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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Annoyed over school dinner

231 replies

Annoyedbadger · 09/01/2023 08:24

Name changed for this.

Dd has just started primary and has 2 nights a week at dad's. She's never been a fussy eater but started asking for packed lunches.
I said no as lunches are free and she's more likely to eat a better variety
She told me over Xmas her dad is sending her in with a packed lunch. I asked him and he's said on his days he's doing a packed lunch and on mine she's having school meals.
Aibu to think that's confusing and should have been discussed with me 1st?

OP posts:
Wibbly1008 · 09/01/2023 08:26

She might not like the school lunches, have you seen them? They are not all great. If she is asking for packed lunch I would have no issue with that. How is it confusing that she has a varied lunch plan each week?

WandaWonder · 09/01/2023 08:26

So the child is eating the food however it is provided

Issue is?

ibblebibbledibble · 09/01/2023 08:27

Not sure what the issue is here.

Wibbly1008 · 09/01/2023 08:27

…my dd has both depending on what friend she wants to sit with!

TheChosenTwo · 09/01/2023 08:28

Having worked in schools the lunches I’ve seen are terrible and I never fed my kids them. I appreciate that other schools may have much better lunches but the ones I saw on plates (and then subsequently in the bin) were bad. Not down to the kitchen staff I may add!
Can you afford to feed her lunches yourself?

Beees · 09/01/2023 08:29

What would discussing it have achieved you've already said she can't have packed lunches OK your days so her dad asking wouldn't have made a difference.

It's totally fine for her to have pack lunch on his days and not at all confusing. To be honest I've never taught in a school where the school lunches were that nice so many children have packed lumch

daybroke · 09/01/2023 08:29

This wouldn't bother me.

Original poster
Annoyedbadger · 09/01/2023 08:30

She eats the school dinners. I've seen them. They are alot better than a ham sandwich and mini roll

OP posts:
daybroke · 09/01/2023 08:30

He can decide what to do when she's with him.

Strawblue · 09/01/2023 08:31

Pick your battles - this is not one to go to war over.

Many children mix n match school meals and packed lunches according to what they like. We do this and it has never caused confusion for DS(7). Also, it’s widely known that school meals are not usually particularly good quality and small in volume.

TildaRae · 09/01/2023 08:31

Yes totally fine for the packed lunches on his days. I wouldn’t have an issue with this at all.

my DS is KS1 and takes a packed lunch daily as he’s not keen on the school dinner options.

Beees · 09/01/2023 08:32

Annoyedbadger · 09/01/2023 08:30

She eats the school dinners. I've seen them. They are alot better than a ham sandwich and mini roll

So what's the actual issue?

She eats the school dinners and she eats the packed lunches.

Either way she's fed and its not costing you anything if he wants to send her with a packed lunch.

I really don't understand why this would even be a problem?

ChangingTheChannel · 09/01/2023 08:33

Confusing for who?

He probably should have mentioned it but I can’t see any real issue. She gets lunch from dad and probably one she prefers.

startfresh · 09/01/2023 08:33

Isn't it nice he's making the effort to make her a packed lunch and where's the harm if she likes it?

I've seen so many threads where the dad refuses to make, forces the mum to pay for school lunches or send the packed lunch ingredients etc.

I think it's nice she gets some packed lunches and some school lunches. I had a mix when younger and it was such a nice variety.

Chaiandchocolate · 09/01/2023 08:33

It’s their choice on the days that she is with him. Choose your arguments wisely.

Original poster
Annoyedbadger · 09/01/2023 08:34

I'll be getting pestered for packed lunches now.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 09/01/2023 08:35

She is eating. If he had spoken to you what would it have changed?

Tallulah28 · 09/01/2023 08:36

Annoyedbadger · 09/01/2023 08:34

I'll be getting pestered for packed lunches now.

So what? Say no. If he’s happy to make packed lunches and she eats them then this is a non issue. You can’t control what he does when she’s with him.

startfresh · 09/01/2023 08:36

Or is the annoying part you can't/don't want to afford packed lunch ingredients when she gets FSM? (Completely understandable) and it's annoying that she prefers the lunch on dad's days?

In which case, just let him take the win on this one. Not something to get worked up about (and I'm someone who gets annoyed over everything 😂)

daisyjgrey · 09/01/2023 08:36

Not the hill to die one. Especially this early on in the school process.

oudie · 09/01/2023 08:39

So what if she has packed lunch sometimes?

It doesn't need to be discussed with you first. As long as he is providing lunch then it's not your business how he does it.

As for you 'getting pestered' - that's what children do. You can say no.

WandaWonder · 09/01/2023 08:39

Is one of those issues is not really an issue but seeing and ex-partner came with the idea it is an issue?

daybroke · 09/01/2023 08:40

Annoyedbadger · 09/01/2023 08:34

I'll be getting pestered for packed lunches now.

Say no.

Ihatepcos · 09/01/2023 08:40

Would you have discussed it with him first if you started to give her packed lunches?

Timide · 09/01/2023 08:41

WandaWonder · 09/01/2023 08:39

Is one of those issues is not really an issue but seeing and ex-partner came with the idea it is an issue?

This!