Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

First Christmas with new baby, husband didn't get me a card/present/anything from baby

300 replies

Spottingtwerps · 11/01/2023 08:38

We have an 11mo. We are older parents, she will be my only baby and I have had a m/c previously so this is a v precious baby.

I bought my husband a "daddy" card and present from the baby. Baby signed his card with a handprint that I did which took bloody ages as a keepsake. He got me nothing.

He gave baby a card, just from him. The card I gave her was from both of us. He said that his card was for her memory box.

So everyone gets keepsakes except me.

AIBU to be upset that husband got me nothing from the baby or even signed her name in his card or even thought about me??

OP posts:
Nosleepforthismum · 11/01/2023 12:44

I would suggest you are being a little over sensitive. If these things are important to you I think you need to communicate this clearly to your DH as I think it’s something most people (men and women) wouldn’t even consider doing. I’d be surprised if my DH expressed upset that I hadn’t got him a present or a card from our 18 month old but if I knew it was important to him I’d make the effort to arrange something for the following year.

LaLuz7 · 11/01/2023 12:47

Spottingtwerps · 11/01/2023 12:29

Nowhere do I say that or refer to that. You're assuming. Now I will assume you've not bothered to read any updates.

Show quote history

If you weren't still upset about you you wouldn't be here posting about it. So the logical conclusion is that it bothers you still.

Your defensiveness is quite something...

BodyShapeWoes · 11/01/2023 12:48

@Spottingtwerps you seem to be getting a really hard time Flowers

Its not weird at all, my dc 1 got was only a baby at Father’s Day but I did a card and present from her to dh, also at Christmas, my parents get cards from the kids they have designed at school 🤷‍♀️

I would probably be upset as well but unless I’d told dh that’s what I wanted he wouldn’t have done it!

GreetingsToTheNewBrunette · 11/01/2023 12:51

Blooming heck! OP yes you have a right to be upset but surely the memories are what you’ll hold dear, not a card that will be put aside in the loft and forgotten about? If you got babies first Christmas bits then that’s what you should be using to remember and look back on.

I think you need to take a step back from this thread it’s clearly upsetting you

LaLuz7 · 11/01/2023 12:59

If your attitude on this thread is indicative of your attitude within your marriage... ooof

So much defensiveness and childishness...

canyon2000 · 11/01/2023 13:00

Does it matter any more? You threw him out a few days ago because of his behaviour so I would try and move on from the lack of Christmas present now.

seineingefrohrenerpimmel · 11/01/2023 13:01

You've got bigger problems than this one card OP, if your other threads are anything to go by.
I do feel you have completely overreacted to this situation but in context of other things going on in your marriage, I suspect this is the last straw. Perhaps you feel like he doesn't give a flying fuck about you.
Because not getting a card from a baby shouldn't be causing this much upset and hand-wringing.

SleeplessInEngland · 11/01/2023 13:01

Spottingtwerps · 11/01/2023 12:25

Isn't mumsnet full of threads where people just ask a question? Isn't that the point of AIBU? Is there a threshold of triviality vs seriousness. Who judges that? I'd you're not interested, please scroll on by.

Show quote history

No, that's not how it works. You're asking if YBU to be annoyed by this, and people are telling you.

Eyerollcentral · 11/01/2023 13:01

Spottingtwerps · 11/01/2023 11:47

My reply didn't day YOU were judging me.

Show quote history

More charm… I don’t know what you want from this OP. Enjoy your baby

Moxysright · 11/01/2023 13:02

I’d let him off this time, because most men are just crap at stuff like this and he probably never did it to upset you. Make sure he knows to be buying this stuff going forward! x

londonrach · 11/01/2023 13:05

In the nicest way yabu in this case.

Crazycrazylady · 11/01/2023 13:14

Op
As everyone as said. It's not always the norm that people buy additional presents from the baby to their spouse. It's clearly very important to you though which is absolutely fine , however you need to tell your husband that you really want him to do this. Case closed.

whoyougonnacallGOATSBUTTER · 11/01/2023 13:21

He gave baby a card, just from him. The card I gave her was from both of us. He said that his card was for her memory box.

I was going to vote YABU based on your thread title, but actually, the above paragraph shows he did put a great deal of thought in getting baby a a card for her memory box that is only from him, so it does appear that he has deliberately made the choice not to put your name in the card and also not to get you a card from baby to him.

My advice would be that this year, you give baby a baby's first Christmas card from just you and put that in the keepsake box.

And going forward, get baby cards for baby from just you.

Do not get him cards from baby anymore.

Cheeseandlobster · 11/01/2023 13:27

AlwaysBelieveInYourSoul · 11/01/2023 09:00

OMG. Really. You want your DH to send a card pretending it's from your baby?? If you want a keepsake of your baby's first Christmas, organise one.
When your child is older, speak to your DH about how you would like him to help the child get you birthday/ Christmas cards/presents. When the child is of an age to actually have some input, then it will be meaningful.
And all our babies are v precious.

This. Sometimes it baffles me how precious people can be

VioletaDelValle · 11/01/2023 13:32

As everyone as said. It's not always the norm that people buy additional presents from the baby to their spouse.

Erm, not everyone has said this! It's very much the norm in my family and social circle.

NotInScotlandAnymore · 11/01/2023 13:41

My one and only baby was born in May and DH (at the time) got me a card and small gift from the bump for Mothers day in March before he'd even been born so no you are not strange or unreasonable to feel sad about Christmas x

Grrrrdarling · 11/01/2023 14:11

Spottingtwerps · 11/01/2023 08:38

We have an 11mo. We are older parents, she will be my only baby and I have had a m/c previously so this is a v precious baby.

I bought my husband a "daddy" card and present from the baby. Baby signed his card with a handprint that I did which took bloody ages as a keepsake. He got me nothing.

He gave baby a card, just from him. The card I gave her was from both of us. He said that his card was for her memory box.

So everyone gets keepsakes except me.

AIBU to be upset that husband got me nothing from the baby or even signed her name in his card or even thought about me??

Totally get where you are coming from but we all know by now that men don’t think like we do. Also unless he is Darren Brown he isn’t a mind reader & I bet if you spoke to his Mrs she’d say he forgets stuff or doesn’t think about things the same way as she does too.
Some people need to have idea seeds planted in their brains or be involved in a conversation about gifts you would maybe like for them to get you for them to get the hint.
Personally I would have downloaded & printed out ideas around baby footprint & handprint keepsakes like necklaces, plaster casts etc & left them were he could see them with a bright post-it in them saying mummy gifts from baby ideas.

Have you spoken to your husband about how this made you feel or just assumed he knew he should get you something from the baby?

Talk about this with your husband but don’t just assume he has been thoughtless & uncaring by not getting you anything from the baby.

PanicAtTheTesco1 · 11/01/2023 14:30

@Spottingtwerps YANBU and I'm honestly surprised at the amount of people on here calling you weird for buying cards. We had an 8 month old at Christmas and we got him a son's 1st Christmas card as a keepsake. And yes, we did read it aloud to him - he loved it! I also bought my DH a card from DS and a keepsake gift, and he did the same for me. My family all also bought the baby cards, which will be put in his baby box. We never mentioned buying him cards, they all did it because it was the norm for them.

All of my friends did the same when they first had babies, and in fact I was having this exact conversation with a friend because her DP didn't get her anything from the kids for her birthday and she was upset.

There are definitely some strange people on this thread OP, but it's not you. Imagine getting so upset over someone wanting a card to mark their first Christmas as a Mum....weird!

PollyPut · 11/01/2023 14:30

@OP You will have years of your child making you cards. You can look forward to, and save, all of those.

A card bought bu and signed from your DH before your child can talk, write or hold a pen really is not comparable.

CandyLeBonBon · 11/01/2023 14:40

It sounds like you're upset by the lack of recognition in your changed role op? You feel profoundly affected by the change in your status from child-free to mother and are possibly disappointed your husband hasn't attached the same weight to the occasion that you do? Does he know how you feel? You feel you've achieved something momentous and it feels diminished by his actions, maybe?

thewayround · 11/01/2023 15:57

PollyPut · 11/01/2023 14:30

@OP You will have years of your child making you cards. You can look forward to, and save, all of those.

A card bought bu and signed from your DH before your child can talk, write or hold a pen really is not comparable.

Op will no doubt start a thread about her 5 year old not spending enough time and effort on her Mother’s Day card!

thewayround · 11/01/2023 15:59

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

longtompot · 11/01/2023 16:00

He gave baby a card, just from him. The card I gave her was from both of us. He said that his card was for her memory box.

So everyone gets keepsakes except me.

I've not read the whole thread, only yours @Spottingtwerps but this bit jumped out at me from your op. I do think it is a little bit odd to give your baby separate cards from you and your dp, unless of course you don't live together. But I do understand why you would be upset at not having a keepsake from your baby's first Christmas. Did it not occur to him that you would also like a momento from their first Christmas for the keepsake box?

I think a chat with your dp before Mother's Day to make it clear that you are hoping to get something from your baby, which I would assume you are.

CousinKrispy · 11/01/2023 16:14

OP, try taking the word "weird" out of this (as it understandably feels uncomfortable to you!) but perhaps substitute "unusual."

The shops have lots of cards for mum and dad, true. But I don't think it's standard for those to be given to mum or dad "from" (on behalf of) an 11-month old baby. They are probably more likely to be given from an older child. Unless you are seeing cards that are specifically "To Mum, from the Baby, on Baby's first Christmas."

You sending a card with handprints to grandparents is a little different as they presumably don't see your baby every day, whereas you do :-) what a lovely gesture btw, I'm sure they will treasure those cards.

In my experience it's more common for a mum and dad to commemorate baby's first Christmas with photos etc. rather than a card that is "from" the baby (though of course my experience isn't universal!). I can totally see why you want to treasure keepsakes from this time, they will be lovely to look back on. But maybe have a think about whether you really specifically need a card to do so, or whether it's perfectly OK and normal to use other things. That may have been your H's thought process, unless you think he is showing a pattern of taking you for granted or something, which is a larger issue.

By next year you will probably be able to start your collection of tree ornaments made by your LO (with help)! I love hanging these every year.

If it's really important to you to receive a card "from" your child every year, then have a conversation with your H about it. A birthday card on behalf of a young child from the other parent is very common in my experience, a Christmas card is not, so just explain to him how much it would mean to you.

CousinKrispy · 11/01/2023 16:15

Oh yeah good call on Mother's Day! Communicate with your H in advance so he knows what you want!