Limerance

[MissTakenForAnother]

I've seen a couple of threads recently where the word "limerence" has been used. It's not a word I'm familiar with so have googled it.

AIBU to be confused about it? Isn't it just a crush where you fantasise about a possible happy ever after future, or is there much more to it?

Where do you draw the line between a crush and limerence?

Any examples may be helpful.

Thanks!

Yes, but it’s still really obvious even if there is no stalking as such and, as a PP said, really scary to have that focus on you.

A sufferer on this thread says:

It takes over your life. It's an obsession and I would suggest almost like a mental health issue.

It's like a drug and you'll do ANYTHING to get your fix. Whether it's stalking obsessively on social media to "accidentally" bumping into them and thinking about them 24/7.

How is that different to stalking and obsession?

I'd say limerence describes a feeling.

Stalking (or not) is describes actions.

I'm assuming not everyone who feels limerence stalks the object of their desires - and not everyone who stalks a person does so because of feeling limerence towards them.

I would like to know - is it still called limerence if the feeling is returned in equal measure?

@Orangepolentacake what hobby do you recommend for me? Stalking?

A couple of years ago there was a long running thread in the relationships topic on here. It made for shocking reading and was eventually deleted and all are nots to revive it, deleted also

It was filled with women and some men and they would swap tales of stalkery and how to do it 'properly' and giving hints and tips on tracking others.

It was scary as fuck and was rightfully zapped in the end.

Limerence loons.

I imagine there is a fairly big overalapp on a venn diagram

But according to limerent people on this thread they engineer meetings, hang out the same places, watch from afar and check social media.

🤷🏼‍♀️

I didn't like it when it was done to me.

And I REALLY didn't like the thought that some creepy fucker with an obsession about me was using me for fuel for his wank bank.

lol
I LOVE a venn diagram 😀

I would love to check my spelling more thoroughly before before hitting post

Isn’t it limerence ? Just saying

Is it limerance or a crush if you do this at age 16? 😬

Isn’t limerence connected to what used to be called erotomania?

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erotomania

Also known as de Clérambault's Syndrome.

I’ve had crushes but never anything as extreme as Limerence. I’ve read that emotional neglect in childhood can be a risk factor for developing limerence.

It is, and the second post on here apologises for the spelling mistake. Just saying.

Stalking is a set of behaviours perpetrated in the world. Limerence is a set of intense feelings and intrusive thoughts about a person. They're not the same thing, nor they do they inevitably overlap.

I'm going with this description.

Pretty sure I was mildly limerant about the young hot/fit physio who cured my sciatica. Truly, I thought about him A LOT and wished I was younger and single so we could take it further. But I got over it.

He never did anything stupid like send me text messages, or call me, or ask to meet me somewhere.... that's where the obsession part would have arrived methinks?

I can well understand the dopamine hit you'd get from text flirtations etc. But I agree limerance must rely more on actions, if that makes sense.

So the limerent people here who arrange to accidentally meet up with people in the same space or who check social media - that's not limerence?

The affair relationship in fatal attraction is often likened to borderline personality disorder, quite frequently by folks with BPD.

Limerence is definitely not a childish word or another word for a crush. It's devastating for those involved. I wish people wouldn't minimise it.

I think the media discovered limerence and started writing about it, mostly inaccurately. Most casual references to limerence on forums seem to be about behaviour, whether unhealthy approaches to relationships or outright stalking. Not limerence.

Honestly. Being limerented over nearly broke me.

I still feel panicky thinking about it.

I've been on the receiving end of this before. It was very unpleasant all on their side, not a nice feeling at all. Based on their physical attraction to me, and built up this idea of me that was not real.

I'd turned them down and they were quite rude to me afterwards and still are. I heard about it from mutual friends that he was still in love (love? really?) with me. I hope they've snapped out of it now.

Just read your posts @daybroke

Completely agree. It's difficult to describe how horrible it feels.

Absolutely agree. It made me feel really violated. Even when he wasn't anywhere near me the thought that he obsessing over me and daydreaming about me and watching my social media made me feel sick.

I've been stalked by a woman, stalking is not exclusive to men.

I've also been limerent when I was younger, it's about uncontrollable thoughts about an object of desire, rather than actions.

It's like a crush only it won't go away.

I mentioned on another thread that I had another person follow me late last year. I changed my route, and mostly drive when I need to commute in now. Another occasion it looked like they'd (same person) been waiting and they stepped forward to look at me. Local area, though we plan to move this year.

Is that limerence or stalking or both. I don't know.