First Christmas with new baby, husband didn't get me a card/present/anything from baby

[Spottingtwerps]

We have an 11mo. We are older parents, she will be my only baby and I have had a m/c previously so this is a v precious baby.

I bought my husband a "daddy" card and present from the baby. Baby signed his card with a handprint that I did which took bloody ages as a keepsake. He got me nothing.

He gave baby a card, just from him. The card I gave her was from both of us. He said that his card was for her memory box.

So everyone gets keepsakes except me.

AIBU to be upset that husband got me nothing from the baby or even signed her name in his card or even thought about me??

Maybe we need a POB too...

(Precious only born)

They are all precious, there's no arguing that.. but I think it's perfectly understandable for some of those with struggles to parenthood to approach things differently

An eye for fashion from a young age! 😂
Now, does DH ever wear it? To lure you, perhaps?

Sorry OP, your husband hasn’t done anything wrong imo, but I understand you feeling disappointed when you went to extra effort and that keepsakes are important to you.
It’s your first Christmas as a trio, and unless you discussed this in advance, how was he supposed to know?

YABU to feel upset. Unfortunately not everyone has the same thought process as you, or puts the same value on sentimental things.

I am a very sentimental person. But I always always talk about this before Christmas. How much we are spending, are we doing presents, are we getting each other something small from the baby. It might ruin the surprise for some, (although we never know what the other person is buying) but it avoids disappointment on the day.

A counsellor once told me that if we don't outline our expectations in any relationship, it's unreasonable to be upset when the person doesn't meet our expectations.

If it matters so much why didn’t you just say that you were planning to buy him a gift from the baby? he doesn’t live inside your head and it’s not like there’s a precedent. Unless perhaps you have pets you do this with? YABU, just move on and remind him of your plans next year at the start of Dec.

Sorry that should say YANBU to feel upset. 🙈 But you can take steps to avoid it happening again!

My husband actually got me a gift from the baby. I hadn't got him anything, it didn't occur to me!

Luckily we put gifts under the tree before Christmas day so I noticed and had time to sort something!

I think some people just don't think like this, as you'll see from previous responses.

If it's important to you, tell him clearly for future occasions.

We give presents from the DC so I would've been hurt in your shoes but unless it's part of a wider picture just put it down to miscommunication and ask him to get you something small in future from the baby. I think it's important tbh, and as they get older they can get involved in choosing and wrapping etc.

Mine are 4 and 2 now (two of them, easily conceived, but just as loved and valued as yours, don't think otherwise) and they really enjoyed that aspect of Christmas this year. It's very sweet.

That's sad OP. I don't think it's unreasonable to want your husband to be more thoughtful. Mumsnet is funny about these things but in reality I think most people get their other half something "from the baby".

Didn’t occur to either of us to get each other a card from our baby! What a funny idea- he is 3 and we honestly never thought of it!

Christmas cards to/from babies who you live with? This is a problem I never thought to have.

Why didn't you just tell him? My DH is lovely, great dad and husband but would never have thought to do this so I just said we'll start getting something small from our toddler to each other. Toddler didn't fully understand but helped us wrap the presents for the other parent. It's something I quite like but yes, I did have to tell DH and he was then fine with it and did it too.

A baby who can’t even talk it’s pointless, it is really cute and special when you can take them into a shop snd say choose a card for mummy/daddy , what chocolate shall we get them etc. By about 2 they can have an opinion and it actually means something.

The bottom line is you had certain expectations - which are absolutely fine, but they are not necessarily things that are "obvious" to other people. They are certainly not society-wide expectations that you can just expect your husband to know about without telling him (as opposed to, say, the expectation that he buy you a Christmas present from him). So if that's the way you want things to be then there's no problem with that, but you have to TELL HIM. Not just quietly sit there expecting it to happen and then get upset when it doesn't. That's not fair.

Why do people think this is so weird?
Cards and presents from babies/young children is perfectly normal. Do your babies and young children not get you anything for mothers day or fathers day either?
Fortunately Mothers' Day came before Fathers' Day for DC1 as I never would have thought to buy a gift and pretend it was from the baby. DH did it for Mothers' Day for me so I got the heads up he would like the same. Honestly I do find it a little weird when they are that little.

Such a silly thing to get worked up about.

Did you tell him to buy you one on behalf of the baby or did you expect him to read your mind?

Set clear expectations for next year of it's important to you and move on.

Totally agree.

He probably didn’t think of it. My DH didn’t give me anything from my then 3 month old DS at Xmas. It didn’t even cross my mind that he should.

Once DS what about 3 or 4, and could actually understand things like Mothers Day, they’d co-sign Mothers Day cards and presents. But not before DS was 3-4, and I wouldn’t have expected it.

Oh goodness - I think you are being a bit prickly here. Your poor OH seems to be under scrutiny in an unacceptable way. Give the poor chap a break!

I can relate to the OP here. I had 6 miscarriages before my first daughter was born. I am also an older mum so I didn't think I would ever have children. She was born a few months before Christmas and it was wonderful. I got my husband a personalised gift and a card from her because and I didn't get anything.

I was hurt but I got over it as I always do. But I do think it would have been nice to have something for my first ever Christamas as a mummy.

For all of you who are saying it is a waste of a card - did you not buy Father's day or Birthday cards for your partners when the kids were too young to write themselves?

Is this a joke?

If you get upset because one small thing that no one ever expects, you have a lifetime of disappointment ahead of you.

I would find this really sad OP. Your first Christmas as a new parent and you didn't get anything 'to mummy'. Some people might not be into that (and no doubt they find themselves very superior as a result) but plenty are. Since DS was born we got little gifts to and from him to one another. Just part of him joining the family and felt lovely to open even though he obviously didn't have a clue about any of it.

Let this be a lesson to communicate for the future. Communicate what you're wanting/expecting from special days like this. Saves a lot of heartache.

You sound hard work!

It would never have occurred to me to give DH a card from our babies or that I should receive one from them. Mother and Fathers’s day, yes of course but a Christmas card, no.

Not that many men would think to do this OP.

I told DH that I expected a thoughtful gift 'from the baby' for her first Christmas and for Mother's Day. Not sure if he would have thought about it himself but I would rather make my expectations clear in advance than be upset on the day.

It might not be important to a lot of people but it was important to me, I don't know why some posters are being so scathing about it.