Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Annoyed over school dinner

231 replies

Annoyedbadger · 09/01/2023 08:24

Name changed for this.

Dd has just started primary and has 2 nights a week at dad's. She's never been a fussy eater but started asking for packed lunches.
I said no as lunches are free and she's more likely to eat a better variety
She told me over Xmas her dad is sending her in with a packed lunch. I asked him and he's said on his days he's doing a packed lunch and on mine she's having school meals.
Aibu to think that's confusing and should have been discussed with me 1st?

OP posts:
EndlessRain1 · 09/01/2023 09:10

YABU. It's a non-issue. My kids swap between the two and noone is confused. You can't dictate how your ex parents.

Original poster
Annoyedbadger · 09/01/2023 09:10

CatJumperTwat · 09/01/2023 09:08

Are you jealous that he's giving her what she wants and you aren't?

Nope.

OP posts:
oudie · 09/01/2023 09:11

I don't think the lunch is the problem here, is it?

Sounds like you are unhappy he has a new girlfriend. Even if she is the catalyst for him becoming more involved you should see it as a positive.

Your DD will be fine with either lunch, she won't be fine if she picks up on 'mum is unhappy with dad' vibes.

Oldfox · 09/01/2023 09:12

Seriously, pick your battles, let him do what he wants on his days, and you just keep doing what you want on your days.

Remember you are the one in charge, and if you want her to have school dinners for whatever reason, repeat repeat repeat. Like any other perstering - you are the boss (on your days)

daybroke · 09/01/2023 09:12

Can't she just tell him she doesn't like stuff?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 09/01/2023 09:12

This doesn’t sound like an issue to me.

What is annoying is when they’re in the juniors, you hold the school dinner account and pay for them, they never offer to pay for any school dinners and would refuse if asked, but never ever send a packed lunch on their days even when the child dislikes the school meal. Because it’s free to them, innit?

Beezknees · 09/01/2023 09:13

What a complete non issue.

BabyFour2023 · 09/01/2023 09:13

YABU. Dad is not. Why are you making your daughter eat lunches she doesn’t want just because it’s free?

Original poster
Annoyedbadger · 09/01/2023 09:13

oudie · 09/01/2023 09:11

I don't think the lunch is the problem here, is it?

Sounds like you are unhappy he has a new girlfriend. Even if she is the catalyst for him becoming more involved you should see it as a positive.

Your DD will be fine with either lunch, she won't be fine if she picks up on 'mum is unhappy with dad' vibes.

No issues with new gf. I'm in a relationship too and I don't want my ex back at all

OP posts:
ReiRay · 09/01/2023 09:13

Why do you need all the control? She might not like the dinners, just because they are free doesn't mean they are nice.

Beees · 09/01/2023 09:14

Annoyedbadger · 09/01/2023 09:10

Nope.

Show quote history

Are you sure because that's exactly how it's coming across.

She asked to change and you ignored her and said no and he said OK you can have packed lunches and now you're cross because he listened and you didn't.

If she's fussy there is no way she's eating all the school meals. Trust me even the least fussiest child I've met had some school meals they didn't want to eat.

EmmaDilemma5 · 09/01/2023 09:14

I work in a primary school and I would send my child in with a packed lunch. Have you ever seen school dinners? They're tiny and often not very nutritional at all. Lots of kids eat a few forkfuls and shove the rest in the bin.

Your daughter's dad has the right to do what he feels is best when she's with him.

Original poster
Annoyedbadger · 09/01/2023 09:15

BabyFour2023 · 09/01/2023 09:13

YABU. Dad is not. Why are you making your daughter eat lunches she doesn’t want just because it’s free?

I've already said this. She likes the lunches. She eats them and tells me about them.

OP posts:
BatshitBanshee · 09/01/2023 09:15

YABU and your issue isn't with the lunch, it's because it's her dad making them and he's got a new girlfriend. At least try and be mature about it - your daughter asked, he provides and she likes them. No issue.

You, on the other hand, who doesn't want to be "pestered" for a bloody packed lunch and making your kid eat school lunches because they're free are picking a weird fucking hill to die on.

If the genders were reversed on this post 🤯

PollyEsther · 09/01/2023 09:15

OP: AIBU?
Everyone: Yes
OP: No I'm not, waaaaah, not listening!

(Reader, the OP was, indeed, wrong).

BabyFour2023 · 09/01/2023 09:16

Annoyedbadger · 09/01/2023 09:15

I've already said this. She likes the lunches. She eats them and tells me about them.

Show quote history

So why is she asking for packed lunches then?

Sceptre86 · 09/01/2023 09:16

Will your school allow it? I was sending mine in with a pack lunch once a fortnight as they qouldntbeat the sandwich option that day School told me I couldn't do that and it was either school lunch or packed lunch.

If your school will then I don't see it as an issue unless you'd struggle from a cost point of view and time.

EmmaDilemma5 · 09/01/2023 09:16

Annoyedbadger · 09/01/2023 09:06

Because he barely saw her for 2 years and now he's got a gf he wants involvement. He doesn't know what she likes or dislikes

Show quote history

But your daughter can talk and express herself clearly, after all you say she told you she eats her school dinners.

So she can tell dad what she likes to eat.

oudie · 09/01/2023 09:17

No issues with new gf. I'm in a relationship too and I don't want my ex back at all

That's not what I said, or meant.

This discussion is a waste of time for everyone though as you don't seem to be asking for any reason other than validation. You are not getting it and reacting to every sensible post defensively.

It's lunch. Your DD gets lunch. It's fine.

Whinge · 09/01/2023 09:19

Annoyedbadger · 09/01/2023 09:15

I've already said this. She likes the lunches. She eats them and tells me about them.

Show quote history

I've seen plenty of children who refuse to eat even a mouthful. When i've discussed this with their parents / carers the usual response is "oh they love the dinners, they eat XYZ all the time at home"

Just because she's talking about the dinners doesn't mean she's actually eating the food.

feathermucker · 09/01/2023 09:20

Your desire not to be annoyed doesn't trump his desire to send her in with packed lunches.

Will there be more drip feeds to try and justify your annoyance?

MangoBiscuit · 09/01/2023 09:21

OP, I think I can relate. ExH was barely involved with our 2 DDs for almost 10 years. He was so lazy and uninterested. He was still crap after we divorced, until the girlfriend moved in, then suddenly he wants to be father of the year. Whilst I'm really happy for our girls that he actually wants to make some sort of effort for them, sometimes it's a bit galling. Introducing new rules, and trying to insist I follow them too, no thank you. I know he has parental responsibilty same as I do, but when he's been such an equal parent for years, it feels like a bit of a piss take now.

Having said all that, this is not the hill to die on. If he wants to do packed lunches, that's his choice. He will no doubt choose to do some things differently from you, and that's ok. Yes it's annoying that you had both agreed and he changed his mind, and didn't warn you, but there's a good chance there will be far greater annoyances later on. Use this one as a practice run for letting the small stuff wash over you.

MangoBiscuit · 09/01/2023 09:21

*such an UNequal parent

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 09/01/2023 09:23

One of the things with co parenting is that you have to sometimes let them do their thing and you do your thing, esp in cases like this where there’s no “right” answer.

His packed lunches don’t cost you anything and it’s probably nice for her to have a mixture. She may be asking for packed lunches so as to sit with certain friends, for example, and it’s up to the parent with care on the day to decide if that’s allowed.

Testina · 09/01/2023 09:28

Confusing? 🤣
Don’t be silly. Daddy: packed lunch. Mummy: school dinner. What’s confusing?
Mine had a packed lunch on the days when there was recorder club. Didn’t confuse her.
Sure she might say, “but daddy does a packed lunch” - but then you just parent and say that’s nice for her then, but you’re still not doing it. It’s fine to tell her that school dinners are free.

Swipe left for the next trending thread