DP won't lend me his carrier bags

[Feelquiteisolated]

I know this sounds totally ridiculous but DP and I had a fall out today over carrier bags.

DP is organised, he carries 3 carrier bags in his coat and more in his car and house. I spend most weekends at his house and I have bags in my car but none in my coat. Today we went shopping and I had no bags. Had I been alone I would have bought some, but he had some. He wouldn't loan me one of his 3 in his pockets, and said I needed to buy my own.

I was not happy. I bought his lunch and dinner yesterday and during the shopping trip he added an item that cost £1.30 so I was like "well I'm worth a 20p bag!"

He ended up loaning me the bag but tonight he expressed his unhappiness on WhatsApp. He said I have no right to spoil his systems, I don't respect him, he doesn't want my mess adding to his mess. He said it's a tragedy because he can see himself ending up with no bags.

He said I need to know my behaviour was not acceptable. But I really just think if he has something I need why would he make me buy it, it feels humiliating to me. But perhaps I'm missing the point and I need to pay for not being organised.

I feel like I generally pay for more than him, well no, I know this is true. I pay for 80% of our meals out, I drive over 50% of the time, I buy him treats etc.

So he said all that and then said for me to stop being dramatic because he was going to bed. This was before 9.30pm. I'm left feeling a bit abandoned, isolated and lonely. I don't really think I'm a needy person but I feel this way quite often.

This is totally outing if he reads it, but oh well.

AIBU? should I buy and carry my own bags and buy them while out even if I would only need to borrow for a short time?

Are you high...?

I've wondered if he has OCD, not just because of this. He says he doesn't. He has some strange habits tho.

I've borrowed bags before, always returned them. This isn't the first time we've had this same situation, sometimes I've just been quiet and bought bags, sometimes I have borrowed one and returned it, especially if we were going to my house. Today I was like "wtf you selfish, ungenerous man"

Wow!
The message after is the worse part - how did you respond?

I would stop the cash for a start. Think of all the lovely designer carrier bags you could buy with the extra.

This is not the sign of a DP for life.
Seriously though, sounds like he wouldn't give you the skin off his rice pudding and I couldn't be in a relationship with someone like this.

OP if this isn't a reverse then you are a comedy genius.

The tragedy of leaving him with no bags 😂😂

This is him at his absolute best OP as you don't even live together. Just think on that before you commit to him. He won't change for the better. Life stresses to come as we age will likely make him more rigid and more hard work!

30p??? Fucking hell. Never mind then.

Wtaf have I just read? I'm a fairly organised person, have bags in my car, small netted ones for fruit in my handbag, that sort of thing. But I sometimes go in a shop on a whim & realise I've left a bag in the car. What sort of narrow minded idiot refuses someone a bag? I'm sorry but he has some sort of issues going on. Dump him & find someone who's not as precious over a flipping carrier bag 😳🤷🏼

Controlling, weird behaviour. Treating you like a child with no respect? Thought relationships where about sharing

He's not organised, he's obsessed. And stingy. And a dick.

Omg 😲 considering how much you already contribute, it's the least he could do. @Feelquiteisolated

When I'm shopping and need a bag, it's get one and sorted, sometimes I plan in advance but usually it's on the fly

Is his house the one with the teabags on the washing line...?

Good grief, what is he like in bed?

Are you children?

Good grief, what is he like in bed?

You mean the sac?

This.
His response isn't to do with being tight, or anything to do with the cost of the bag, it is clearly to do with some sort of anxiety that he then won't have the required number of bags on him "for emergencies".

It is clear he has real issues with anxiety.
If that is something you can live with in life, then perhaps his other qualities make it worth your while, but I think most people would think twice about getting into a relationship with someone who both has those anxieties but isn't able to acknowledge them.

@Feelquiteisolated dump this guy. Weird and tight and unhelpful. I actually can’t believe this is real!

Well I would stop the 80% meals treated for him and keep it so I have plenty of spare money to buy my own bags. If he asks what's up I would say I need bag money now 😂

But why wouldn’t you lend your partner a carrier bag? It’s a carrier bag and they’re partners.

Op, He’s being ridiculous. Presumably you used it and gave it back. He sounds dramatic. If you stay with him I’d give him loads of bags for life next Christmas as his present.

I can't believe that you are still with him after 3 years.
End it!

Is this some sort of weird attempt at getting into 'Classics'?

He said it's a tragedy because he can see himself ending up with no bags.

Did he?

And you feel 'abandoned, isolated and lonely' now, do you?

Every day I would put his coat bags in a hot oven for about 5-10 seconds so they get smaller, but so not to be perceptible
Over the weeks and months it will eat away at him wondering if his hands are getting bigger until it will come to a head 31st Dec 2025 where you can print a copy of this thread in size 1 font and hide it in his miniature bags

I mean this as a total compliment.... but you sound like a Twitt

Well, obviously bin him for the bag unkindness.

But as you haven’t already, seems like you’re accepting it.

So go back to you pay for 80% of things. Any good reason for that?