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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Annoyed over school dinner

231 replies

Annoyedbadger · 09/01/2023 08:24

Name changed for this.

Dd has just started primary and has 2 nights a week at dad's. She's never been a fussy eater but started asking for packed lunches.
I said no as lunches are free and she's more likely to eat a better variety
She told me over Xmas her dad is sending her in with a packed lunch. I asked him and he's said on his days he's doing a packed lunch and on mine she's having school meals.
Aibu to think that's confusing and should have been discussed with me 1st?

OP posts:
Changingplace · 09/01/2023 08:42

Annoyedbadger · 09/01/2023 08:34

I'll be getting pestered for packed lunches now.

So just say no and explain she gets packed lunches when she’s with her dad.

It’s really not a big deal to get hung up about.

NoSquirrels · 09/01/2023 08:42

Sounds like the perfect solution, tbh.

She gets what she wants 2 days a week, and you don’t have to back down on ‘school dinners are better for you.’ Plus you never have to make the packed lunch.

Mine always took/had a mixture.

SerenaTee · 09/01/2023 08:43

He has as much right as you do to decide what he wants his child to eat, why do you think your view is more important than his?

arethereanyleftatall · 09/01/2023 08:45

Yabu. He can parent how he wants, neglect aside (this isn't). You can parent how you want. You get zero control (neglect aside) over how he parents. This isn't remotely confusing for a child. If she wants a pack lunch from you 'no darling, it's a waste of money, you can have the school lunches for free'

Cheeseandlobster · 09/01/2023 08:46

Controlling much. Seriously this is not worth battling about. It's not costing you anything which was your main concern in your first post so let him do what he wants on his days

MajorCarolDanvers · 09/01/2023 08:46

Pick your battles. This is not worth it.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 09/01/2023 08:47

Annoyedbadger · 09/01/2023 08:34

I'll be getting pestered for packed lunches now.

That's not his problem. You can say no. He's perfectly entitled to give her packed lunches in his time if he wishes.

Iamnotthe1 · 09/01/2023 08:47

Whether you're right to be annoyed depends on what you did when your daughter first asked to switch to packed lunches. Did you discuss it with her father and decide together? If not, you're expecting that you can make decisions unilaterally about your shared child but objecting when he makes a decision specifically about his time and his care of your shared child. That would be entirely unreasonable.

ChangingTheChannel · 09/01/2023 08:50

Annoyedbadger · 09/01/2023 08:34

I'll be getting pestered for packed lunches now.

That’s for you to manage. If she’s so desperate to not have school dinners, maybe she really doesn’t like them, and if you can afford it, should consider doing packed lunches for her. Isn’t it better that she at least gets lunches she likes on her dads days than not at all.

QuietYou · 09/01/2023 08:50

If her Dad asked you to start sending packed lunch because DD was pestering him for school dinner and he thought mix and match was confusing and packed lunch was best what would you say?

Onceuponaheartache · 09/01/2023 08:57

You are being ridiculous.

What happens on his watch is his decision not yours.

As for seeing the school dinners...have you really? My dd flat out refuses some of the meals at school because she doesn't like them or does like them at home but doesn't like the way they are provided at school. For example she will eat roast beef at home but it is pre sliced and cooked from frozen so it is sloppy and quite frankly it is vile.

If you want her to eat (or not) the school dinner then that is your choice on your days.

Onceuponaheartache · 09/01/2023 08:58

The pre sliced and sloppy is the school dinner

Mariposista · 09/01/2023 09:02

His time, his rules. If she pesters you for a packed lunch on your days, say no. That's your time and your rules.

CaramelMach · 09/01/2023 09:03

Of the battles you will face in coming years of school matters this one isn't one to get hot under the collar about.

Tell her clearly how it is and don't relent.

She will understand.

PumpkinDart · 09/01/2023 09:04

Of course he didn't need to discuss with you first, how controlling of you. Pick your battles, this is not one worth anyone's time.

SoupDragon · 09/01/2023 09:04

Aibu to think that's confusing and should have been discussed with me 1st?

Did you discuss your decision with him?

Whinge · 09/01/2023 09:05

I wish more parents would listen when their child asks for a packed lunch. Some of the school dinners are vile, and there have been plenty of times where i've seen children refuse to eat anything. Sad

Original poster
Annoyedbadger · 09/01/2023 09:06

SerenaTee · 09/01/2023 08:43

He has as much right as you do to decide what he wants his child to eat, why do you think your view is more important than his?

Because he barely saw her for 2 years and now he's got a gf he wants involvement. He doesn't know what she likes or dislikes

OP posts:
Oldfox · 09/01/2023 09:07

Annoyedbadger · 09/01/2023 08:34

I'll be getting pestered for packed lunches now.

I'm going to guess you're an adult (as you have a child) you can say no

Original poster
Annoyedbadger · 09/01/2023 09:07

SoupDragon · 09/01/2023 09:04

Aibu to think that's confusing and should have been discussed with me 1st?

Did you discuss your decision with him?

Yes we agreed school dinners.

OP posts:
CatJumperTwat · 09/01/2023 09:08

Are you jealous that he's giving her what she wants and you aren't?

Beees · 09/01/2023 09:09

Annoyedbadger · 09/01/2023 09:07

Yes we agreed school dinners.

Show quote history

But that was presumably before she started school. She then decided she would rather be packed lunch and you said no.

I think part of the problem is you resent the fact he's listened to her and said yes and you made the decision for her and said no.

Sirzy · 09/01/2023 09:09

Annoyedbadger · 09/01/2023 09:07

Yes we agreed school dinners.

Show quote history

Was that agreed before or after she asked to move to packed lunches?

Original poster
Annoyedbadger · 09/01/2023 09:10

Sirzy · 09/01/2023 09:09

Was that agreed before or after she asked to move to packed lunches?

Show quote history

After as she eats the school meals and happily tells me what she's had.

OP posts:
LadyKenya · 09/01/2023 09:10

Annoyedbadger · 09/01/2023 09:06

Because he barely saw her for 2 years and now he's got a gf he wants involvement. He doesn't know what she likes or dislikes

Show quote history

Well, either you or your dd can fill him in then.

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