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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

First Christmas with new baby, husband didn't get me a card/present/anything from baby

300 replies

Spottingtwerps · 11/01/2023 08:38

We have an 11mo. We are older parents, she will be my only baby and I have had a m/c previously so this is a v precious baby.

I bought my husband a "daddy" card and present from the baby. Baby signed his card with a handprint that I did which took bloody ages as a keepsake. He got me nothing.

He gave baby a card, just from him. The card I gave her was from both of us. He said that his card was for her memory box.

So everyone gets keepsakes except me.

AIBU to be upset that husband got me nothing from the baby or even signed her name in his card or even thought about me??

OP posts:
SomethingOriginal2 · 11/01/2023 16:18

YANBU we buy a joint card for DS and buy each other gifts from DS. Even when exDH was abusive. Even now were separated. As he gets older we'll hand hand responsibly to him.

Anonymous48 · 11/01/2023 16:31

I know many other posters have said the same thing, but you don't seem to understand how offensive your first paragraph was.

I know I'm incredibly fortunate in that I have never had a miscarriage and managed to conceive my two children easily. But they are just as precious to me as your baby is to you, and for you to claim that your age and that fact that you have previously miscarried is the reason that your baby is "very" precious is very insulting to other parents like myself.

anniz91 · 11/01/2023 16:36

@Spottingtwerps

No sorry you are in the wrong. Completely in the wrong.

Do you really think your baby will care that much about his or hers first Christmas? I don't think so. To put blame on your husband for not doing so ... I'm really sorry but there are other things to worry about and your not putting anything into perspective. Your going on about something that's so miniscule.

WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 11/01/2023 16:45

Anonymous48 · 11/01/2023 16:31

I know many other posters have said the same thing, but you don't seem to understand how offensive your first paragraph was.

I know I'm incredibly fortunate in that I have never had a miscarriage and managed to conceive my two children easily. But they are just as precious to me as your baby is to you, and for you to claim that your age and that fact that you have previously miscarried is the reason that your baby is "very" precious is very insulting to other parents like myself.

There was NOTHING offensive in the OP's first paragraph. NOWHERE has she said her baby is more special and precious than anyone else's

Get a grip FGS.

longtompot · 11/01/2023 16:47

It might be taken as offensive if op had written that her baby was much more precious than everyone else's babies, but she didn't.

LaLuz7 · 11/01/2023 16:47

WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 11/01/2023 16:45

There was NOTHING offensive in the OP's first paragraph. NOWHERE has she said her baby is more special and precious than anyone else's

Get a grip FGS.

Show quote history

Uhm i don't have kids and even I found her phrasing distasteful...

JenniferBarkley · 11/01/2023 17:30

WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 11/01/2023 16:45

There was NOTHING offensive in the OP's first paragraph. NOWHERE has she said her baby is more special and precious than anyone else's

Get a grip FGS.

Show quote history

OP also said this:

Because this baby is precious, as I said, very wanted and it's a big deal that I managed to conceive. There won't be anymore and it's a miracle there's even one. I am approaching 50.

Which does rather imply that not all babies are precious, and that those who are more easily come by are somehow less special to their parents.

OodieBoogie · 11/01/2023 18:03

Some babies are not loved or wanted. Some babies are tolerated. Some babies survive their parents by the skin of their teeth. Not all babies are precious to their parents or families.

I think OP was making the point that this is a very wanted, very loved and hard won and unexpected baby. So feels incredibly precious to her. Not that her baby is more precious than other people's in general.

longtompot · 11/01/2023 18:43

OodieBoogie · 11/01/2023 18:03

Some babies are not loved or wanted. Some babies are tolerated. Some babies survive their parents by the skin of their teeth. Not all babies are precious to their parents or families.

I think OP was making the point that this is a very wanted, very loved and hard won and unexpected baby. So feels incredibly precious to her. Not that her baby is more precious than other people's in general.

This is what I felt from her post too.

McPlant1 · 11/01/2023 19:35

In the last 2 months your H has thrown a pram at you and vanished from the house on your birthday weekend. I think you have bigger fish to fry than not receiving an Xmas card from your DD tbh…

Blueeyedgirl21 · 11/01/2023 21:48

@OodieBoogie pretty sure the parents of those babies aren’t on a parenting forum though

CousinKrispy · 11/01/2023 22:52

Your husband threw a pram at you?!?

SwingandaPrayer · 11/01/2023 23:02

Absolutely never heard of doing this and my dearly loved only DS has never bought us a present neither at 12 months or now. We always bought something "from" him on Mother's and Father's day which makes sense, but but nothing else.

seineingefrohrenerpimmel · 11/01/2023 23:09

@CousinKrispy
Advance search the OP's username and you will find a couple of recent threads which show that the lack of Christmas card from the baby is the least of OP's problems.

Harry12345 · 12/01/2023 00:10

I think is a bit weird to give or get Xmas card from baby. However if that is something that has been done for your birthday and he also thought of himself I can understand why you’d feel that. Also most people get birthday cards for christenings and one year old so I suppose it’s not much different. I knew the min you said that the baby is very precious and very much wanted that people will react to that. I would discuss how you felt with your DH so he is more thoughtful in the future.

StClare101 · 12/01/2023 00:20

Spottingtwerps · 11/01/2023 11:49

I am being strange? Please do explain the strangeness.

Show quote history

Expecting your husband to buy you a gift from the baby is weird. I’ve never heard of this nonsense before.

Ursuala · 12/01/2023 10:54

Someone unhappy and pissed off about this

Will be so very unhappy and pissed off about so much in life

BreviloquentBastard · 12/01/2023 17:43

So has he come back from his sister's yet?

2Rebecca · 12/01/2023 17:45

This post is just bizarre. Pretend presents from a baby is just silly.

Nervousmum98626 · 14/01/2023 13:32

Looks like I’m the other weirdo with you here - my at the time husband and I did get each other something from the baby and a card - she was 3 months at the time. We didn’t get her a card though and we got each other keepsake ‘first Christmas as mummy/daddy type things so don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all

Rhaych2003 · 15/01/2023 10:32

My fiancé can be abit hopeless with stuff like this but he did get me a card of my son aswell as a Pandora charm saying “MOM”. Although if he didn’t it wouldn’t be a big deal to me. Weren’t you just happy to be with your baby on Christmas Day?? It seems like your acting abit spoilt and immature, it seems like it’s all about you. When you have kids it’s not about you anymore. One day your kid will be old enough to write cards out their self or even better make them at school, it’ll be worth the wait lovely! X

Rhaych2003 · 15/01/2023 10:33

You don’t need a keepsake as it’s something you’ll never forget plus you’ll be able to look through memory box with baby when older and discuss the memories. Not how you spent months being unhappy because you didn’t get a card of your 11 month old.

Rhaych2003 · 15/01/2023 10:39

I don’t think it’s weird to buy cards too and from baby, as me and my family have always done this. But you sound awfully immature, “so everyone else gets keepsakes but I don’t”. Why do you need a card saying mummy to feel that your babies first Christmas was special?? You’ll have lots of lovely memories to look back on. Maybe husband was too busy being excited and planning for babies first Christmas and he thought you would be too. I couldn’t give a damn if I didn’t receive a single card as
long as my kid had a good Christmas.

fitzwilliamdarcy · 15/01/2023 11:14

You have bigger problems with your DH than this. This is a distraction from the actual serious issues, which you got brilliant advice on on your other thread.

Harry12345 · 15/01/2023 18:05

I agree with above, I looked at your your other threads, this would be the least of my worries if my partner was as much of a prick as yours

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