DP won't lend me his carrier bags

[Feelquiteisolated]

I know this sounds totally ridiculous but DP and I had a fall out today over carrier bags.

DP is organised, he carries 3 carrier bags in his coat and more in his car and house. I spend most weekends at his house and I have bags in my car but none in my coat. Today we went shopping and I had no bags. Had I been alone I would have bought some, but he had some. He wouldn't loan me one of his 3 in his pockets, and said I needed to buy my own.

I was not happy. I bought his lunch and dinner yesterday and during the shopping trip he added an item that cost £1.30 so I was like "well I'm worth a 20p bag!"

He ended up loaning me the bag but tonight he expressed his unhappiness on WhatsApp. He said I have no right to spoil his systems, I don't respect him, he doesn't want my mess adding to his mess. He said it's a tragedy because he can see himself ending up with no bags.

He said I need to know my behaviour was not acceptable. But I really just think if he has something I need why would he make me buy it, it feels humiliating to me. But perhaps I'm missing the point and I need to pay for not being organised.

I feel like I generally pay for more than him, well no, I know this is true. I pay for 80% of our meals out, I drive over 50% of the time, I buy him treats etc.

So he said all that and then said for me to stop being dramatic because he was going to bed. This was before 9.30pm. I'm left feeling a bit abandoned, isolated and lonely. I don't really think I'm a needy person but I feel this way quite often.

This is totally outing if he reads it, but oh well.

AIBU? should I buy and carry my own bags and buy them while out even if I would only need to borrow for a short time?

The poster that suggested I am ND

I don't see anything that would suggest that at all @Feelquiteisolated . I think the world is grouped into, say, 30% of people who always bring bags and the rest of us who end up buying them.

The older someone is, the more likely they are to bring them. www.stuff.co.nz/environment/103584402/over60s-up-to-50-percent-more-likely-to-take-their-own-bags-to-the-supermarket (According to this article, 40% of people bring bags, although I think this is based in NZ IDK.) Half of those between 40-59 bought bags, so you're not abnormal, in fact at 41 you're probably still in the majority for your age.

I think we'll all end up remembering to bring them eventually because of how much the carrier ones in supermarkets are costing now- I mean, it's only 20p but even so.

This thread really isn't much to do with carrier bags tbh

Please don’t put up and shut up with this nasty, mean little man, @Feelquiteisolated. He’s genuinely awful and sees not what you do for him.

No, it really isn't. I think it's quite revealing that the OP and her partner are 41, been together 2 years but have known each other since school. And then she says the relationship is juvenile and irritating. It feels almost as if there was some unspoken pact of 'if we're both still single at 40...' And they've fallen into a relationship out of some kind of convenience and loneliness. And then the way they relate to each other has just followed patterns that were perhaps formed when they were very young.

But it's not about his bags, or whether he's ND or not. He's just nasty. And nasty vs nice does not map onto ND vs NT in any way whatsoever. He may or may not have some issues going on. He's quite definitely horrible to the OP.

Sounds like he has some kind of OCD issues

Wow.. I think he's just on the spectrum and over time you'll learn to cope with certain autistic traits 😌

All really weird including the money count between you. Are you 16? Either that or this is a spoof.

I'd buy him a little shopping bag to put his carrier bags in to complete the Roy Cropper look.
Maybe that's what Roy Cropper actually has in his shopping bag, loads of neatly folded carriers.

I bet he always bags up

I thought you were talking about a parent - dp ( can never keep up with the confusing initial thing)
You’re essentially paying for his company and the only tragedy is the time wasted on this person, as you come across as very reasonable and considerate.
Send him packing - he has enough bags to keep him company!

An image I didn’t need lol

Dear OP I’m sorry for my previous flippant reply reading all your posts makes more sense. This DP you describe great relationship reasons to be with him. But he is definitely ND. I’m not a professional but have much experience including work with MH and a family member with these traits. These are very much ND symptoms. They are very annoying at best but be on guard for escalation into abuse the water flicking sounds worryingly spiteful. As does his tantrum. Maybe you’ve already done this but I’d advise you to google ND symptoms and outcomes. It’s very common but often deepens and gets worse. You don’t want to be in a situation where you passively dodge around him. Evaluate your relationship with him now. Good luck.

Ps it’s not about the bags!!!!

1. What kind of man carries carrier bags.in his coat pocket?
2. What kind of man LENDS carrier bags?
3. What kind of man has an argument about it AND carries the argument over onto WhatsApp the following day? ,4) What kind of woman thinks this is normal behaviour?
4. What kind of woman thinks that a man with OCD of this nature, is attractive?
5. What kind of woman would pose such a ridiculous question on MN?. You're both mad 🤪

Definitely sounds like he's autistic

@Feelquiteisolated I really think you should think about what you said in your last post ... quite a juvenile, tiresome relationship though

I think this is very telling & although it may have been a flippant comment at the time, I think you should really think about it, and whether you want to continue in a juvenile relationship.

Best of luck 💐

YANBU.

His responever is excessive!

Sorry to label, but that response suggests neurodiversity to me. Does he over react a lot when his planned process is affected?

Surely this is a wind up if not what a cockwomble

You are not being unreasonable, but it sounds as if he might be a little OCD or perhaps have some autistic tendencies. The hyper organization and his fixation on it leads me to think this might be the case in which case it is simpler to get your own bags and is something you will need to adjust to in the longterm anyway. The uneven spending, if it bothers you, should be addressed in a calm conversation. Good luck!

Please don't ever associate ND with character assassination! ND people are simply ND. There should be no negativity attached to them!

Sure, the combination of NN and ND is often a difficult one, but that is up to each individual. It's time for you to decide if the relationship is worth the effort because there does have to be some give and take in these relationships. Is he capable of doing some small adjustments and are you capable of dealing with the things he's unable to adjust? That's your decision and his, no fault to either of you on what you decide, as in any relationship.

He said it's a tragedy because he can see himself ending up with no bags.

I’m sorry but this really made me chuckle. 🤣🤣🤣

Oh so give over. He had a bag, it’s a carrier bag not the Crown Jewels!

I mean yeah exactly
Just buy a bloody bag op

Any updates op?