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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP won't lend me his carrier bags

707 replies

Feelquiteisolated · 08/01/2023 23:16

I know this sounds totally ridiculous but DP and I had a fall out today over carrier bags.

DP is organised, he carries 3 carrier bags in his coat and more in his car and house. I spend most weekends at his house and I have bags in my car but none in my coat. Today we went shopping and I had no bags. Had I been alone I would have bought some, but he had some. He wouldn't loan me one of his 3 in his pockets, and said I needed to buy my own.

I was not happy. I bought his lunch and dinner yesterday and during the shopping trip he added an item that cost £1.30 so I was like "well I'm worth a 20p bag!"

He ended up loaning me the bag but tonight he expressed his unhappiness on WhatsApp. He said I have no right to spoil his systems, I don't respect him, he doesn't want my mess adding to his mess. He said it's a tragedy because he can see himself ending up with no bags.

He said I need to know my behaviour was not acceptable. But I really just think if he has something I need why would he make me buy it, it feels humiliating to me. But perhaps I'm missing the point and I need to pay for not being organised.

I feel like I generally pay for more than him, well no, I know this is true. I pay for 80% of our meals out, I drive over 50% of the time, I buy him treats etc.

So he said all that and then said for me to stop being dramatic because he was going to bed. This was before 9.30pm. I'm left feeling a bit abandoned, isolated and lonely. I don't really think I'm a needy person but I feel this way quite often.

This is totally outing if he reads it, but oh well.

AIBU? should I buy and carry my own bags and buy them while out even if I would only need to borrow for a short time?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
uncomfortablydumb53 · 09/01/2023 00:20

Save your sanity and end it

Parrotid · 09/01/2023 00:20

Omg I want to hear more and more and more.

How does this prince persuade you to hop in the sac? I HAVE to know.

Is he weird about toilet roll? He is, isn’t he.

spuddel · 09/01/2023 00:21

YABU for still having this total arse in your life.

GarlicCrackers · 09/01/2023 00:21

Is he autistic/anxiety?

yorkshirepudsx · 09/01/2023 00:21

Parrotid · 09/01/2023 00:20

Omg I want to hear more and more and more.

How does this prince persuade you to hop in the sac? I HAVE to know.

Is he weird about toilet roll? He is, isn’t he.

Omg I used to wind up my partner by asking for ' a sac' at the checkout instead of a bag lol.

Please May I have one sac

Merryoldgoat · 09/01/2023 00:21

Do you actually like him? He sounds awful.

I’d have dumped him there and then I’m the shop. There is no way I’d get past his pettiness.

He may well be ND. You can be ND AND a cunt.

TangledWebOfDeception · 09/01/2023 00:21

Make 2023 the year where you get some peace from living this way.

Walk away.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 09/01/2023 00:22

Op, do you return things you borrow and put things you use back in their place or do you leave them in random places so they get lost?
This would affect my answer on who is being unreasonable here.

Even if she were regularly capricious in that way, this is (presumably nondescript) carrier bags worth less than £1 - especially when she already subs his lifestyle quite spectacularly.

WhereYouLeftIt · 09/01/2023 00:22

Feelquiteisolated · 08/01/2023 23:57

Thank you everyone.

As for paying for more, he doesn't want to eat out, he says that I do and it's inferior food so he shouldn't pay. But he has the same 3 meals every day. I don't like them (I don't hate them but I can't eat the same 3 meals every day) so when I'm there we have issues.

He criticises everything I do, he tells me to speed up if I'm doing 40 in a 50, he goes crazy if I drive at more than 55 on the motorway. This is my own car, that he contributes zero to. I shower wrong or at the wrong time. I moisturise my face wrong, I washed a cup wrong in his sink today and he flicked water in my face (there's never been any violence tho)

This must look like a total dripfeed, it's not, I'm just feeling a bit upset about the whole day but mostly him telling me I'm being dramatic and then going to bed leaving me feeling abandoned. To the poster that said this is a red flag, I totally agree!

"he has the same 3 meals every day."
By which I am taking you mean he eats the same thing every day for breakfast, he eats the same thing every day for lunch, and he eats the same thing every day for dinner? Which must be as tedious as reading my last sentence?

On that point alone, this man is not a keeper. In fact, on every point you've raised, this man is not a keeper. He is nothing but a rod for the back of any woman gullible enough to get into a relationship with him.

You don't live with him. That is a blessing.

Dump, dump, dump. I cannot even begin to imagine how miserable a life with this man would be. But it would be pretty fucking miserable.

You have been warned. (By his current behaviour, not by me.)

yorkshirepudsx · 09/01/2023 00:22

I'd of made a scene and rammed everything into my pockets and waist band and made a point of struggling to carry it all out of the shop, dropping things on purpose etc just to get a point across x

AnImaginaryCat · 09/01/2023 00:23

Write him a letter explaining you cannot continue the řelationship as he carries an odd number of carrier bags in his coat.

Sellotape his bag to the envelope.

randomuser2020 · 09/01/2023 00:24

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn at the poster's request due to privacy concerns.

Parrotid · 09/01/2023 00:25

Merryoldgoat · 09/01/2023 00:21

Do you actually like him? He sounds awful.

I’d have dumped him there and then I’m the shop. There is no way I’d get past his pettiness.

He may well be ND. You can be ND AND a cunt.

Absolutely. My beloved chap is neuro diverse and went through a phase of recycling teabags by emptying the tea into the compost and keeping the bags in a larger bag. I can’t remember what was meant to happen to the empty teabags, I don’t care, it made him happy so I let him get on with it.
Anyway his car broke down one night and the AA took so long to get to him that he had to have a poo in a bush and use his empty tea bags to wipe his bum. He was simultaneously gutted and yet proud of his resourcefulness. I couldn’t breathe I was laughing so hard.

DocCee · 09/01/2023 00:27

WhereYouLeftIt · 09/01/2023 00:22

"he has the same 3 meals every day."
By which I am taking you mean he eats the same thing every day for breakfast, he eats the same thing every day for lunch, and he eats the same thing every day for dinner? Which must be as tedious as reading my last sentence?

On that point alone, this man is not a keeper. In fact, on every point you've raised, this man is not a keeper. He is nothing but a rod for the back of any woman gullible enough to get into a relationship with him.

You don't live with him. That is a blessing.

Dump, dump, dump. I cannot even begin to imagine how miserable a life with this man would be. But it would be pretty fucking miserable.

You have been warned. (By his current behaviour, not by me.)

Show quote history

I agree. Get rid.
I suspect he is ND or has a mental health issue that needs to be addressed.
He sounds like he has some really controlling traits too.
Flicking the water is a red flag in my opinion.

HoppingPavlova · 09/01/2023 00:29

He ended up loaning me the bag but tonight he expressed his unhappiness on WhatsApp. He said I have no right to spoil his systems, I don't respect him, he doesn't want my mess adding to his mess. He said it's a tragedy because he can see himself ending up with no bags.

At this point most people would see he is bonkers and call it a day. I really couldn’t be arsed with this and that would be it for me. Fucked if I’d be doomed to a life of carry on about stuff this trivial.

NameChangeObvsx1 · 09/01/2023 00:29

Say what now?

Moonyblue · 09/01/2023 00:30

I actually had to laugh out loud when I read his whinging. I am surprised more things have not come up before.

I couldn’t be with such a moany scrooge!

Merryoldgoat · 09/01/2023 00:31

This thread is truly one of the best and maddest I’ve read on here.

KettrickenSmiled · 09/01/2023 00:32

So he said all that and then said for me to stop being dramatic
😂😂😂
Says the man who had a Sheldon Cooper hissy fit over a plastic bag ...

He said I need to know my behaviour was not acceptable.
Says the man who micromanages your driving, criticises everything you do, tells you you are showering wrong, & flicks water in your face for washing up a cup wrong ...

I feel like I generally pay for more than him, well no, I know this is true. I pay for 80% of our meals out, I drive over 50% of the time, I buy him treats etc.
Why?
Why are you pandering to & wasting yourself on this ridiculous man?

BurtonsRevenge · 09/01/2023 00:32

At the end of the day, on this occasion this is your fault for being unprepared when you went shopping. Its his right to use his canvas bags (which he has paid for and remembered) , or to not use. I think you need to move Ln from this and either accept you messed up or end it with him.

pizzaHeart · 09/01/2023 00:33

He said I have no right to spoil his systems, I don't respect him, he doesn't want my mess adding to his mess. He said it's a tragedy because he can see himself ending up with no bags.
I honestly thought it’s a joke when I first saw it but your updates were even worse. It doesn’t matter if he’s ND or twat, I think you should stop relationship with him asap and leave him with his mess and his bags. As some Pp said he wouldn’t change, please don’t spend your time, energy and money on him. How on earth you’ve survived 2 years????

EricNorthmanYesPlease · 09/01/2023 00:37

"Tragedy
When my bags have gone and I can't go on
It's a tragedy
When my girlfriend cries and I don't know why
I just dont care
With no one to love you
You're going nowhere"

oakleaffy · 09/01/2023 00:37

Maybe they are his ''Comfort bags'', his 'Transitional objects', his little pets.

''No one takes Bag away from Daddy''.

KettrickenSmiled · 09/01/2023 00:39

BurtonsRevenge · 09/01/2023 00:32

At the end of the day, on this occasion this is your fault for being unprepared when you went shopping. Its his right to use his canvas bags (which he has paid for and remembered) , or to not use. I think you need to move Ln from this and either accept you messed up or end it with him.

HowTF has OP messed this up? By asking to borrow a carrier bag?

Have you actually read her posts, & seen the awful behaviour she's (inexplicably) been tolerating from this man?

N0tfinished · 09/01/2023 00:40

Could you imagine living with this man?? Sharing finances?? Imagine being sick & needing him to help you? No, neither could I. Get rid