mothers Day?

How is he a DH generally, in terms of being loving and kind and putting in equal effort into your relationship, parenting, domestic work etc? Because I've known a few men who've been shit partners, who think that as long as they produce generous, and often public, gifts at Christmas, birthdays, Valentines Day etc, that's enough, when their behaviour the other 360 days of the year is severely lacking and what really counts.

HeddaGarbled · 11/01/2023 08:53

It’s your first Christmas with the baby so you haven’t sorted out your traditions yet. You need to talk to each other and agree what you’ll do in future.

TheChosenTwo · 11/01/2023 08:54

dh and I have never done this. Seems a waste of time, energy and resources for a baby who’s not even 1. I don’t send Christmas cards to anyone ever but I’d think it very strange writing one to someone who lives in my house.
We do presents from the dc when they are old enough to choose something - because it’s FROM the child.
Speak to him and ask him in advance next time so everyone’s expectations are managed.

WandaWonder · 11/01/2023 08:57

We just got something from our child when our child was old enough to do us drawing, pick something out themselves.

I never thought about dh doing something for me, or I him from our child

Hapoydayz · 11/01/2023 08:58

Seems odd he got a card for the baby and signed it only from him. I’d add my name to it before it goes in the memory box!

Shoxfordian · 11/01/2023 08:59

Did he get you anything from him? It sounds like he’s been a bit thoughtless

AlwaysBelieveInYourSoul · 11/01/2023 09:00

OMG. Really. You want your DH to send a card pretending it's from your baby?? If you want a keepsake of your baby's first Christmas, organise one.
When your child is older, speak to your DH about how you would like him to help the child get you birthday/ Christmas cards/presents. When the child is of an age to actually have some input, then it will be meaningful.
And all our babies are v precious.

DappledThings · 11/01/2023 09:02

Everything about this is weird. Buying a card for a baby, buying a card for anyone you live with, buying cards separately for people you love with, expecting a fake card from a baby. YABVU.