AIBU to think this is unacceptable of the school

[anerki101]

My DS has suspected ASC. We have been waiting ages for a meeting with the school to discuss - that's another thread!

But anyway, DS is 4. Started school in Septemeber. He is 100% toilet trained nothing day and night. Never has accidents. Accept at school. If he doesn't do his daily poo at home after school, then he poos his pants at school. Its becoming an almost daily occurance. This started at the beginning of December. In all that time the staff have only noticed ONCE that he has had an accident and changed him.

Today I found out DS had done a poo in his pants between 12 and 1. I picked him up at 4:15. He'd been sitting in his own poo for three to four hours.

AIBU to think this is totally unacceptable?

The school are aware of these accidents. I have had several discussions with his teacher about preventing, etc. Nothing has worked so far but the biggest issue is that they aren't noticing he's had an accident and leaving him to sit in it all day.

It's not always possible to tell and staff aren't allowed to just randomly check.

How do you know the exact time?

Careful, there are weird poo trolls sometimes.

No advice but no, not acceptable

You need to get him to a GP then. It’s not the school’s place to clean up your kid.

The thing is, it isn't nursery any more, and there usually aren't enough staff to be dealing with this on a regular basis. Does it not smell, though? It's surprising that other kids aren't bringing it to their attention either.

Not acceptable but assuming this is a mainstream school with 30 kids, 1 teacher & a TA. How would they know if he isn't telling them?

Your average reception classroom smells all the time. Farts, plenty of children leaking a bit leaving too late, or leaving skid marks not wiping well. Lots will spill food on their clothes, suck thumbs or jumpers which then smell a bit.

They can't notice the child at the far end of the room who's had an accident and they maybe won't want to embarrass or shame him by asking a lot.

There may be times they've asked and he's denied?

If a teacher noticed, they'd be changed but the the teacher will be very busy teaching 30 kids so I think you're being unreasonable to expect them to notice. I would ask for a plan though e.g. lsa checks with child every hour if they need the toilet etc. Can you child communicate with an adult or not at that stage?

This is your 2nd post about this in AIBU in the last few hours. Reported.

My nephew had quite a few soiling accidents in reception (dietary issue). They are oftem outdoors where you may not notice smells, they are on the move a lot not sat in seats so it might be very hard to pinpoint a specific child against the background stink in reception.

School nurse.

Senco

And yes it's the school's job to clean them up. They should not be discriminating against disabled children.

You might need pull ups though.

It's really not good enough that he's sitting in poo, but things do get missed, I'd start by asking the teacher if they can check in more with him as a first step. Maybe a non verbal signal for DS so he can tell the teacher when he's pooed. We've used non verbal signals for various things at school over the years. One of my DCs teachers' would check in with a thumbs up or thumbs down signal to see how he was going.

I've got 4 Autistic DC, 2 of them won't use school toilets and always poo in the afternoon, the youngest will only poo if he's allowed to sit on the toilet for a while with his tablet. Maybe a tablet or potty in front of TV might help him poo. Also possible he's a bit backed up then it can sort of overflow, something like using movicol under doctors advice could help. You might get useful advice about getting DS to poo from the SEN board.

DS has suspected autism. The school are aware of this. They are also aware that DS is having an accident almost every day. They know he won't tell them.

Just to repeat, he does not have accidents anywhere else. He says he won't use the toilets at school because they aren't pretty. I assume this is related to the suspected ASC.

And no, I don't expect them to change him. I expect that, knowing this is a daily thing for him as well as with the suspected autism, that they would just quickly check him at regular intervals and alert me so I can come in and get him changed.

Would you want to sit in your own shit for 3 - 4 hours?

Otherwise, what am I supposed to do? Keep him home where he doesn't have accident so he doesn't have to sit in his own shit? Send him to a school with proper SEN provision? I can't even get a meeting with his bloody school to discuss it!

As soon as he gets in the car when I pick him up, honestly the smell is bloody awful. I have to drive home with all the windows open.

There are ways around it. I'm a TA in a school and there are ways of managing this.

Staff can check and they can clean children up, school should have a policy for this and you can ask to see it then use it as a basis of pushing for the care your child needs.

You can give permission for them to ask your child directly (in private) "have you had an accident?" and they can send him into a toilet cubicle to check for himself then help him as needed.

They can pre-empt it by prompting him to go to the toilet at set times. For example, getting him to try the toilet at morning break and then again straight after his lunch in the hope that he'll do it then rather than in his pants.

They can work with you on exactly what the issue is with the school toilets and work to resolve it. Is it the toilets themselves? Too busy/bright/loud, not private enough, wrong sort of toilet paper, etc? They could offer things like use of the disabled toilet, allowing toilet wipes rather than toilet paper (very common for children with ASC to have sensory issues with toilet paper), ear defenders for use in the toilet, paper towels instead of the hand drier, and so on.

Every time it happens, make a record of it and report it back to school. You need a meeting with the SENCO to arrange a toileting plan, if they refuse then ask them how the current arrangement of leaving him in soiled clothing aligns with their obligations under the Equality Act.

There are ways around it. I'm a TA in a school and there are ways of managing this.

Staff can check and they can clean children up, school should have a policy for this and you can ask to see it then use it as a basis of pushing for the care your child needs.

You can give permission for them to ask your child directly (in private) "have you had an accident?" and they can send him into a toilet cubicle to check for himself then help him as needed.

They can pre-empt it by prompting him to go to the toilet at set times. For example, getting him to try the toilet at morning break and then again straight after his lunch in the hope that he'll do it then rather than in his pants.

They can work with you on exactly what the issue is with the school toilets and work to resolve it. Is it the toilets themselves? Too busy/bright/loud, not private enough, wrong sort of toilet paper, etc? They could offer things like use of the disabled toilet, allowing toilet wipes rather than toilet paper (very common for children with ASC to have sensory issues with toilet paper), ear defenders for use in the toilet, paper towels instead of the hand drier, and so on.

Every time it happens, make a record of it and report it back to school. You need a meeting with the SENCO to arrange a toileting plan, if they refuse then ask them how the current arrangement of leaving him in soiled clothing aligns with their obligations under the Equality Act.

There are ways around it. I'm a TA in a school and there are ways of managing this.

Staff can check and they can clean children up, school should have a policy for this and you can ask to see it then use it as a basis of pushing for the care your child needs.

You can give permission for them to ask your child directly (in private) "have you had an accident?" and they can send him into a toilet cubicle to check for himself then help him as needed.

They can pre-empt it by prompting him to go to the toilet at set times. For example, getting him to try the toilet at morning break and then again straight after his lunch in the hope that he'll do it then rather than in his pants.

They can work with you on exactly what the issue is with the school toilets and work to resolve it. Is it the toilets themselves? Too busy/bright/loud, not private enough, wrong sort of toilet paper, etc? They could offer things like use of the disabled toilet, allowing toilet wipes rather than toilet paper (very common for children with ASC to have sensory issues with toilet paper), ear defenders for use in the toilet, paper towels instead of the hand drier, and so on.

Every time it happens, make a record of it and report it back to school. You need a meeting with the SENCO to arrange a toileting plan, if they refuse then ask them how the current arrangement of leaving him in soiled clothing aligns with their obligations under the Equality Act.

Check him how?

No, write to your mp. He shouldn’t be at school if this is a daily occurrence and the school shouldn’t be put in this position either.

Fgs. I mentioned it briefly on my other thread but i felt it needed it's own thread to discuss. I'm at my wits end and worried about my kid. Get lost.

There are ways around it. I'm a TA in a school and there are ways of managing this.

Staff can check and they can clean children up, school should have a policy for this and you can ask to see it then use it as a basis of pushing for the care your child needs.

You can give permission for them to ask your child directly (in private) "have you had an accident?" and they can send him into a toilet cubicle to check for himself then help him as needed.

They can pre-empt it by prompting him to go to the toilet at set times. For example, getting him to try the toilet at morning break and then again straight after his lunch in the hope that he'll do it then rather than in his pants.

They can work with you on exactly what the issue is with the school toilets and work to resolve it. Is it the toilets themselves? Too busy/bright/loud, not private enough, wrong sort of toilet paper, etc? They could offer things like use of the disabled toilet, allowing toilet wipes rather than toilet paper (very common for children with ASC to have sensory issues with toilet paper), ear defenders for use in the toilet, paper towels instead of the hand drier, and so on.

Every time it happens, make a record of it and report it back to school. You need a meeting with the SENCO to arrange a toileting plan, if they refuse then ask them how the current arrangement of leaving him in soiled clothing aligns with their obligations under the Equality Act.

Fgs. I mentioned it briefly on my other thread but i felt it needed it's own thread to discuss. I'm at my wits end and worried about my kid. Get lost.

Fgs. I mentioned it briefly on my other thread but i felt it needed it's own thread to discuss. I'm at my wits end and worried about my kid. Get lost.

The only option if he won't say so is a picture card that he gives to the teacher or TA.
They cannot physically check him or smell him if he does not indicate he needs help.

The only option if he won't say so is a picture card that he gives to the teacher or TA.

They cannot physically check him or smell him if he does not indicate he needs help.

What are you looking for here, ideas or venting. What's happening isn't ok, but I expect the teacher can't check visibly and would have to rely on smell or on DS telling them, and you can't always smell. If it's happening around a similar time could you go into the school at a specific time to check and change him? Can you and school work with him to develop a non verbal signal? I wouldn't want the teacher regularly asking him aloud in ear shot of other children.

Disabled loo access?

Send spare clothes etc. He can then use disabled loo to clean up and change.