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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

First Christmas with new baby, husband didn't get me a card/present/anything from baby

300 replies

Spottingtwerps · 11/01/2023 08:38

We have an 11mo. We are older parents, she will be my only baby and I have had a m/c previously so this is a v precious baby.

I bought my husband a "daddy" card and present from the baby. Baby signed his card with a handprint that I did which took bloody ages as a keepsake. He got me nothing.

He gave baby a card, just from him. The card I gave her was from both of us. He said that his card was for her memory box.

So everyone gets keepsakes except me.

AIBU to be upset that husband got me nothing from the baby or even signed her name in his card or even thought about me??

OP posts:
ChildminderMum · 11/01/2023 09:26

Sounds like you needed to have a discussion about expectations around who gets what from who before Christmas.

Neither or you are right or wrong. It isn't typical/common to get Christmas presents from a baby (more so for Mother/Father's day) so if that's what you wanted you should have said so.

I would discuss with your husband now what you want in terms of gifts/cards at other events.

inappropriateraspberry · 11/01/2023 09:27

Why would you have something from the baby? When it's old enough to understand what gifts are and takes pleasure in helping choose a card or present for mummy, then great! Before that, it's pointless - it's a gift from your other half in all other respects. Why should he write 'from baby' on the tag?

ImprobablePuffin · 11/01/2023 09:27

foremostwilly · 11/01/2023 09:22

this is a v precious baby

As opposed to other, low value babies?

I don't know how to word this properly but I do get the feeling OP has sort of over sentimentalised everything to do with the baby.

And it's her baby so whatever but the problem is nothing will ever meet the expectations and the only outcome is constant disappointment.

I think when you realise your kid is like all the other kids and your family is like every other family you're more willing to accept that things aren't always (read rarely are) perfect etc. I haven't explained myself well so apologies but hopefully you see what I'm getting at

howaboutchocolate · 11/01/2023 09:27

Why do people think this is so weird?
Cards and presents from babies/young children is perfectly normal. Do your babies and young children not get you anything for mothers day or fathers day either?

We've always done it and it's sweet.

My in laws get us presents off the dog. The dog is clearly not buying the presents or writing the labels but they stick his name on anyway. I thought that was fairly common.

OP I'd be sad too. Although YABU for saying your baby is v precious due to your circumstances - all babies are precious to their parents. I think that might have rubbed some people up the wrong way. You don't love your baby more than other parents just because you had a MC.

inappropriateraspberry · 11/01/2023 09:28

Also odd that you have a baby a card - I don't give my children Xmas cards, they live with me and I see them every day!

Coffeellama · 11/01/2023 09:28

Do you and your DH exchange cards as well? Never heard of people in the same household doing this. As for thinking your child will want a card in a memory box ………….. I have adult kids and if I said, let’s get your memory box (they alone would probably be enough yo have them going wtf) and let’s look at the card we gave you when you were 11mo they would likely think I had a few bolts loose.

Have you actually never seen a ‘to my husband’ card or anything? Are you totally shocked that couples who live with eachother send valentines cards? Whilst it’s easy to believe that a lot of people don’t give these (I don’t), it’s really not that strange.

I made a memory box of my kids baby things, it’s mostly for me but I like looking at it and so do my kids. My mum died when I was young and I love all the cards she gave to me and the home videos she did (not birth obviously), she kept them in an old suitcase and it was lovely to find after she’d gone. Again it’s really not that weird! Giving a card ‘from the baby’ to DH is daft in my opinion but some people are picking on totally normally sentimental stuff in this thread and making out like it’s outrageous.

FantaFour · 11/01/2023 09:29

How ridiculous op. I have a new baby and it didn't Even cross my mind to do cards from and to the baby?!

unclebuck · 11/01/2023 09:31

I took my DC into a shock and let them choose something (ie whatever cheap nonsense they pointed at). DD got him a tiny furry monkey decoration that still gets used every year and DS went for a superman thong. I don't understand the baby getting a card thou.

howaboutchocolate · 11/01/2023 09:31

inappropriateraspberry · 11/01/2023 09:28

Also odd that you have a baby a card - I don't give my children Xmas cards, they live with me and I see them every day!

It's not odd at all. I give my DD a Christmas card. I write her a little message about things she's done or learnt that year. I thought it'd be nice to look back on them - we keep them.

Do you not give your children birthday cards because you see them every day? What a strange concept.

evtheria · 11/01/2023 09:31

I would not have thought of this at all, and probably would have been bemused if I had a card or gift under the tree 'from baby'. It's a different matter now my child is old enough to understand giving/receiving himself, though.

I think you need to tell your DP how much things like that mean to you.

Oysterbabe · 11/01/2023 09:31

It wouldn't have occurred to me for even a second to buy DH a present from the baby. Maybe he's the same.
I did conceive and birth my babies easily though, so maybe they are less precious.

HoppingPavlova · 11/01/2023 09:32

Actually, I’ve seen a few people with babies get customised Christmas baubles for the tree. Ones with a photo printed on, or ‘Babies first Xmas’ with their name and year printed on. Not my thing, but I can see the sense in these if you are looking for a memento, you could get it out every Xmas from now until you shuffle off and it would be nice to look at on the tree and remember. Maybe try and think of sensible things like this moving forward that you can order rather than expecting your DH to do something weird and being disappointed when he doesn’t?

inappropriateraspberry · 11/01/2023 09:32

Just because they make this stuff doesn't mean you have to buy it! Loads of these mawkish cards and gifts are created by cynical companies cashing in, making you think that it's something people should do because it's there in the shops. The most important gift you have is your family and that is all you need.

Twizbe · 11/01/2023 09:33

With things like this, your partner isn't a mind reader. You need to communicate what you want and expect.

CocoFifi · 11/01/2023 09:34

If she has to tell him, what is the point, as he is only getting it because he has been told. I think the OP is being over sensitive

chronictonic · 11/01/2023 09:34

Yeah you are BU.. it's not a done thing in our household and mine is an only.

One thing that did seriously upset me was I never got even a card on my first mother's day... when DD was 6 months old.
I've always been laid back and not bothered about presents and cards etc but I was pretty gutted about not even getting a card on my first Mother's Day - and I let DH know!!! 9 years on he still gets stick for it! It's become a bit of running joke in the family.

Men can be so crap at these things!

Whatslovegottodowithit88 · 11/01/2023 09:35

My DH & I do Christmas & Birthday cards to each other from our children. I've kept all of our cards. If it means something to you, then it should to him too.

bakewellbride · 11/01/2023 09:36

I get it op. I got dh a box of wine gums from the kids for Christmas and a nice card with 'daddy' on the front that had a drawing from the eldest inside.

Dh got me from the kids a Star Wars phone case (I hate Star Wars) and it doesn't even fit my phone so had to be given away!

I honestly would've preferred nothing.

ImprobablePuffin · 11/01/2023 09:38

unclebuck · 11/01/2023 09:31

I took my DC into a shock and let them choose something (ie whatever cheap nonsense they pointed at). DD got him a tiny furry monkey decoration that still gets used every year and DS went for a superman thong. I don't understand the baby getting a card thou.

So casual with the mention of the superman thong 😂 brilliant. How old was DS when he chose this as THE gift?

unclebuck · 11/01/2023 09:39

@ImprobablePuffin 16 months. He was most insistent 😂😂😂😂
DH laughed so much he couldn't speak for ages 😂😂

LuckeyBuoy · 11/01/2023 09:40

The MN acronym "PFB" was invented for a good reason. We've all had a super-precious first-born who is akin to the Second Coming. But we don't all need them to send us a Christmas card when they are six months old.

cushioncovers · 11/01/2023 09:42

HeddaGarbled · 11/01/2023 08:53

It’s your first Christmas with the baby so you haven’t sorted out your traditions yet. You need to talk to each other and agree what you’ll do in future.

This. Le this year slide bu have a discussion about expectations for next year. Same goes for Mother's Day and your birthday op.

dizzydizzydizzy · 11/01/2023 09:42

It was very thoughtful of you to send your DH a card from the baby. My DD18 loves it when I put a present under the tree for one of our chickens.

However, I don't think most people would think of this so as PPs have said, you'll need to tell your husband. In the meantime, you could always make your own keepsake.

SpentDandelion · 11/01/2023 09:42

It's not weird, l think its a sweet gesture and a lovely keepsake for the baby, just because others don't do it doesn't mean it's weird.
My advice would be to mention gently that you felt a little disappointed husband never thought to buy you anything from baby, (to be honest not a lot of men would think to do this in my experience) and next year when out shopping with husband and you see something you like, send him to the till with it quick, saying this would be a lovely present to me from baby, thankyou.

NothingBut · 11/01/2023 09:42

I wouldn’t even think to get something for my partner ‘from the baby.’ Maybe on Father’s Day but not for Christmas.

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