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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP won't lend me his carrier bags

707 replies

Feelquiteisolated · 08/01/2023 23:16

I know this sounds totally ridiculous but DP and I had a fall out today over carrier bags.

DP is organised, he carries 3 carrier bags in his coat and more in his car and house. I spend most weekends at his house and I have bags in my car but none in my coat. Today we went shopping and I had no bags. Had I been alone I would have bought some, but he had some. He wouldn't loan me one of his 3 in his pockets, and said I needed to buy my own.

I was not happy. I bought his lunch and dinner yesterday and during the shopping trip he added an item that cost £1.30 so I was like "well I'm worth a 20p bag!"

He ended up loaning me the bag but tonight he expressed his unhappiness on WhatsApp. He said I have no right to spoil his systems, I don't respect him, he doesn't want my mess adding to his mess. He said it's a tragedy because he can see himself ending up with no bags.

He said I need to know my behaviour was not acceptable. But I really just think if he has something I need why would he make me buy it, it feels humiliating to me. But perhaps I'm missing the point and I need to pay for not being organised.

I feel like I generally pay for more than him, well no, I know this is true. I pay for 80% of our meals out, I drive over 50% of the time, I buy him treats etc.

So he said all that and then said for me to stop being dramatic because he was going to bed. This was before 9.30pm. I'm left feeling a bit abandoned, isolated and lonely. I don't really think I'm a needy person but I feel this way quite often.

This is totally outing if he reads it, but oh well.

AIBU? should I buy and carry my own bags and buy them while out even if I would only need to borrow for a short time?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
MXVIT · 08/01/2023 23:19

Youre having us on.

If not then dump him because his reaction isnt normal

Walrus6 · 08/01/2023 23:19

Is this a reverse?

NancyVicious · 08/01/2023 23:20

Dump him. That's right as fuck

BabyOnBoard90 · 08/01/2023 23:20

Loool I can't believe some of the stories sometimes on this forum.

YANBU but this would make a great sketch

NancyVicious · 08/01/2023 23:20

Tight*

Beachsidesunset · 08/01/2023 23:21

Yes, it sounds totally ridiculous.

neverknowinglyunreasonable · 08/01/2023 23:21

It sounds like there is a lot of troublesome baggage in this relationship

Thatiswild · 08/01/2023 23:21

I’ve been trying to work out if this is some cryptic analogy to something I should know about but if this is genuine, yanbu and it sounds like too much hard work, you’re being told off for asking to use a carrier bag? I think so has shown you who they are and I’d be saying bye!

PerpetualFailure · 08/01/2023 23:21

Presumably he is like this often? What do you get out the relationship? I don't think you deserve such derision.

youshouldnthaveasked · 08/01/2023 23:21

Please don’t think about moving in with him. Get out, he’s a very strange man

dudsville · 08/01/2023 23:22

This guy's response at the time in the shop and then by WhatsApp later falls well outside the mean. Don't let his unique perspective sway you from your grip on reality. It's his anxiety that he's trying to manage and he's trying to blame you for the increase in anxiety that he suffered at the request to share his bag. This has nothing to do with you.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 08/01/2023 23:22

Why do you not take shopping bags with you whenever you to go a shop?

Looks like you were picking a fight to be honest, if you could have bought one anyway.

VioletPickles · 08/01/2023 23:23

how can you still be attracted to this man. Get out while you still can.
Shopping bags. Jesus wept.

HeddaGarbled · 08/01/2023 23:24

I pay for 80% of our meals out, I drive over 50% of the time, I buy him treats etc

Well stop that, for starters.

PurpleButterflyWings · 08/01/2023 23:24

Confused The phrase 'pick your battles' springs to mind here!

VioletPickles · 08/01/2023 23:24

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 08/01/2023 23:22

Why do you not take shopping bags with you whenever you to go a shop?

Looks like you were picking a fight to be honest, if you could have bought one anyway.

But if he had spare bags, surely it’s reasonable to lend her one?

butterfliedtwo · 08/01/2023 23:25

That's proper ridiculous. He sounds unbearable tbh. A tragedy? Does he even know what the word means?

If this is not a wind-up, dump and save yourself the aggro.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 08/01/2023 23:25

That’s bonkers about the bags. Utterly bonkers.

“You need to know it’s unacceptable” and “Ill end up with no bags” - who says stuff like that?

And why are you paying for so much more than he is?

MsVestibule · 08/01/2023 23:25

This is possibly one of the most bonkers threads I've ever read on MN, which is really saying something.

If this is true - please ditch him.
If it's not true - top trolling, very well done ⭐️.

Vaccine001 · 08/01/2023 23:26

Autism?

Divebar2021 · 08/01/2023 23:27

Why do you not take shopping bags with you whenever you to go a shop?

because sometimes you end up in a shop when you hadn’t planned to…none of us are perfect. In this circumstance once I’d twigged he was serious I would have bought a carrier bag. Hell would freeze over before I ever used his bag. I would then ask him for the cash for the item that you bought for him and I wouldnt drop it because that’s the level of pettiness he’s signing up for. If you stick with him 50/50 all the way.

PintOfCoffeePlease · 08/01/2023 23:27

It’s not really about the bags, is it…

Whatevergetsyouthroughthenight · 08/01/2023 23:28

Is he neuro diverse or OCD? Or do you have a track record of ‘borrowing’ stuff that he never sees again and this was the last (straw) bag? Only reasons I can think of for this behaviour.

Original poster
Feelquiteisolated · 08/01/2023 23:29

BabyOnBoard90 · 08/01/2023 23:20

Loool I can't believe some of the stories sometimes on this forum.

YANBU but this would make a great sketch

I know, I sometimes think that as well when I read threads on here.

But I suppose it's hard to see when you're stuck in the situation.

Thank you all for the comments. I feel quite upset about it, we have been together for 2 years now but we have a longer history.

OP posts:
Starlightstarbright1 · 08/01/2023 23:29

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 08/01/2023 23:22

Why do you not take shopping bags with you whenever you to go a shop?

Looks like you were picking a fight to be honest, if you could have bought one anyway.

I have a car full. I keep forgetting them.. My friends have loaned mr bags.

Sounds like hard work.