AIBU to think this is unacceptable of the school

[anerki101]

My DS has suspected ASC. We have been waiting ages for a meeting with the school to discuss - that's another thread!

But anyway, DS is 4. Started school in Septemeber. He is 100% toilet trained nothing day and night. Never has accidents. Accept at school. If he doesn't do his daily poo at home after school, then he poos his pants at school. Its becoming an almost daily occurance. This started at the beginning of December. In all that time the staff have only noticed ONCE that he has had an accident and changed him.

Today I found out DS had done a poo in his pants between 12 and 1. I picked him up at 4:15. He'd been sitting in his own poo for three to four hours.

AIBU to think this is totally unacceptable?

The school are aware of these accidents. I have had several discussions with his teacher about preventing, etc. Nothing has worked so far but the biggest issue is that they aren't noticing he's had an accident and leaving him to sit in it all day.

I suggested that it was a solution for the OP to collect her son at lunchtime. Her son currently does not have an ECHP or diagnosis. I didn’t say that the school can only change students where there are two staff members present I said that it was in the best interests of staff and students to ensure there was. I am not sure why you are focusing your obvious anger at me, but I will not tolerate you saying things that are untrue based on what is in black and white. Stop messaging me about this now, thanks

An EHCP or diagnosis is not required.

Requiring parents to collect or making them feel they should isn’t lawful solution so shouldn’t be suggested as an acceptable solution.

I’m not angry. I am pointing out your posts don’t align with the law and how parents can challenge schools’ unlawful behaviour. Nothing I have posted is untrue. This is an open forum and I am replying to the thread, feel free not post if you don’t want to but you can’t police my posts.

My son was not toilet trained in reception. He had a one to one which helped but they would take him to toilet tho they encouraged him to clean himself rather then do it for him. What additional support has school put in place? Does he need one to one ? I'd meet with teacher/senco to discuss how best to manage this going forward. And everytime he has an accident tell them the next day.

I’m a few days late to the thread but I’ve read all your posts OP and I’m not sure what it is you really want?

• the teachers ask frequently if DS needs to use the toilet
• he may deny it or isn’t able to respond
• they’ve offered to let him use the year 6 toilets which are nicer however this still doesn’t work

So what do you actually want? If they’re making the effort to ask him, he says no AND they can’t smell it at the time, what do you want them to do? They can’t call you every 5 minutes to say ‘DS may have done a poo, do you want to come in and check?’ By reading the comments, it also seems like teachers/TA’s aren’t able to just go and randomly check a child’s underwear to see if they’ve soiled themselves.

You say you keep getting fobbed off in regards to the meeting. So email them every two days or even daily, asking for an update. Leave a paper trail. Obviously your child shouldn’t be sitting in poo for hours but you need to be a bit more aggressive with your communication techniques

Seriously people it’s sht! A 4 year old kid’s sht does not smell of roses. They know. There is no way they don’t. If they can’t smell it, they themselves may need a health check.

You do know your experience isn't universal, right?

Again, what happened in your school isn't universal practice. What would they have done if the child was incapable of cleaning themselves? Or if it was written into the child's EHCP that they were required to have help with toileting and changing?

@Eyerollcentral it's not preferable for there to be two members of staff present for changes, and it's not asking schools to abandon their safeguarding policies. I've checked the policy of my local school that my kids will eventually be going to, and it very clearly states that changes should be done by one person where possible, and that they should avoid having two people unless it is specifically necessary in that situation.

Whilst that's just one school, these policies are often very similar everywhere.

Thankfully when my child wet himself in reception his teachers were lovely and helped him change into his PE kit and bagged up his wet clothes. It might not be part of the official job description, but I don't think you should sign up to work with four year olds if you have no empathy for children, and would be prepared to just let them sit in shit all day.

The op has said that this is a problem exclusively happening in school, and so the school needs to work out why that is and how they can help this little boy. It is a school problem if it only happens in that setting.

They helped him change because he was wet and could clean and change himself.

Poo is very different and parents are called to clean the child.

In this case it wasn’t noticed.

If the class teacher is teaching 30 children - who do you think will take the class for one child to be cleaned?

There’s a process -get the child assessed - this releases funding for staff to do X job

There’s a process -get the child assessed - this releases funding for staff to do X job

A diagnosis does not result in more funding.

Poo is very different and parents are called to clean the child.

Calling parents to clean their DC isn’t lawful.

OP considers this simple solution to be impossible.