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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Annoyed over school dinner

231 replies

Annoyedbadger · 09/01/2023 08:24

Name changed for this.

Dd has just started primary and has 2 nights a week at dad's. She's never been a fussy eater but started asking for packed lunches.
I said no as lunches are free and she's more likely to eat a better variety
She told me over Xmas her dad is sending her in with a packed lunch. I asked him and he's said on his days he's doing a packed lunch and on mine she's having school meals.
Aibu to think that's confusing and should have been discussed with me 1st?

OP posts:
ClubhouseGift · 09/01/2023 10:03

Annoyedbadger · 09/01/2023 09:40

Thank god someone gets it

Show quote history

But it’s absolutely none of your business what she does or eats or who she sees on his contact time.

He doesn’t need to communicate anything to you.

SnowAndIceLobelia · 09/01/2023 10:05

OP- IMO you are wrong on thsi one. To a certain extent what he does on his days is up to him. Providing it is not dangerous or illegal of course. If the school meals are free then there is no cost to you, and if he is providing packed lunches then there is no cost to you. You just tell your DD that she has school lunches on your days. This is not the argument you want to be having. Save your energy for something that actually matters.

ifonly4 · 09/01/2023 10:19

Why is she asking for a packed lunch? Could be she's eating hot dinners but not really enjoying them - I've tasted some school dinners and to be honest I'd only eat them if there was nothing else.

Many children have a mix of hot dinners and packed lunches each week, so don't see why this would cause confusion. If your DD forgets one day and goes in for a hot dinner, if she not on the register she'll be asked to check if there's a packed lunch in her bag.

Skyeheather · 09/01/2023 10:19

DS had a mixture of packed lunches and school meals - it depends what's on the school menu. They have fish & chips on a Friday and very few have a packed lunch on that day. Nobody finds it confusing.

zingally · 09/01/2023 10:21

I don't see the problem personally.

CaramelMach · 09/01/2023 10:24

This is definitely about angst against the ex not the packed lunches.

It's tempting to displace the issues but not helpful here. It's just insignificant!

Mari9999 · 09/01/2023 10:24

Maybe , for your daughter ,it is less about lunch and more about dad doing something special for her. If that is the case, how is that in any way a bad thing?

Let them have their arrangement, but make it clear to her that you are not changing a thing about arrangement.

It is a wise woman who picks her battles.

UWhatNow · 09/01/2023 10:26

It would depend on what he was he giving her for me. If it was nutritional and had vegetables and fruit I’d be ok with it. I used to pack my children lovely, varied and healthy lunchboxes. If it’s just a cheap processed ham roll and a mini roll I’d be saying he wasn’t providing any of her 5 a day and it’s not good enough.

Starlightstarbright1 · 09/01/2023 10:26

Annoyedbadger · 09/01/2023 09:42

I'm prepared to be told I'm wrong. I just don't think I am.

Show quote history

I think your wrong.

Its fine Dad can do packed lunch school dinners my days..

drspouse · 09/01/2023 10:27

Annoyedbadger · 09/01/2023 08:34

I'll be getting pestered for packed lunches now.

My DD (who is now in KS2) gets packed lunches when she goes to holiday club, she pesters me for packed lunches in term time but we say no. Problem solved.

Floralnomad · 09/01/2023 10:31

Annoyedbadger · 09/01/2023 09:06

Because he barely saw her for 2 years and now he's got a gf he wants involvement. He doesn't know what she likes or dislikes

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He knows how to pack a lunch she likes apparently

ArtixLynx · 09/01/2023 10:37

i dont think being annoyed initially about it was wrong, but i think STAYING annoyed about it is.

Let it go. She has packed lunch from dad, school dinners from you. its fine.

Squirespot · 09/01/2023 10:37

UWhatNow · 09/01/2023 10:26

It would depend on what he was he giving her for me. If it was nutritional and had vegetables and fruit I’d be ok with it. I used to pack my children lovely, varied and healthy lunchboxes. If it’s just a cheap processed ham roll and a mini roll I’d be saying he wasn’t providing any of her 5 a day and it’s not good enough.

As the child's other parent, I am not sure how you would make him do what you wanted?

OP cannot police everything her ex does, he has autonomy when he has custody.

JanglyBeads · 09/01/2023 10:40

OP, I've been there: it's really hard to relinquish control of things like your DC's food intake, and issues when you're just learning how things work in primary school.

Also as PP said, you pick your battles - and hope that there aren't any bigger ones along the line, who knows.

Especially hard, but the right thing to do esp if courts are ever involved, is to support your ex's parenting when it is normal and not unsafe "How lovely that Daddy gives you packed lunches! You have some days of that, when you sit with friend X, and some days of school dinners, when you can sit with friend Y/ go out to play earlier/whatever!"

iklboo · 09/01/2023 10:52

I'm prepared to be told I'm wrong. I just don't think I am.

So why start a thread if you're just going to ignore the 90-odd perfect who think you are? You didn't expect everyone to say it's a non-issue, did you?

TheOrigRights · 09/01/2023 10:54

What's confusing about it?

IamnotSethRogan · 09/01/2023 10:56

Because he barely saw her for 2 years and now he's got a gf he wants involvement. He doesn't know what she likes or dislikes

He knows she doesn't like school dinners...

About24 · 09/01/2023 10:56

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns and so we've agreed to take this down.

JudgeRudy · 09/01/2023 10:57

I don't really think anyone has to discuss anything minor that's happening on 'their' days. If Dad is happy to make a pack up and you daughter's eating it what's the problem?
Does she eat her school meal? Is she coming home ravenous?
YABU to create problems where there are none

ArmWrestlingWithChasNDave · 09/01/2023 10:58

UWhatNow · 09/01/2023 10:26

It would depend on what he was he giving her for me. If it was nutritional and had vegetables and fruit I’d be ok with it. I used to pack my children lovely, varied and healthy lunchboxes. If it’s just a cheap processed ham roll and a mini roll I’d be saying he wasn’t providing any of her 5 a day and it’s not good enough.

And of course if he messaged you to say a dinner you provided wasn't good enough, you'd be fine with that.

FeelingwearyFeeelingsmall · 09/01/2023 10:59

Lol. So why ask?

Stag82 · 09/01/2023 11:15

Sorry op but this is a non issue. The child is being fed. When co-parenting it is best to ignore as much as possible because there will be many times when there are real issues you have to navigate.

Movingonup2023 · 09/01/2023 11:15

Annoyedbadger · 09/01/2023 09:42

I'm prepared to be told I'm wrong. I just don't think I am.

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This gave me laugh. Despite the figures u still don’t think your wrong therefore don’t think u are prepared to hear your wrong!

JimHensonWasAGenius · 09/01/2023 11:31

You sound pissed off that he is making the effort and you are not.

Just tell her you can't be arsed to do it.

Mammajay · 09/01/2023 11:31

Why should your choice as mum overrule his as dad? Would he be right to insist she has packed lunches on the days she is with you?

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