Annoyed over school dinner

[Annoyedbadger]

Name changed for this.

Dd has just started primary and has 2 nights a week at dad's. She's never been a fussy eater but started asking for packed lunches.
I said no as lunches are free and she's more likely to eat a better variety
She told me over Xmas her dad is sending her in with a packed lunch. I asked him and he's said on his days he's doing a packed lunch and on mine she's having school meals.
Aibu to think that's confusing and should have been discussed with me 1st?

I'm going to go against the grain here. I may be wrong but I feel that the OP is perhaps more annoyed at the lack of communication from her ex. They agreed school lunches and he changed that without communicating with her.

Had he said look I know she likes the lunches, but she would also like a packed lunch on the odd day how about school dinners on your days and packed lunches on mine. I feel the Op would not be so upset.

She would then not have been caught off guard by the "but daddy gives me packed lunch", and could have been prepared with something like I know, on daddy's day it's packed lunch and on my school dinner that means you get a nice variety.

@MangoBiscuit absolutely, esp re the future.

We review our kids school dinner options every week on an app and then choose school dinner or packed lunch for each day depending on what is on offer. So they have a different combination of dinners and packed lunches every week. They are not 'confused'.

Not an issue at all. Plenty of children have a packed lunch some days and school dinner some days. DD is in reception and it is part of their register. They have to answer to their name and confirm if that day they are having packed lunch, jacket potato or the daily hot option.

Mine both want packed lunches. We've just said no. Said we will resist it once they are both in KS2 and both not getting free lunches.

Yes they pester, kids pester about loads of stuff. It's not a big deal.

I see no issue

YABU. It’s none of your business what she does on his contact time.

If wants to provide packed lunches that’s absolutely his call and nothing to do with you.

If she prefers packed lunches, why don't you give her them then?
You sound extremely petty and jealous.
Stop being cheap and trying to justify it by saying she likes the school dinners.
We all know school dinners are awful 🤣

This is a parenting decision he is entitled to make for his parenting time, as you are entitled to choose free school meals for your parenting time. Live and let live. There are other things were dialogue and consistency is important, this is not one. It's best to let the small things go, so you can get along when it comes to the big things.

It's remarkable how often threads about exes and kids are really about the OP wanting to get one over/stick the boot into/otherwise control their ex, via the medium of their shared children.

I don't see an issue tbh. You provide a lunch when she is with you, and he provides a lunch when she is with him. No need for either of you to be involved in the choice of lunch the other makes.

Out of interest, do you expect to have an input into her dinner options when she is with her dad? What's the difference between dinner and lunch?

Several things to unpack here.

You think the school lunches are better but she has specifically requested packed lunches.

If you get pestered for packed lunches, so what? Just say no.

It doesn’t matter if he didn’t see her for two years or if he doesn’t know her likes/dislikes. He is seeing her now and responding to what she is saying she wants.

Sorry, OP. I do think you're making this into an issue for the sake of it.

I'm sure if your ex try to control what you did with your daughter on your days you'd be posting about how it's nothing to do with him. The same goes for you on his days.

Thank god someone gets it

Not letting you know is the issue. School lunches can be awful, or lack variety, or often be very different from what a child has at home.

It's not that 99% of posters 'don't get it' op, it's that they 'think you're wrong'.

YABU - your DD is happy and is getting fed. No need to make a big deal out of it.

Well presumably he DOES as she is happy with what he gives her. And she can speak yes and TELL HIM?

Mountain and mole hill come to mind.

Your battles will get much bigger than this if you aren't careful. You are obviously hung up on him not bothering with her for 2 years. Understandable. But if now he is doing the right thing, you have to park your feelings about it.

I'm prepared to be told I'm wrong. I just don't think I am.

You sound petty and ridiculous. Your DD will let you know if it’s something she doesn’t want to do and if you can’t be bothered to make her a nice packed lunch it reflects more on you than her DF.

Sorry OP it’s annoying for you but he can do what he likes on his days. At least she’s getting fed one way or another, and she’s happy with it.

Everyone else thinks you are.

But this isn't a significant parenting decision. He's not refused to get her vaccinated, or pierced her ears, or taken her out of school for a holiday.

If DH decided to start making packed lunches on the morning he does drop off I wouldn't expect him to discuss it with me. He wants to make more work for himself he can do so.

I'll be getting pestered for packed lunches now

Just do what you want on your days. I would pick a different battle. It's not that confusing if it's the same day each week. I think you're making this about yourself & what suits you best rather than what DD wants. Maybe she doesn't especially like school dinners 🤷🏻‍♀️

So what on Earth was the point of posting then?

Yours will be the one post the OP agrees with 😂