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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP won't lend me his carrier bags

707 replies

Feelquiteisolated · 08/01/2023 23:16

I know this sounds totally ridiculous but DP and I had a fall out today over carrier bags.

DP is organised, he carries 3 carrier bags in his coat and more in his car and house. I spend most weekends at his house and I have bags in my car but none in my coat. Today we went shopping and I had no bags. Had I been alone I would have bought some, but he had some. He wouldn't loan me one of his 3 in his pockets, and said I needed to buy my own.

I was not happy. I bought his lunch and dinner yesterday and during the shopping trip he added an item that cost £1.30 so I was like "well I'm worth a 20p bag!"

He ended up loaning me the bag but tonight he expressed his unhappiness on WhatsApp. He said I have no right to spoil his systems, I don't respect him, he doesn't want my mess adding to his mess. He said it's a tragedy because he can see himself ending up with no bags.

He said I need to know my behaviour was not acceptable. But I really just think if he has something I need why would he make me buy it, it feels humiliating to me. But perhaps I'm missing the point and I need to pay for not being organised.

I feel like I generally pay for more than him, well no, I know this is true. I pay for 80% of our meals out, I drive over 50% of the time, I buy him treats etc.

So he said all that and then said for me to stop being dramatic because he was going to bed. This was before 9.30pm. I'm left feeling a bit abandoned, isolated and lonely. I don't really think I'm a needy person but I feel this way quite often.

This is totally outing if he reads it, but oh well.

AIBU? should I buy and carry my own bags and buy them while out even if I would only need to borrow for a short time?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
Original poster
Feelquiteisolated · 08/01/2023 23:30

neverknowinglyunreasonable · 08/01/2023 23:21

It sounds like there is a lot of troublesome baggage in this relationship

Ha, I see what you did there!

OP posts:
TinySaltLick · 08/01/2023 23:30

Every day I would put his coat bags in a hot oven for about 5-10 seconds so they get smaller, but so not to be perceptible

Over the weeks and months it will eat away at him wondering if his hands are getting bigger until it will come to a head 31st Dec 2025 where you can print a copy of this thread in size 1 font and hide it in his miniature bags

Epicstorm · 08/01/2023 23:30

Can’t get invested in the carrier bag saga. That would give me the ick. I’m more bothered that you pay for many more meals than him and do more than your fair share of driving which must mean you pay for more fuel. Is there a reason?

PaleGreenFrontDoor · 08/01/2023 23:30

OP why are you paying for so much and doing more driving than him? And why is he letting you?

pawprintseverywhere · 08/01/2023 23:31

Is this a wind up? Is he called Sheldon?

Pixiedust1234 · 08/01/2023 23:32

Put the shopping in a trolley when paying. Take trolley to the car and throw all items in. Close boot and return trolley to shop. Drive home, get bags or boxes from house and pack up items in boot to carry to house.

Much better to do that than to continuously buy more plastic to ruin the environment imo

Isthisexpected · 08/01/2023 23:32

His system? A tragedy?

This is unbelievable.

RaininSummer · 08/01/2023 23:32

Sounds like he has post traumatic shopping disorder as maybe he was caught out without a bag once and just can't risk it happening again. It is odd but the other stuff you said seems more concerning in the long run.

GromblesofGrimbledon · 08/01/2023 23:32

TinySaltLick · 08/01/2023 23:30

Every day I would put his coat bags in a hot oven for about 5-10 seconds so they get smaller, but so not to be perceptible

Over the weeks and months it will eat away at him wondering if his hands are getting bigger until it will come to a head 31st Dec 2025 where you can print a copy of this thread in size 1 font and hide it in his miniature bags

This is fucking divine.

Lysianthus · 08/01/2023 23:33

Oh ffs ltb.
Sorry, been watching the Harry interview and I have no patience anymore.

Original poster
Feelquiteisolated · 08/01/2023 23:34

Divebar2021 · 08/01/2023 23:27

Why do you not take shopping bags with you whenever you to go a shop?

because sometimes you end up in a shop when you hadn’t planned to…none of us are perfect. In this circumstance once I’d twigged he was serious I would have bought a carrier bag. Hell would freeze over before I ever used his bag. I would then ask him for the cash for the item that you bought for him and I wouldnt drop it because that’s the level of pettiness he’s signing up for. If you stick with him 50/50 all the way.

Thank you. I did end up saying I would just buy a bag and I gave him his bag back. He complained it was wet and put it in my basket, so I used it when he added the item to my basket

I do realise how ridiculous this whole thing sounds.

OP posts:
Poshjock · 08/01/2023 23:34

He sound ridiculously tight and that’s not an attractive quality.

However the fact that you feel needy over this interaction is worrying. Has his behaviour over the years eaten away at you and knocked your confidence? Perhaps you need to evaluate this relationship to see if this man is good for you. Is suspect not.

Neveranynamesleft · 08/01/2023 23:34

Mumsnet at it's finest.

He sounds a right anorak 😁 Whilst you have my pity, please dont ditch him, a weekly diary report on here would go down a treat I'm sure...

CavalierApproach · 08/01/2023 23:35

Like hell would I remain in a relationship with someone who chastised me like a child, and that goes double if it was over carrier bags of all things.

So many reasons to step away: pointless drama, lack of kindness towards you, lack of respect for you, and transparent deflection of blame onto you for his own issues.

Original poster
Feelquiteisolated · 08/01/2023 23:35

TinySaltLick · 08/01/2023 23:30

Every day I would put his coat bags in a hot oven for about 5-10 seconds so they get smaller, but so not to be perceptible

Over the weeks and months it will eat away at him wondering if his hands are getting bigger until it will come to a head 31st Dec 2025 where you can print a copy of this thread in size 1 font and hide it in his miniature bags

😂

OP posts:
pawprintseverywhere · 08/01/2023 23:35

Neveranynamesleft · 08/01/2023 23:34

Mumsnet at it's finest.

He sounds a right anorak 😁 Whilst you have my pity, please dont ditch him, a weekly diary report on here would go down a treat I'm sure...

This comment owns the Internet. I'd pay a sub to this....

SuperHandss · 08/01/2023 23:36

YABU to consider him a partner.

PacificallyRequested · 08/01/2023 23:37

Have you still got the bag or did you give it back to him? If you still have it, I was going to suggest that you gather up any stuff he has at your house, put it in the bag and go and dump it on his doorstep. But something tells me he's not the type to leave his things in a house he doesn't live in...

ChubbyBroccoli · 08/01/2023 23:37

Slit the bottoms of his precious coat bags

ThirtyThreeTrees · 08/01/2023 23:38

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

weaselwords · 08/01/2023 23:38

neverknowinglyunreasonable · 08/01/2023 23:21

It sounds like there is a lot of troublesome baggage in this relationship

🤣🤣🤣

but also, this behaviour would make my clit shrivel and drop off. Thought and prayers for you 🙏

GromblesofGrimbledon · 08/01/2023 23:38

Neveranynamesleft · 08/01/2023 23:34

Mumsnet at it's finest.

He sounds a right anorak 😁 Whilst you have my pity, please dont ditch him, a weekly diary report on here would go down a treat I'm sure...

I'd literally pay a monthly subscription to the sum of one carrier bag for a blog about this man. What's that these days? 10p?

FatEaredFuck · 08/01/2023 23:38

He sounds rigid in his thinking.

And mean, so mean. I understand he didnt want to lose 'his' bags but he should buy you some. YABU to keep buying this tight arse anything.

FatEaredFuck · 08/01/2023 23:39

GromblesofGrimbledon · 08/01/2023 23:38

I'd literally pay a monthly subscription to the sum of one carrier bag for a blog about this man. What's that these days? 10p?

Show quote history

30p.

coldandwetindec · 08/01/2023 23:39

My DP would be like this to a certain extent (he always has several carrier bags v neatly folded up in his pocket and I occasionally remember to shove one or two any old way in my handbag 😂 which I know frustrates him).

However when we've been in this situation he just smiles at me, might make a joke about it being a good job that he's organised, and passes me one of his bags, or however many I need (and then takes it back after I've finished using it and folds it back up neatly and puts it back in his pocket 😂).

Your DP's reaction is pretty extreme over something so minor, and I say that with some understanding of a DP with OCD tendencies.

YANBU, it is his response and attitude to you which is concerning.