AIBU to think this is unacceptable of the school

[anerki101]

My DS has suspected ASC. We have been waiting ages for a meeting with the school to discuss - that's another thread!

But anyway, DS is 4. Started school in Septemeber. He is 100% toilet trained nothing day and night. Never has accidents. Accept at school. If he doesn't do his daily poo at home after school, then he poos his pants at school. Its becoming an almost daily occurance. This started at the beginning of December. In all that time the staff have only noticed ONCE that he has had an accident and changed him.

Today I found out DS had done a poo in his pants between 12 and 1. I picked him up at 4:15. He'd been sitting in his own poo for three to four hours.

AIBU to think this is totally unacceptable?

The school are aware of these accidents. I have had several discussions with his teacher about preventing, etc. Nothing has worked so far but the biggest issue is that they aren't noticing he's had an accident and leaving him to sit in it all day.

🤣🤣🤣 We don’t have walkie talkies either 😂

So you don't have a TA? What do you do if a child throws up? Tell them to stay in their own vomit because you don't deal with medical problems?

Apply for an Ehcp now and change schools.

No, i don't have a TA! Are you serious? Have you worked in a school recently?

@Pumperthepumper

Ive worked in plenty of schools with that as the BARE minimum. If you have no phone, no walkie talkie and no TA your school needs to reassess their safeguarding procedures.

What do you do if a child throws up then?

No, you haven’t. Or if you have, you’ve worked in new build schools with high attainment.
Thanks for the advice, I’ll tell them we need more money ASAP, that should do the trick.

My son is 4, has ASD. No ehcp not toilet trained at all still in nappies and the school change him regularly throughout the day at set times and also if he does a poo they don’t mind at all

I'm a reception teacher and this sums it up perfectly! Obviously now it's been daily and he clearly doesn't tell them they need to start sending him to check. But they aren't magicians and if the room smells like poo (as it always does after lunch) how are they supposed to know? They aren't allowed to pull down his trousers and check.

Oh, my sons class have a permanent TA as well as the teacher. When DS was sick once, his teacher left the other 29 children with the TA and bought him out to the gate to meet me personally.

I send another kid to fetch the janitor OR another teacher to sit with the class.

Sounds like a great school for your son :)

@Pumperthepumper

Your funny pumper a new build? I wish.

We have walkie talkies ….. what on Earth would you do in an emergency? Leave the kids unattended I should imagine. Even on supply it’s either been a phone, a walkie talkie or a TA. I am talking about primary by the way.

But you want them to do that every single day? What if one of the other 29 children is sick?

Sorry, the other 27 children. :)

Yeah because they have nothing else to do but act as Poo Monitor for 30 kids.

Feel so so sorry for primary school teachers. No wonder there there are serious shortages of staff.

This is a small village based primary school.

I wonder if perhaps he'd be better off at another school locally that has a dedicated SEN unit. They have mainstream and SEN classes. I actually have an interview there this week for a SEN TA position.

I initially chose the small village school because DS is shy and I thought would be better suited to a smaller environment but perhaps not if they can't meet his needs.

We don’t have walkie talkies. We don’t have phones. We don’t have TAs. I’m also talking about Primary schools. This is education in 2023: there is no money. There’s also very little SEN provision, no educational psychologists, not QIOs. No buses for school trips, no funding for leaking roofs or expansion of buildings or for teacher retention.

If he doesn't do his daily poo at home after school, then he poos his pants at school. Its becoming an almost daily occurance.

It sounds like the issue is that he’s not doing his poo at home - I would work on this.

Has this been since they come back from Xmas or was this happening before?

On the weekends you need to keep a note of what time he is pooing.

I’m not sure what the school staff are expected to do if he refuses to use the school toilets even if they keep reminding him.

If he’s going around midday then bringing him home for lunch might be a good idea as a PP suggested.

I’m really surprised that no one smelt it as even a small amount stinks the room out.

Worst comes to worst he may need to use pull ups during the day and be taught how to clean himself up.

I have a few students with toileting issues and a couple do need to wear pulls ups because of it.
We can tell them to go, we can beg and plead or threaten to take away their free time - but we can’t actually force them to do a poo or wee if they say they don’t want one.
So instead we tell them to go to the toilet and it’s up to them whether they sit on it and try or not.

I feel sorry for my DS who is left covered in shit for 4 hours.

Probably, but he won’t get in unless his SEN are severe or violent.

Could you trial bringing him home for his lunch and see if this helps things? It’s not a permanent solution but might help until you can get a meeting with the SENCO.

I used to teach reception and although I agree it’s difficult to pin point accidents sometimes there really needs to be something put in place if this is happening regularly. Previous suggestions of non verbal signals/cards are good and I’ve used these in the past with children

He wouldn't be able to clean himself up.

Sending another child is incredibly poor practice. How would they be able to convey a sense of urgency in an emergency? Also if your school is so cash strapped then I would presume the teacher you have pulled from the other class is therefore leaving their class unattended.

A walkie talkie really is the way forward. It’s hardly ground breakingly expensive or high tech. You buzz straight through to reception in an emergency. A lot quicker and safer than your schools piss poor policy of just sending another kid to relay a message to the office. Disgusting.

Honestly, it doesn’t sound like your son is ready for school at all. Do you really feel that it’s worth the trauma for what he’s able to get out of it at such a young age with suspected neurodiversity? Could you consider trying again at a different school next year? Also, if he’s under 5 still, perhaps the health visitor might be able to advise.