To call them by their first names?

[continuousever]

Not really my story or problem.
My friend is dating a very lovely guy who we all think is the one for her. He is very liberal and easy going. His parents, less so. They are very conservative.

They want my friend to call them Mr Surname and Mrs Surname. She says this makes her feel like there is a big authority and importance gap between them. In her family everyone is treated equally and her partner calls her parents by their first name and is one of the family.

I don't know all the ins and outs but if I were in that situation would I be unreasonable to just call them by their first names and state that we are al equal? Or is there another boundary she can set signifying that she is just as equally important. She says that it's very important to her that she won't accept an inferior position in the family.

How old is everyone?

the couple are 28

Just do it. Often everyone isn’t equal. For example, one party might have raised, paid for and supported another party. Which would earn them respect.

I am much older than your friend but we all used to call our friends' parents Mr & Mrs. Even as a fully grown adult, I struggle to be informal

It’s not very difficult not to call them anything at all.

I would assume these in-laws had in no way paid for or supported OP’s friend…

my friend is completely financially independent.

I would find this odd. I don’t like the Auntie/Uncle prefix either though - we just used first names when I was a kid.

I would say hi Mrs and Mrs ?, then when they talk back correct them and say it’s miss? - they can call you miss ? If we are all getting formal.

Menomenom I think your point is fine if the OP had received any support from the partners parents across her lifetime that would then warrant the additional level of respect.

It sounds from the OP like one adult being introduced to other adults without any prior connection.

So, assuming there isn't a cultural norm in play here, then I would find it odd as a nearly 30 year old adult to be expected to call another adult with no authority position over me, Mr or Mrs.

I'd respect their request to be called Mr and Mrs. It's their preference and choice.

Yes - I never really called my in laws anything.

I think its weird that they're insisting on this. Fine for the initial meeting but weirdly formal afterwards

What does the boyfriend think? It does sound very old fashioned these days ... although I recently met some friends of my 21 year old DS and one of them constantly called me 'Mrs X' although I did tell him to use my first name.

In my opinion, you call someone what they ask you to call them. That means that if Mrs Josephine Eliza Smith wants to be called Josephine, or Josie, or Eliza, or Mrs Smith, or Ms Smith, or Mrs S, or Jo, etc then you call her that. She doesn’t need to “fall in line” or “adhere to a hierarchy” to call them what they want to be called - it’d be just as rude to insist on calling her Mrs Smith when she asks to be called Jo. No one is thinking Mr T or Mr Tickle are demanding to be above everyone else. Personally, I wouldn’t expect to be called Mrs Pancreas but each to their own and she really should pick her battles if she intends to continue dating this lovely guy.

I'd avoid calling them anything in that case. 28 is too old to be pretending anyone is more important. If they want formality she could insist on her full name.

Ultimately though, I'd avoid them.

Do they want everyone to call them mrs and mr or is it just her?

Having said that my Mum's favourite story is of a BF of mine who called her Mrs. P our entire relationship.

He was a scallywag though.

MissPatterson, MrPattersonnnn.... She needs to embody Perry

My dm made my ex call her Mrs Surname
.
She referred to him as The Maggot...
They didn't get along much!!.

@Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov I really don't know but I presumed it was younger generations

Even Kevin and Perry called their parents Mr and Mrs .....

eh YABU

its a bit uptight but hardly abnormal for older people especially to want to be called mr and mrs last name. In some families it’s normal, when in Rome and all that

OMG this!

I agree with @AnxiousPancreas .

Respect their preferences.

But I would make a point of using Mrs or Mr 'whatever it is' in each and every sentence.

Just to highlight the stuffiness.