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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

First Christmas with new baby, husband didn't get me a card/present/anything from baby

300 replies

Spottingtwerps · 11/01/2023 08:38

We have an 11mo. We are older parents, she will be my only baby and I have had a m/c previously so this is a v precious baby.

I bought my husband a "daddy" card and present from the baby. Baby signed his card with a handprint that I did which took bloody ages as a keepsake. He got me nothing.

He gave baby a card, just from him. The card I gave her was from both of us. He said that his card was for her memory box.

So everyone gets keepsakes except me.

AIBU to be upset that husband got me nothing from the baby or even signed her name in his card or even thought about me??

OP posts:
FruitTwistandShake · 11/01/2023 10:13

Wow - people read one post from someone and somehow have their whole personalities figured out. Just because it is not important to you doesn't mean you should be rude!

10HailMarys · 11/01/2023 10:15

All of this sounds weird and daft to me. Your baby doesn't understand what Christmas is or how presents work yet. When she does, absolutely your DH should arrange a little present for her to hand over to you, but more for her sake than for yours really.

Getting Christmas cards for a baby is also not really a thing. By all means do it if you want, but it's not a standard thing!

howaboutchocolate · 11/01/2023 10:18

DappledThings · 11/01/2023 09:55

Why do people think this is so weird?
Cards and presents from babies/young children is perfectly normal. Do your babies and young children not get you anything for mothers day or fathers day either?
Fortunately Mothers' Day came before Fathers' Day for DC1 as I never would have thought to buy a gift and pretend it was from the baby. DH did it for Mothers' Day for me so I got the heads up he would like the same. Honestly I do find it a little weird when they are that little.

DH got me a card and small present for mother's day off DD before she was even born (to be fair she was due just before mothers day and was late). It was lovely and thoughtful and he wrote a sweet message in the card.
It's not about pretending something is from the baby, it's recognition of everyone in the family participating in your celebrations.

Calphurnia88 · 11/01/2023 10:18

I have a 10mo. It didn't even cross my mind to do this 😬

MotherOfHouseplants · 11/01/2023 10:18

I understand why this would be important to you, OP, but it isn't usual practice and it's not your DH's fault that he didn't think to do anything. You need to communicate how you want to approach significant events. We don't do Valentines in our house but some people like to do Valentines cards within families. If you would like one 'from' your baby you need to tell him now.

Wbeezer · 11/01/2023 10:19

DH and I never did any of that, photos are the only keepsakes we bothered with for babies at Christmas. But then we don't give each other cards at Christmas either!

Folklore9074 · 11/01/2023 10:22

Really odd. We have a little one, also had a difficult road to parenthood. Wouldn’t occur to either of us to do cards/presents from the baby. Honestly, we were both too burned out this year to even do presents to each other and it was no big deal. Be clear and tell him for next time if this is something you expect. But also perhaps reflect on what this kind of gift giving means, if there is any real value or authenticity in it?

Original poster
Spottingtwerps · 11/01/2023 10:22

I should add that for my birthday in November he bought a card and gift from the baby. So it is smthg that we do and he's done it.

OP posts:
DappledThings · 11/01/2023 10:25

Wbeezer · 11/01/2023 10:19

DH and I never did any of that, photos are the only keepsakes we bothered with for babies at Christmas. But then we don't give each other cards at Christmas either!

I've never given Christmas cards to close family I'm seeing at Christmas. Never knew it was a thing till I met DH. Now we get a Son&DIL one from PIL, a brother and SIL one from SIL, DC get grandson/daughter and niece/nephew ones and DH arranges Aunty/Grandparents/Mum&Dad ones and we all open them with presents. Will never not find that weird.

thewayround · 11/01/2023 10:26

You started a thread three days ago Op about a massive argument with him and you threw him out.

Sounds like a shit show. And really the one one I feel sympathy for is the poor baby involved in this carnage

www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4681931-husband-left-and-disappeared-for-8-hours-after-argument?postsby=Spottingtwerps

Riverlee · 11/01/2023 10:26

Zola1 · 11/01/2023 08:44

He probably just didn't even think about it.. just tell him your expectations in advance of your birthday, mother's day etc. Then no one can have crossed wires.

My thoughts as well.

TheOrigRights · 11/01/2023 10:26

Spottingtwerps · 11/01/2023 10:22

I should add that for my birthday in November he bought a card and gift from the baby. So it is smthg that we do and he's done it.

If it's a thing in your family then of course you have reason to be upset.
Maybe you need to make your expectations clearer to him though.
I can sort of see it being something that's done for your Birthday as that is your day, but Xmas is a day of celebration for everyone.

Original poster
Spottingtwerps · 11/01/2023 10:29

For everyone saying its weird and I'm weird for buying a card or expecting a card for anyone I live with or a baby, the shops are full of cards for husbands, wives, sons, daughters, partners and anyone else you love with. If it was weird, it would be unusual to find such a card, it isn't. It was her first Christmas, so I got her a babys first Christmas card, as did some other relatives. Again, not weird, readily available and perfectly normal. We do cards for every birthday, anniversary and have bought each other husband/wife cards etc all previous Christmases.

OP posts:
Fairylightsandstuff · 11/01/2023 10:31

Did he buy you a present from him? Or did you get each other presents?

ACynicalDad · 11/01/2023 10:31

I remember saying to my wife that I'd got my mum a mothers day card and she asked about hers, which reminded me she was now a mother too. If you aren't used to doing it then it's not front of mind. You should have said something like the baby's got you something special even if you didn't want an outright conversation. The baby will make cards for you once they are at nursery/preschool/primary.

Fedupofdiets · 11/01/2023 10:31

Reading your other post about him being a nob on your birthday I think you have bigger issues than a Christmas card from your baby.

JudgeJ · 11/01/2023 10:31

astronewt · 11/01/2023 08:40

Errr. I'm really not sure that most people would have thought to send you a card or present "from the baby". If DH had complained I hadn't sent him a Christmas card "from the baby", I would have given him one hell of a weird look.

Oddly enough my late OH wasn't good with presents etc., I got a Terry chocolate orange for my 50th and when we decided to buy our own Christmas presents he couldn't even decide what he wanted himself, however round my neck I have a silver chain which our 6 month old first baby 'gave' me on her first Christmas, she's now 45 and I've never taken it off. The second baby didn't 'give' me a first Christmas gift though, novelty worn off maybe!

Oysterbabe · 11/01/2023 10:32

On your other thread you said

I reached a point where after several spoiled birthdays/anniversaries/other special days I've had enough and it would be easier to just not bother any more. Not childish, I actually mean it.

So he has form for this and maybe he took you at your word to not bother.

thewayround · 11/01/2023 10:32

Spottingtwerps · 11/01/2023 10:29

For everyone saying its weird and I'm weird for buying a card or expecting a card for anyone I live with or a baby, the shops are full of cards for husbands, wives, sons, daughters, partners and anyone else you love with. If it was weird, it would be unusual to find such a card, it isn't. It was her first Christmas, so I got her a babys first Christmas card, as did some other relatives. Again, not weird, readily available and perfectly normal. We do cards for every birthday, anniversary and have bought each other husband/wife cards etc all previous Christmases.

What’s weird is posting this Op

when according to your other thread you kicked him out a couple of days ago

Original poster
Spottingtwerps · 11/01/2023 10:33

Everything about this is weird? Every card shop has cards for husband/wife/ son/ daughter every Christmas. I would therefore not think this is weird.

It was babys first Christmas, was special and he managed it for my birthday without any prompting from me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Spottingtwerps · 11/01/2023 10:34

Isn't also "weird" I sent cards to her grandparents from her, with her handprint so they have something nice to keep. Nothing here is "weird". It might not be what you do but weird, it is not.

OP posts:
Original poster
Spottingtwerps · 11/01/2023 10:36

She got several cards from people and had great fun opening them and ripping the paper from her presents. I suppose it's weird we got her presents too, judging by many of the comments here 🙄

OP posts:
thewayround · 11/01/2023 10:36

Spottingtwerps · 11/01/2023 10:34

Isn't also "weird" I sent cards to her grandparents from her, with her handprint so they have something nice to keep. Nothing here is "weird". It might not be what you do but weird, it is not.

It IS weird to kick someone out

and then three days later start a thread about present giving a fortnight ago

MotherOfHouseplants · 11/01/2023 10:38

Well don't tell us, OP. Tell him.

Original poster
Spottingtwerps · 11/01/2023 10:38

Because this baby is precious, as I said, very wanted and it's a big deal that I managed to conceive. There won't be anymore and it's a miracle there's even one. I am approaching 50.

OP posts: